When You're At Home: Hank Griffin

Next up in our rounds of studying people's houses to learn about them, one Detective Hank Griffin. This was so much less time-consuming before Over My Dead Body, when we had fewer shots and fewer well-lit shots of the interior. I'd complain, but then I'd get reminded that I love having more data and to quit my bitching. That said, we're going to take this in the order we were introduced to Hank's living quarters.

Our first glimpse of Hank's house is actually when Adalind comes up to give him the blood cookies. Catching him just outside his sanctuary so she can insert herself into his life and dreams, oh, I could go on and on about the symbolism THERE. Long shot up the driveway with what looks like an oak tree off to the right, though well-trimmed back so it's not overhanging the car. There's a fair bit of shrubbery (but no Knights of Ni) and we can even get a house number, 1403, which probably isn't significant but I mention here for completeness. (I can make it significant, but you can make ANY number significant, so we're going to ignore it until some symbolism leaps up and beats us over the head instead.) Rather than a more traditional front door, Hank has a side entrance off the driveway. Nice solid-looking wood door, mail slot, doorbell. Couple steps up, it's not particularly disability-friendly but it's not horribly unfriendly either, should Hank be laid up on the job, say. Eminently doable on crutches, at least, and there may be a back entrance that's more friendly. From the exterior, the place looks ranch-styled. Overall, though it doesn't scream "a cop lives here," it's certainly fairly security-conscious without being obvious about it.

The second glimpse we see is of his bedroom, so, from exterior straight to inner sanctum by way of blood magic, because that's still not symbolic or anything. I was using those toes. Dual-layered curtains, white gauzy ones for a bare minimum of privacy on warm nights (and I do mean bare minimum), heavier ones for real privacy and/or warmth. Shot with the standard trope of heavy curtains back for maximum creepy when Adalind's phantom hand pets Hank's hair, with either moonlight or streetlight shining in. The heavy curtains are a warm brown and gold pattern; the bedding is an even warmer red. Red to match the napkin in the basket of cookies, yes, but also red because Hank's the kind of person to be surrounded by warm colors. Cozy colors. On the small table to the left of the bed (as Hank lies in it, anyway) is a stack of magazines/newspapers, and that's all we see for now before the closeup on poor fevered bespelled Hank.

Better The Devil You Know: Haven Profile (Jordan McKee)

Date: 10/31/2012 (updated 12/3/12) (updated 10/22/13)
Subject Name: Jordan McKee
DOB: 06/20/1978

DOD: 05/??/2011

Gender: Female
Age: 34
Place of Examination: Data compiled at Chandler/Hammett Investigations offices
Occupation: Waitress at The Gun & Rose; member of The Guard
Marital Status: Single, former relationship PT-TR-####, suspected past relationship WR-####
Race: Troubled
Classification: TR-BD-####

Presents with: Subject is inclined to keep to herself; unknown at this time if this is a result of her Trouble activating or an innate tendency. Given her anger at her present state and her current occupation, it seems likeliest that subject enjoyed spending time around people prior to the Troubles and since that time considers it safest if she removes herself from society. This has led to a tendency to lash out verbally, followed by physical contact (gloved or ungloved depending on subject's sense of personal safety) should the verbal warning be ignored. Subject despises her Trouble and, quite probably, herself; this has created a feedback loop unlike most rape victims' where she is reminded of her initial assault every day. Worse, her affiliation with the Guard means that sometimes she is expected to use her Trouble as a weapon, making her mental state more fragile as such incidents add up. Wuornos is the first person able to touch her (though we believe subject IN-#### would be able to do so as well, we lack evidence), and as a result subject has a strong attachment to him, verging on addiction. Updated 12/3/12: Subject developed a fixation to the point of obsession with subject PT-TR-####, including the belief that she knew what was best for their relationship. This belief was founded solely on her experience as a member of the Guard, not on discussion or trading information with Wuornos. Subject believes that IN-#### is the source of the disruption to and ending of their relationship, rather than any actions or inactions she took. She deliberately manipulated and misled all parties in an attempt to gain influence over subjects PT-TR-#### (direct) and IN-#### (indirect), and continually protested that her actions were "for [them]." This speaks to her unwillingness (and perhaps inability) to do anything other than follow orders from the Guard. Updated 1/28/13: Subject may be second-in-command of the day to day operations of the Guard, or alternately may exist outside the hierarchy for reasons related to her Trouble and her positioning relative to subject PT-TR-####. When she appeared most recently, body language and assertive behavior indicated that she considered herself relatively high-ranking within the group, though this belief may have been wholly wrong due to her lack of knowledge regarding the ultimate authority. Subject was disdainful and upset by the indication that subject ST-BD-#### was in love with subject IN-#### designation Audrey Parker, in keeping with prior reactions to Parker as regarding relationships of any kind. This indicates a lack of knowledge about how subject IN-#### functions, along with the barn; we may extrapolate that subject believes that the two are linked only insofar as the alleviation of the Troubles for another 27 years, that subject IN-####'s purpose is to alleviate individual Troubles and protect Haven with each resurgence and then leave when the barn comes. Subject indeed proved unwilling to disobey orders from the Guard, though the revelation that subject TD-BD-#### was in charge of the group led her to finally choose her own target. This target was, as expected, subject PT-TR-#### due to his attempts to destroy the barn (see case file AG-####) once subject IN-#### entered it. Subject fired multiple shots at Wuornos upon his firing shots at subject AG-####; this was then followed by multiple shots fired at subject by Crocker, who was also present at the time. Subject's physical whereabouts and status are unknown at this time. It is notable that she fired on Wuornos after he presented a clear and present threat to subject AG-#### but before he fired; due to his Trouble he was unaffected by the pain as any other person would have been. It is unclear whether subject did not realize this, subject's aim was off, or subject was not shooting to kill in the first place. Subsequent shots may not lower the percentage of the latter's probability; rather, subject may have fired repeatedly in response to emotional stimuli rather than calculated thought. It is now clear that subject has several priorities: removal of her Trouble, reacquisition of her relationship with Wuornos, and removal of Parker from Haven, all of which are enmeshed in subject's attitude toward the Troubles in general and subject IN-####, the barn, and the Guard in specific.

Updated 10/22/13: Subject survived the incident at the artifact known as the Barn due to the efforts of subjects WR-#### and PT-TR-####, who were respectively competent in battlefield medicine and able to touch the subject. Following subject PT-TR-####'s departure from Haven due to his (not inaccurate) belief that he had caused a worse fate for all people in the town both Troubled and unTroubled, subject appears to have bolstered her position within the Guard. Concurrent with this appears to have been subject TD-BD-####'s loss of status within the organization, leading to an apparent schism within the group at subject's instigation. Subject entered a major yet functional depression, leading the Guard in daily operations and possibly working parallel to subject WR-#### in his new position as chief of police in order to assist civilians within the town. It is likely that had this continued unabated, subject would have died in the line of her duties with the Guard, as the Troubles appear to be increasing in lethality in recent months. However, with the reappearance of subjects ST-BD-#### and PT-TR-####, subject developed a new fixation (encouraged and abetted by said subjects) that despite her desire to kill subject PT-TR-#### for his part in allowing the Troubles to continue with no feasible end in sight, it was yet possible that subject IN-#### would reappear and that she would then carry out the supposed final solution to the Troubles, i.e., killing the man she loves. Though there is no evidence to suggest that subject IN-#### designation Audrey Parker (or, for that matter, any other designation) would be willing to commit such an act, all subjects involved in this plan have accepted it as their best case scenario. Subject's fixation with this scenario has been frequently indicated by her as a desire to end the Troubles so she can experience human contact again; citing every study that demonstrates the negative effects of denying a person physical contact for an extended period of time is beyond the scope of this profile but should be taken as read. As subject devolved as a result of IN-#### designation Audrey Parker/Lexie DeWitt's reappearance, providing hope without a fixed schedule, she developed a working theory that the Troubles were subject IN-####'s Trouble and could therefore be ended if an activated Crocker killed her. Unfortunately, subject did not take into account the data that indicates that the Troubles arrive several years (general pattern suggests approximately two) prior to subject IN-####'s arrival, and thus the theory is implausible at best. Nevertheless, subject continued to put plans in motion, going so far as to subdue and restrain subject TD-BD-#### to remove him from the field of play, and seduce subject BD-#### into willingly activating his Trouble with promises of power and future respect as the man who ended the Troubles for good. Subject TD-BD-#### chose this time to reveal information to her regarding Simon Crocker and the timing of the Troubles, subtly manipulating the subject into the realization that not only has she become the sort of person she despises but that her plan would not, in fact, work. When subject realized this, and upon learning that subject IN-#### designation Audrey Parker/Lexie DeWitt did in fact retain all of Parker's memories and much of her personality, subject appears to have further comprehended the enduring partnership and desire to help others above their own romantic preferences between subjects PT-TR-#### and IN-####. Subsequently, subject attempted to dissuade Wade Crocker from his already-established path of addiction to the rush provided by his Trouble, and in the process of this attempt, he killed her. Subject did not, despite all efforts, provide subject BD-#### with her theory that a Crocker could kill subject IN-#### and thereby end the Troubles.

Haven Opening Credits

If you don't have all the eps readily available to hand, and if you don't have our fanatical devotion to chewing all the available data to a pulp, you may not have noticed the extent to which the credits changed over the last three seasons. Especially with the weird filming/airing schedule SyFy shows can have, god knows we've forgotten odds and ends with the long delay between seasons. But there were lots of changes! Annoying, sometimes miniscule ones. We have conveniently chewed them over for you, therefore! Aren't you glad. Besides, when it gets renewed (do you hear us, SyFy execs?) we'll have this all put together to come back to. Right? Of course right.

We start out with a lightning flash, which needs no major interpretation there. Something is happening in Haven, something involving forces both turbulent and widespread (a storm) and sudden, catalysing (the lightning). There's also the aspect of lightning out of a stormy but as yet not raining sky, which is sudden and causes startlement and worry. Lightning is also a powerful force that is as yet largely uncontrollable, of which there are many in Haven. From there we move on to a nice juxtaposition of both impermanence, timelessness in the form of the lighthouse that doesn't seem to change much over the years, and rapid-moving clouds indicating a swift and forceful passage of time. Haven is outside time, in a way, since it was June when the series started and July when the Christmas episode aired and very little time has passed even since then. So many events crammed into so short a span of time that may or may not even be a natural span of time. And as anyone who's experienced a number of emotionally significant events in a short time, there's always a feeling of how has it only been a couple of days/weeks since this happened. Swiftly moving time by the passage and number of events, and a complete lack of time by the calendar.

The lighthouse appears and reappears in the opening credits, but I find it interesting that the first time we see the lighthouse is right before Emily Rose's name appears next to/over a picture from the middle to late end of the last century, and possibly over a picture that's AudSarLu. It's difficult to entirely tell, it might only be a picture of a woman from the time, but given the fact that they're focusing on it and the picture isn't doing anything unnatural it seems likely. We already know she's lived at least seventy years plus, the idea of her being around since colonial times doesn't seem that odd. And the symbolism of the lighthouse, the guiding light that steers ships from danger, would seem to fit with the role AudSarLu plays in Haven. That, plus the fact that almost all of the other pictures, windows, and reflective surfaces in this opening credits sequence do strange things leads me to believe this really is Audrey. (There are other pictures, too, but most of them are drawn or woodcuts rather than photographs or mirrors.)

House Rules Haven S3E06 Real Estate

Previously on Haven: Duke was a damsel in distress! Nathan was stoic and withdrawn and also a moron! Claire and Audrey had bonding time. Duke and Audrey had bonding time. Nathan and Jordan had... whatever the FUCK that was. Weird bonding time for everyone! And trollfaces. Lots of NOW KISS trollfaces. Audrey hit the same point with Bolt Gun Kitty and I have been at for a bit. Also an attempted lack of moral ambiguity, but that didn't go over so well, so I'm sure we'll be right back to moral ambiguity for everyone this ep. Especially with them all stuck in a goddamn haunted house together; seriously, I'm impressed none of the cast or crew tried to kill each other filming this. If you haven't seen that documentary, by the way, it's here in the last 15 minutes or so. (If that doesn't work, a partial version lives here and here.)

Before we can have moral ambiguity, however, we have to have utter cluelessness about horror tropes! This is smart, you guys, very smart, walk into the rumored-to-be-haunted house. In Haven. On Halloween. Nothing can possibly go wrong with this plan. Especially not a house that likes to eat people. That would definitely never happen in Haven, though admittedly I was wondering for awhile if they were going to pull out the man-as-house trope or if it really would be haunted and inexplicable (as compared to the Troubles, anyway). I blame the Grimm Halloween ep for that. We get a whole bunch of shots of mirrors, which in the dim lighting could potentially be paintings but of course aren't. There are a few paintings in the house, but not many for as many frames as are on the walls. And your first clue that there's something sentient here, guys, should be the fire turning on when Tina says "romantic." Ewww voyeur house I'm going to need a steel wool shower after this ep. Your SECOND clue should have been the MOVING CHAIR. Your THIRD clue is the creepy fucking music talking about reunited, and is anyone surprised that it's on the third iteration of truly disturbing behavior that Tina tries to get the fuck out of there? I thought not. Meanwhile Chad is a dumbass. Once I recover from banging my head into the wall at the people who failed Horror Genre 101, Duke's pouring liquor from a hip flask into drinks for him and Audrey. (One assumes that's spiked cider. Mmm spiked cider. Guess what was at my party over the weekend.) Because he is a GOOD friend who just keeps on being there, as this post so eloquently points out. The Herald's done up a bit for Halloween but not over the top spooky. Mostly very kitschy ghost and pumpkin type things, I assume because even the Teagues get their fill of creepyass things going on the rest of the year. (Where 'year' is a highly relative term, given that time doesn't work right in Haven, but that's a whole 'nother post.) And/or because they're trying hard to project the image of harmless old men. You'll pardon me while I hide behind the couch while Audrey neatly lampshades that implausibility for us by muttering about being drunk enough to believe anything they say. Not that they're actively lying in response to questioning right now, just that nobody is overfond of the Teagues these days. Duke's "we can try" is full of that sardonic "not enough booze in the world" tone, with a layer of subtext that says he'll stick by Audrey no matter what she decides to do with the creepy brothers. Though he probably hopes it involves them being far, far away. Awww, Duke. We know you will.

Flores Para Los Muertos Grimm S2E09 La Llorona

Previously on Grimm! Juliette was bespelled! The Captain was creepy against his will! Hank was informed! Monroe is a Wesen! Much to no one's surprise. And the Captain was desperate and Juliette has amnesia and for the amount they focused on that plotline there was surprisingly little of it. Odd juxtaposition of previouslies. I'm assuming this was meant to reflect Juliette now being informed.

Okay, before we launch into this, I will say, this episode freaked me the fuck out. I turned on all the damn lights in the living room to watch it, and I still woke up this morning feeling like I'd come off the worst in a cage match with a Siegbarste. That said, I'm deeply amused at basically guest starring in the show. The detective, with long dark hair and wearing pretty much the same clothes that I wear, referring to herself as a Balam which is the Mayan term for Jaguar (I'm half-Mayan, and have been called by that somewhat hippie nickname for well over half my life by this point, and it's a powerful symbol for the Maya and hush you all.), fighting a legend that gave me screaming nightmares as a kid? I think there were one or two other points I forget in all the staring and protesting to A that I was not a goddamn Na'vi Balam. (A: She so is. Also, you all have no idea how much of a struggle it's been for me to remember to call her Kitty and not Jag in posts, I'm just saying.) Ahem. And yes, I speak Spanish. Nervously, but fluently. So, yeah. That happened.

Yeah. I've had days like that.

Behind the Scenes at Murderboarding

Welcome to the first of a series of occasional behind-the-scenes posts! In these posts, you get to see some of what our flailing looks like instead of the nice, polished, not fannish or squeeful or ranty at all posts we put up for you the rest of the time.

(Whaaaat.)

We also get to tell you random things! Like, yes, we know there's been very little new content this week. That's because we've been working on putting together show pages for the top links bar. Because we love you and want you to have access to all the data at once. Also because we like being able to go back and check our own compendium of information when we're fussing at new episodes. The Grimm page is live now, as you can see; the Haven page should go up sometime in the next couple of weeks. A needs to finish her rewatch, and both of us need to run a quick immersion course in Stephen King before that happens. You can expect these pages to be updated whenever we get things to add to them!

Also in the works is a draft of that blood magic post for Grimm, which A plans to finish writing and put up after the Renard-Juliette plotline resolves to at least some degree; a study of Hank's house; and of course the La Llorona ep coming out this Friday. On the Haven side, Jeux sans frontières is slowly acquiring notes but probably won't be put together into a (massive, massive) post until after season 3 finishes airing; opening credit changes is 90% finished; and at some point we'll pull together all the information that indicates that Haven isn't even nearby to our universe. Note what we're not promising: this is A's birthday weekend, so Real Estate analysis may be delayed until Wednesday after airtime. Yes, that's Halloween. Yes, that's on purpose. Yes, we're giant dorks; you must all know this or you wouldn't be here.

You may, as usual, find a more complete list of forthcoming posts in the sidebar to your right. Please fasten your seatbelts and enjoy the ride.

Warning: We say 'fuck' a lot.

Full Court Press Haven S3E05 Double Jeopardy

Previously  on Haven: Duke was morally ambiguous! Nathan was morally ambiguous! Moral ambiguity for everyone! But Duke is adamant about not being his father's son and not treating murder as a means to a greater good, and Nathan is getting deeper and deeper into bed with a woman about whom he knows very little, and yes, that phrasing was on purpose. Meanwhile Audrey is remembering more and more about Lucy's life. Or possibly even Sarah's, depending on that barn.

And then we have cheerleaders! Their color draws our focus for the first second or two of the scene, which is both a nice way of indicating in retrospect that objectification of women (not that objectification of women is all of what cheerleaders are about at all, but in this context that is the role they play) is a significant thing in this segment and also a way of establishing cheerleader uniforms for Claire in the upcoming episode. And now the objectification of cheerleaders part comes out more strongly as the cheerleaders lose the focus of the camera, which moves instead to a man smiling at them holding a brown paper bag. There's about half a second where he could be someone who has a non-skeevy reason to smile, a parent, a coach, an alum, but no. Instead of going up to someone and talking about the event for which the cheerleaders are there he focuses again (and the camera focuses with him) on another woman in a short skirt, an older woman this time. In white, just to emphasize her purity and innocence and to contrast with what's about to happen to her. He smiles, goes up and we again get about half a second where it could be that he's going up to talk to her about something, but, no. He stands behind her, we get a series of shots of the ground around calf level and him smirking with a tiny flash of anticipation, back to the ground and the bag, back to face level, he nudges the bag closer and we see it has a cereal box with a hole in the top of it. And just in case we didn't understand what he was doing before, we get a slightly damp exhale. Ew.

And yes, that cereal box is for Dandel-Os, and no, I'm not dignifying the reference with a further response. Except possibly to ponder why we've been getting the gratuitous Dark Tower references fast and thick lately.