Friday, July 11, 2014

A Grimm Feast: Juliette’s Honey Pineapple Salmon (S1E19)

Juliette, meet Monroe!  This was the entrée she served when Nick’s “other” work partner finally came over for dinner.  They talked, they laughed…then everything got awkward when Monroe slipped up and Juliette started asking questions that the boys couldn’t answer.  Oh, boys.  If you knew then what you know now, you wouldn’t have kept it a secret from her for so long.

Now, in the episode, Juliette made a vegan salmon steak for Monroe.  After last week’s cupcake debacle, you know how I can be with culinary research; I spent hours searching for what looked like a credible recipe for a salmon substitute.  (Apparently the most widely accepted recipe for “vegan salmon mousse” is only called that because it’s tinted pink, not because it actually tastes like salmon.)  I was midway through trying to invent a new faux-salmon recipe when a certain someone glared at me and reminded me that NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE WILL EAT THAT.  So as curious as I am to break new frontiers in the art of mock-meat, I’m gonna skip it this time and use actual salmon.  If you’re vegetarian or vegan and you have a reliable source for faux-salmon, feel free to use that.

If you’re selecting real salmon, make sure you get something of reasonably good quality.  We live in a landlocked area, so buying salmon around here is a bit tricky.  There are generally four guidelines to follow.

1.) Wild is better.  (Farmed salmon is still tasty, but it won’t have consumed the same nutrients as a wild-caught salmon, which will reduce its own nutritional value.)

2.) Pinker is better.  (This means it consumed LOTS of nutrients and is good and healthy.  The exception to this rule is farmed salmon, which tend to be naturally grey and dyed pink.)

3.) Pacific is better.  (Particularly Alaskan salmon, if you can find it where you live.  There tends to be less marine pollution in that area.  Yes, I’ve also heard about radiation from Fukushima drifting across the Pacific.  Click here for something you can read if you’re worried about that.  If you’re still not comfortable with eating salmon, just don’t eat it.  I’m sure this recipe would work well on chicken too.)

4.) Sustainable is better.  (Of course the environmental reasons for this are at the top of the list.  But for those who are uncomfortable with using words that hippies use, consider that sustainable fisheries generally bring in a smaller catch, so they tend to be able to process the fish faster and more carefully.  This means it’s fresher and cleaner when it gets to you.  Yes, I’m sure that the massive fishery where your uncle worked back in the day was an excellent employer for the surrounding five towns and you are very proud of it.  I’m not here to insult your uncle.  Like I said, these are just guidelines.  In the words of Yukon Cornelius: “You eat what you like and I’ll eat what I like!”)

Now on to the recipe.

Ingredients
2 salmon filets  (Mine are 1/4 lb each, but you can go bigger)
1 20 oz can pineapple slices, liquid reserved
3 tbsp honey
2 tbsp balsamic white wine vinegar
1/4 tsp paprika
Olive oil
Cooking spray

Directions

Step 1: In a small bowl, mix together the honey, vinegar, paprika, and the juice from the canned pineapple.  (About 3/4 of a cup.)  Pro tip: if you don’t have a strainer with you, you can just stick your finger down the middle of the pineapple rings and hold them in place while you dump out the can into a bowl.

Step 2: Uh…poop.  The original recipe calls for balsamic vinegar, which I thought we had, but…oops.  Um.  White wine vinegar!  That works, right?  White wine is supposed to go with fish, or something.

Step 3: Give your honey a nice talking-to about how it really should play nice with the other ingredients.  Now dissolve, dammit!  (Keep stirring until it does.)


Step 4: Lay out a square of foil.  (Just make it roughly as long as the roll is wide.)  Place two slices of pineapple across the center.

Step 5: Rinse a salmon filet and pat dry.  Brush the skin side with olive oil and OH GOD OH GOD FLASHBACKS to the time when I was eight and the skin side of a salmon filet freaked me out so much that I ran screaming from the kitchen and couldn’t bring myself to go back in the same room with it for another half hour and even when I did I would only touch it with a pair of tongs and a barbecue fork.  Ahem.

Step 6: Lay the salmon skin-down on the pineapple slices.


Step 7: When washing your hands, do not forget which towel you used to pat dry the fish, or you will end up drying your nice clean hands on a fishy fish-towel and have to wash them again.  Double ahem.

Step 8: Anna’s favorite question.  “HEY, IS THE OVEN ON?”  …triple ahem.  Preheat the oven to 350˚F.

Step 9: Fold up the sides of the foil (on the short sides of the salmon first, then the long side) and make a little foil pocket.  Be sure to leave small steam vents in the sides or else fishy kaboom.  Also be sure to fold the short sides up first or else your glaze will run out all over the place instead of staying in with your fish like it’s supposed to.

Step 10: Spoon 2 tbsp of the glaze mixture over the salmon, and lay two more pineapple slices over top.  Fold the top of your little foil pocket shut.


Step 11: Spray a 9x13 inch glass baking pan with cooking spray.  This will help in case you get some of the fishy glaze juice leaking out and baking onto the pan.

Step 12: Carefully transfer your foil fish packet to the baking pan.

Step 13: Repeat with the other salmon filet.

Step 14: Bake for 15 minutes.  (If you’re using larger filets, adjust your cooking time accordingly.)

Step 15: Oops.  I was supposed to pour the rest of the glaze on over top of the second layer of pineapple.  Um.  Eh, I’ll do that during the part where I was supposed to baste them.  It’ll be fiiiiiine.


Step 16: After 15 minutes, remove the pan and carefully unfold the foil packets.  Pour the rest of the glaze evenly over the two filets.  (Er…kinda drowning the fish, now.  This is what the cooking spray was for.)  Re-fold the packets and put back in the oven to bake for another 20 minutes.

Step 17: Check salmon for doneness.  (It should flake easily when you poke it with a fork.)  Aaaaaaand that looks done!  Woot!  Remove salmon and pineapple slices to a plate and serve.  (A spatula will help, as the salmon can be a bit unwieldy.)


Result: Ooh.  Oh yeah.  Oh yeah, that’s…(*eats another few bites*)…that is really nice.  It’s not as sticky as I would’ve expected.  It’s soft and sweet and melt-in-your-mouth tender.  And the paprika is doing really nice things on the pineapple slices.

In retrospect, this recipe may have worked just as well with three filets, (since there was plenty of glaze and there are two pineapple rings left in the can,) though it might’ve been a little harder to fit three foil packets in the pan together.  Also, the glaze is less glazey (due to my mishap with the vinegar) and more like poaching liquid.  I don’t care, though.  It’s delicious, and I will eat it ALL.

Next week, another Juliette recipe…and definitely one of our easiest to date…(Nick Loves) Cilantro Lime Chicken!





Ingredients
2 salmon filets
1 20 oz can pineapple slices, liquid reserved
3 tbsp honey
2 tbsp white wine vinegar
1/4 tsp paprika
Olive oil
Cooking spray

Directions

Preheat oven to 350˚ F.

In a small bowl, mix together the honey, vinegar, paprika, and the juice from the canned pineapple.  (About 3/4 of a cup.)  Stir gently until honey is dissolved.

Lay out two squares of foil.  Place two slices of pineapple across the center of each one.

Rinse the salmon filets and pat dry.  Brush the skin sides with olive oil and lay one filet skin-down on top of each pair of pineapple slices.  Fold up the sides of the foil (on the short sides of the salmon first, then the long side) to make two foil pockets with steam vents.

Spoon 2 tbsp of the liquid mixture over each salmon, and lay two more pineapple slices on top.  Fold the tops of the foil pockets shut.

Spray a 9x13 inch glass baking pan with cooking spray.  Carefully transfer the foil packets to the baking pan.  Bake for 15 minutes.  Remove the pan and carefully unfold the foil packets.  Pour the rest of the liquid mixture evenly over the two filets.  Re-fold the packets and put back in the oven to bake for another 20 minutes.

Check salmon for doneness.  (It should flake easily when poked with a fork.)  Remove salmon and pineapple slices to a plate and serve.

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