Tuesday, August 19, 2014

A Grimm Feast: Awkward Bratwurst (S3E12)

Hello, Murderlings.  Guess what I did today?  I donated blood!  Yay!  Why am I sharing this?  Because while some people go through the donation process and shrug it off quite easily, I do not.  I take at least half an hour longer than normal before I can safely stand up, and for the rest of the day, I’m a bit…slow.  I was okay for most of the day but I’m especially punchy right now, because I’m tired and hungry and…I forget where I was going with this thought.

Anna: “So why did you decide to do a blog post and donate blood on the same day?”
Elle: “It happened to be a Wednesday.  I didn’t plan this.”
Anna: “Just checking.”

What are we doing today?  Oh right.  Awkward Bratwurst.  Awkwurst!  The entrée that Rosalee served to Monroe’s parents at the most awkward dinner party ever.  Oh, Monroe.  I’d like to make some snarky comment here about how you should’ve handled things differently when introducing your über-conservative Blutbad parents to your Fuchsbau fiancée, but to be honest…I think it went pretty well.  Eventually, anyway.

Monroe’s parents are very German and very carnivorous.  As Monroe says, his father would eat bratwurst if it were thrown on the floor.  We’re not going to do that.  We’re going to cook our bratwurst the way it appears that Rosalee did—in BEER.  You may recall that in the recipe for Juliette’s Honey Pineapple Salmon, I mentioned that we have difficulty finding good quality salmon in our area.  Fortunately, we do NOT have that problem for either beer or brats.  So we’re using the good local stuff.

1/2 an onion
2 bottles of beer (I said beer, not horse piss.  We’re using a nice bock.)
1 lb bratwurst (about 5 brats)

Step 1: Stare at the counter.
Elle: “Can you chop the onion?  I think it’s a bad idea to give me a knife right now.”
Anna: “Yeah, I agree.  How do you want them chopped?”
Elle: (*Mimes*)
Anna: “Strips?”
Elle: “Yeah.”

Let a friend chop the onion.

Step 2: Arrange the onion strips in the bottom of a pot or Dutch Oven.  We’re using the cast iron again, because it’s pretty.

Step 3: Stare at beer bottle.  Try to twist the cap off.  Accept your friend’s offering of a bottle opener and open the bottle correctly.

Step 4: Pour the beer over the onions.  Turn the heat to medium-high.

Step 5: If you have a six-pack, DO NOT DRINK THE LEFTOVER BEER.  You are not allowed to have alcohol for at least another 17 hours.  Drink water instead.  Give your leftover beer to the person who is helping you chop things.

I’ll tell ya what, though…the onions and beer smell pretty good together already.

Step 6: Prick a few small holes in each of the bratwursts on both sides.  This will help prevent them from exploding as they cook.

Step 7: It can be kinda hard to tell if the beer is starting to boil or if that’s just the beer being its usual bubbly self.  But when it really gets going, it’ll be fairly clear.  Once it reaches a boil, add the bratwurst, making sure they’re as submerged as possible.  Let them cook for about 10 minutes.  You may want to turn them over partway through to make sure they cook on all sides.

Step 8: With a few minutes left on the boiling beer, preheat a skillet on a separate burner on medium-high heat.  Again, we’re using the cast iron because preeeeeeeetty.  When a drop of beer on the skillet sizzles, it’s ready.

Step 9: Carefully remove the brats from the beer and transfer them to the skillet to brown.  (Has anyone else noticed how tongs kinda look like some freaky antique gynecological tool?)

Step 10: Flip the brats so they brown on both sides.  When starting the second side, the beer-boiled onions to the skillet so they can caramelize a little.  Keep them moving so they don’t burn, since there isn’t much liquid in the pan.

Step 11: Remove brats and onions to a plate and serve!  Careful, they’ll be hot.

Result: This was my first time making beer brats.  They’re pretty damn simple, and they turned out fabulously.  I’ve seen versions of this recipe that call for adding spices and whatnot, but if you’re using good quality brats and beer like we did, you really don’t need them.  These are DELICIOUS.  We’re eating them in buns with the onions on top, but you could also serve them plain on a bed of onions like in the picture.  I hear that apples and cabbage are good too, if you really want to get into the old-fashioned Germanic thing.  I was planning on doing apples and cabbage at first, but…ya know.  It took considerable effort just to get to the grocery store today.  I ended up going with an escort, as we all decided that it was best for someone else drive me when I suddenly couldn’t remember how roads worked.


Lo and behold, getting some food into me really helped with the whole loopiness thing.  Hi, world.  I think I’m mostly sane again.

Next week, we’ll feed our favorite runaway and rogue Grimm with Trubel’s Scarf-It-Down Spaghetti.  Hopefully, I won’t be on cough syrup or something by that time.  Ahem.

1/2 an onion
2 bottles of beer
1 lb bratwurst (about 5 brats)


Slice the onion into strips and place in the bottom of a heavy pot or Dutch Oven.  Pour the beer over top of the onions and turn burner to medium-high heat.

When beer is boiling, add the bratwurst.  Make sure each brat is as submerged as possible.  Boil for ten minutes, turning over partway through to ensure brats are cooked all the way through.

In the last few minutes of boiling, preheat a skillet over medium-high heat until a drop of water sizzles on the surface.  Remove boiled brats from the beer and transfer to the skillet to brown on both sides.

When turning the brats over, add the boiled onion strips to the skillet to caramelize.  Stir constantly to prevent burning or sticking.

When brats have reached desired doneness, remove from skillet and serve with onions.

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