Cold Bitter Mist Haven S5E21 Close To Home

Previously! Duke talked to Walter and we hid behind the couch. Also we get a flashback to the girl with the explodes everything she touches Trouble. Oh honey. Walter gave Duke visions of a seriously post-apocalyptic Haven in which Croatoan won, let us not go there, 'tis a silly place. Nathan ran back in time, figured out the Coulton family has a Trouble that'll let them open thinnies if they have a magic ring, and left Duke a note with the creepyass kid from 1983. Who turned into a creepyass adult. Who points him to Hayley, not that creepyass adult knows it. Hi Hayley!

NATHAN'S HOUSE NATHAN'S HOUSE HI NATHAN'S HOUSE. AWWW it's a tiny yellow house how cute! The house number is 247. I'm going to throw something at someone now. He and Audrey are having a relatively quiet start to their morning, she appears to have mostly moved in with him though by what point I'm not sure. Also I suspect this means that his house is well away from Trouble Alley, or anywhere else that might be a serious problem. He's bringing her coffee! They're doing one of the things we do, actually, which is grumble at the insufficient data and chew on it some more until they realize that they really don't have enough. Interrupted by Audrey being adorable at Nathan and warning him about the hot coffee and him being cute back and oh god stoppit both of you. This might be the most stereotypically couple-y we've ever seen them, she gets to check him out half-naked in the morning, there's coffee, they're talking about their plans for the day, and it's promptly turned into a semi-argument about yes this is awesome! You should stay with me and not go into the void so it can keep being awesome, Nathan. Yeah that's not going to happen, Audrey. There's some really sweet bantering about how tired they are of saving the world, and the thing is, it's believable! They should be! But it's also how they work, and what they know, and there's a definite undercurrent of that running through the banter too. What the fuck would they do without crises on a near-constant basis? WHO KNOWS. Not them, that's for sure. Speaking of which, he has to go get the controller crystal in the void when Duke comes back and yes that's a when and not an if, Audrey, I know you're hurt and feeling betrayed, but one of the things he needs is a fucking vacation from the crazy.

What's Done In The Dark Haven S5E15 Power

Previously, on Haven. I think "Everything went straight to hell" is still accurate, don't you? Mara is theoretically gone for good, but hey, it's not like magic is an exact science. Someone's Trouble has warped Haven into a pocket fog dimension, with a black mist eye pulling serial killer, the policing has been turned over to the Guard on the basis that they have more experience, and Duke has fucked off for parts unknown where no one has heard of Haven.

We start off with two very good signs that everything has gone straight to hell: resource lines, and using the local schools as emergency shelters. These are pretty much universal in extremis behaviors! We also get a good sign of how normalized the Troubles are because Audrey's outright saying "If you know your Trouble, please tell the men at the door." So, yeah. It's not so much a new order of things that way as acknowledging what was always hidden. Haven's finally admitted and is starting to come to terms with itself as to what it really is. The rest, though, as with all major all-encompassing crises, yeah, that's a new order of things. Resources are scarce, the future is uncertain, that means there are going to be tensions, people trying to exploit the power they've given, people having too much power and severely fucking up with it (Dwight I am looking at you) and general bad actors. Give it a second.

Choose Someone Else Haven S5E13 Chosen

Previously on Haven! Audrey is sick. Audrey is undergoing Spiderman-style clone decay, I forget the exact name for this, really you guys? Mara wants aether to fix Duke. Nobody believes her except maaaaybe Duke, and he really shouldn't. We get reminded of the existence of the open thinny in Manteo, which has apparently been nothing but a plot device to get us to Bad Decisions time at the end of the episode? I really hope they pick that up next season. Dave has Weird Shit and visions and Croatoan and no, none of that makes sense yet either. Even at the end of the ep. Cue showdown with Charlotte, who turns out to be one of the… whatever aliens/superhumans/whatever the fuck they are, from the other side where Mara and William came from. Why? Because she's Mara's mother! Well, she phrases it as Audrey's mother, but even for the heinous villain Charlotte turns out to be I can sort of forgive her eliding that when confronted by a woman with her daughter's face.

This week… okay I'm going to be upfront with you guys: for us, this was a giant fucking mess of an episode, the magic rules don't make SENSE, they break their own rules at every turn, and given that we've spent four seasons with every woman who isn't Audrey Parker and is on the show for any length of time getting completely fucked over by the narrative, this is… really kind of gross, by the time we get to the end. Apparently if you're not a self-sacrificing empathetic savior figure, you don't have worth as a woman on this show. I'd try and point at Gloria as the exception except she's raising her grandson in the twilight of her life and gave up a peaceful retirement to come back and be the coroner in the middle of the worst bout of Troubles; if that doesn't scream the Crone version of sacrifice and empathy I don't know what does. So if you don't want to read a lot of snarling punctuated by cheering for Dwight going NOPE YOU LIED IN A BIG WAY I'M OUT, GOT SHIT TO DO, I suggest you skip this recapaplypse.

Fatal Attractors Haven S5E12 Chemistry

Previously on Haven! Mara manipulated Duke into letting her off his boat. This has historically been regarded as a Bad Move. Dwight keeps getting manipulated by Charlotte and not wanting to admit it, which is also a Bad Move, though possibly not as bad as Mara. Insufficient data, which is our current and perpetual refrain. And now, Vince's as well! Oh, and Mara managed to seduce Duke.

We'll take it, apparently, from the morning after. Where Duke is already dressed and Mara is naked and using her sexuality as a weapon again. Some more. I'm honestly pretty skeeved out this ep by the extent to which that's portrayed as both the natural inclination of women (I mean, there's good reason for that in our society when you're a woman working to ensure power over men, but still) and portrayed as a horrible thing. But we'll get to that point in awhile. The main point here is, Duke is feeling vulnerable and therefore, dressed and heading out after the aether rather than hanging around for cutesy morning-afters, or the second bout Mara tacitly offers, or anything else. You can just assume that every time we hear about assumptions the boys are making about each other's motives this ep, we're sitting and swearing about TALK TO EACH OTHER. Duke thinks he knows where Dwight and Nathan moved it! Duke, Mara is playing you and using someone else to do it. Duke. No? No. She keeps insisting that she's in this to fix Duke and for the sex, which is kind of fucking ridiculous given her early behaviors. You know, the ones where she murdered and assaulted at least a dozen people in her attempts to get back through the thinny and get William? Those? C'mon, people. The remainder of this scene is what I would consider, and I'm pretty sure some part of Duke considers, transparent attempts to manipulate him into believing that she's on his side and wants to fix him. No really. No really, you do believe her, seriously, what is this, remedial HUMINT? Okay, the distract with snark tactic is slightly better, I'll take it while Duke makes his escape. Thinks he makes his escape.

Trust But Verify Haven S5E11 Reflections

Previously on Haven: how do you solve a problem like the CDC? If you're Dwight, you adopt the new person and are all YES PLEASE YOU ARE SHINY AND PRACTICAL AND NOBODY ELSE AROUND HERE IS. Gee, it's like she was kind of tailor-made for Dwight. Or he was handpicked by her. Or both? Vince was investigating things. Mara was a manipulative fuck at Duke some more, who at least for now seems to be giving in rather than playing her, which is mildly irritating. And Nathan is freaking right out over Audrey still being sick even after Pete's contagion Trouble got, um, dealt with. This seems reasonable, honestly! I'd be pretty freaked too.

We open, oh, probably a day or two after the last episode, not more than that judging by lack of decomp on the body in the crime scene photos. Plus these seasons have been getting what feels like increasingly compressed in their timeline. Nathan is bringing case files instead of coffee and they have one of those quiet, adorable bantering moments. Except Audrey being tired, not just tired of the Troubles and the murders and wishing she could still fix them the way she used to, not just with the barn but with her immunity and the sense of purpose it gave her. At any rate, Nathan's the one holding the intelligence and willing to say shit straight out here while Audrey reaaally would rather not be thinking about what Duke's up to. Whether that's using his Trouble by choice or letting Mara off the boat; I wonder for the umpteenth time how much knowledge of who Mara is and what she's willing to do Audrey learned while she was fighting for her existence. Because I'm sure the answer is "lots" but she's also not talking about it to anyone. About much of anything. Though she will still almost pick a fight with Nathan about whether or not he thinks she's a really real person. Oh Audrey, have you been paying any attention? Nathan will believe you're real with his dying breath. Has! Several times, depending on how you measure it from what happened to Nathan versus what he was expecting to happen. But she is still sick, has a racking cough and probably fatigue, judging by the snippiness, and Nathan, now that Audrey is in need of a kind of support he's better able to give, has picked up the common sense ball! Oh Nathan. It's true, too; they don't know the details of how that Trouble affected Mara and Audrey, and with the loss of her immunity who the hell knows what else might've happened to her. Long term effects are never any fun.

A Grave Man Haven S5E10 Mortality

Previously on Haven: there was a plague! That affected Troubled people! We sat and grumped at the TV about how IT'S PETE, OKAY, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT while everyone was busy trying to make the assorted Troubles emerging not, you know, kill everyone in town. So from an outside the situation POV we were prepared to cut slack. The CDC showed up in town, Dwight got put on cleaner duty because that's exactly what the guy who's gone from Ranger to Guard/cleaner to chief of police and leader of the Guard wants to go back to. Haven gets put under quarantine because that many Troubles are not, in fact, possible to hide. Oh, and creepy fucking dancing bears. Also Dwight broke, tased Duke, and may have broken Duke. I'm still holding out for Duke is playing everyone, personally, but this ep put some laaaarge dents into that theory.

A Plague On Troubled Houses Haven S5E09 Morbidity

Previously on Haven! Mara calls Duke on splitting her from Audrey and keeping them around. Chris Brody turns up, which means we're having probably more than the usual quota of s2 callbacks. Dave's leg and the CDC are a little beyond a Trouble and straight into a problem.

Let's start with oh goodie, more of Dave's fucked up dreams. I think there's a little more green on the blue filter than there has been, which might not mean anything other than oh look a lot of trees. And then, right, chasing through the forest, no more filter which means, I guess, all the way out the other side of the thinny and into our world? Or that's the suggestion of it, at least. Then running into the deer and killing it, that we've seen before. The deer morphing into a still-alive naked young woman who screams and has black fog coming from her face is a new one on us. Sort of reverse Greek, isn't it? CROATOAN carved into the tree is also old, but masses and masses of dead? unconscious? paralyzed? people dressed in colonial-era (probably meant to be Pilgrim-era) clothes. It's blurry and foggy and hard to get more than a rough count, but that looks like… eh, fifteen or so people, all ages, men and women. I think I am going for paralyzed, because one of the figures is sitting. And then we see the thinny from this side, glowing blue and green and all kinds of ominous!

Photo Finish Haven S5E08 Exposure

Previously on Haven! We get a thorough recap of what this Trouble is and how it works, to the point where we're jumping up and down going YES THIS IS HOW IT WORKS NOW FIGURE IT OUT and wondering what, exactly, the mystery of this ep is. Or if it's just intended to be a spooky ep. And then we realized maybe we've been doing this awhile. Oh, and Dave's leg is still an issue, and here we were wondering where the metaplot was. The Teagues stole it. Who's surprised?

We begin on Duke's boat with another meal being brought to everyone's favorite prisoner and a fucklot of lampshades for how she's holding all the cards. Well. Yes. She does have a point, she's got a lot of knowledge tucked away in there and they're not exactly treating her well. That looks like beans or some kind of vegetable-laden stew? soup? again, which might be okay if it were seasoned decently and not the fifth time this week. She lays it out there: Duke needs to release a Trouble, Nathan's a ghost, Audrey's not immune, she's the only link to Nathan they've got and gee, she hammers on that, I wonder if he showed up to tell her about the dead ghost-body? Hmmm. Duke, honey, trying to insist that Mara being your link to Nathan is the only reason you haven't thrown her overboard is… not actually the way to convince anyone this is true. But that's for later. Now is for Mara admitting that she started negotiations with the big thing she didn't think she'd get (the Crocker journal) and she's falling back to… asking Duke for a story about his mother. Oh goodie. I mean, we've been sitting here going "where the fuck are the mothers" for awhile now, but this is a lot bit creepy. And that said, without Duke's mother actually showing up I don't know how else we'd ever have gotten him talking about her. I'd love to know which of the many motives I'm sure Mara has are topping her list: fucking with Duke, getting to know something about him Audrey (and Nathan?) don't, digging for information that may or may not be helpful… it's a veritable treasure chest of motives in there, up to and including Mara knows something we don't know. Duke flat shuts that one down right away, leading to taunts and teasing about Nathan getting dead. She does, in fact, give him enough to make the situation more desperate, but given that he doesn't have any reason to believe she's not lying to get what she wants, and/or exaggerating the direness of the situation… well. Plus it's too early in the episode! This one's going to take a whole long string of events before Duke's willing to break into that pile of issues.

Paul Is Dead Haven S5E07 Nowhere Man

Previously, on Haven! They brought Audrey back! And according to Millikin this was always the way they intended to do it, which makes us feel so much better about things (no, seriously, no sarcasm) and gives us a fair bit of glee. Audrey is of course naked on arrival, but Nathan is not letting on whether or not he can feel her touch, so.

Our first shot is the Cape Rouge! Alas, Cape Rouge, we will miss you. For those of you who didn't catch it the first couple times we mourned (I think this is the first episode set in large part on the Cape Rouge this season?), the boat that serves as the look and shell and establishing shot of the Cape Rouge actually sank recently, and I believe it's non-recoverable. Thankfully as far as production is concerned, they've already got a lot of establishing shots and everything else is shot on a soundstage, so Haven is still good to go. The poor people who owned that boat, though. At any rate, we start off in the Cape Rouge, with Duke pouring through the Crocker journal to find anything about body splitting or cloning or split personalities or anything like that. Duke can't find a damn thing, and the best he can come up with is weird mutant Trouble. The best Nathan can come up with is that maybe it was one he doesn't know about, since the Crocker family (of serial killers, thanks Nathan) (no, really, thanks, the snark gets Audrey to smile at the familiarity of it) probably didn't keep perfect records. Actually, Nathan, serial killers can be very meticulous to the point of mental disorder, so maybe they did keep perfect records! No, no they didn't, the Crocker curse is more like a drug addiction than the kind of compulsion that drives serial killers and I'm getting off topic. The end result is they have no idea what happened. But they're glad it did. Audrey is off in the corner, somewhat less damsely and more understandably shook up and fragile over what happened. She does focus more on the fact that it's just her in her body, Audrey Parker, and not Sarah or Lucy or Veronica or any of the others we've heard about so far, and that's a good thing to be focusing on. But then they also have the demon in their basement, and Audrey is in favor of giving her over to the Guard. Which I actually find unusual or unlike her, but not in an out of character way? It's a very much in character reaction to what Mara has put her and everyone else through, and I like that they went there. Duke, of course, is also in favor of this. We're in favor of it too, guys! Motion carries? Wait, no, we don't actually get a vote, dammit. Nathan doesn't want this to go down until Dwight gets back into town, because Dwight left town? And suddenly I see why they fridged his sister, maybe, although it's still irritating me that there's a sister in the fridge. Who wants to bet this is Adam Copeland's paternity leave coming up, yes? Yes.

The Secret Job Haven S5E06 The Old Switcheroo (Part 2)

Previously on Haven: Vince and Dave switched bodies! Dwight and Gloria switched bodies! Nathan got another of his brilliant fucking ideas to try and bring Audrey back out, which led to Mara faking it like the lying liar she is to Duke when he talked to her about the hotel room in Colorado. The name of the Troubled family is given! Duke and Nathan switch bodies! The boys attempt to fool Mara, Dave!Vince finds the thinny in the Doohan backyard in Manteo, none of this can possibly go anywhere good. It's a pretty quick and dirty summary of last ep only, and I'm really looking forward to the possibility that they'll drop the two parter shtick going forward. Maybe? Hopefully? Please? Not that I think it was kind of them to fling a double-length season at a writers' room that's spent four years adjusting to the pace of a 13-ep season, but I remain unconvinced that this was the sensible way to go about it.

We pick up back in Haven, not at the Gull as we might half-expect but with Jeffrey the mental patient exhibiting remarkably few signs of psychosis. Apart from forgetting that he's in standard hospital whites, or not thinking to replace them at least, which I think is as much a function of personality and habit as it is of genuine lack of mental faculties. Cabbie notices! Cabbie wants cash, and if not cash he's going to make comments about well you're a mental patient. Which gets him bodyswapped, with the sort of apology that says Jeff knows exactly what his Trouble is and how it works and how disorienting to people it is. Poor cab driver is duly discomfited, including some physical acting that suggests he got bodyswapped with a woman. Probably his wife. Ooh, that's going to be fun.

The Manteo Job Haven S5E05 The Old Switcharoo (Part 1)

Previously! Oh our first glimpse is of Dave's adoption file and the cave and the thinny and possessed!Dave nearly dropping into said thinny. And being more possessed after. That's not good. I'll be over here getting the booze while we get the semi-short recap of talking to Audrey rather than Mara and how well that worked up until Mara found out Audrey was in there. Uh-HUH. Because that's going to totally convince Nathan she's gone. I believe that. Thousands actually would. Nathan, not so much. Although if we're getting into technicalities I can believe that Mara will eventually choose to accept the memories and emotions associated with Audrey and form some kind of synthesis, because how we remember things affects how we think about them and ourselves, and she's stuck with that now the same way all the AudSarLu constructs were stuck with memories of someone who wasn't really them, either.

Next morning, or some morning not very long after the cabin of really disturbing interrogation scenes that make us feel sorry for Mara, Mara's still not a fan of pancakes. You know, while I appreciate on some level the fanservice and in-jokes that they're doing with this, surely Audrey had another meal she liked? Even assuming she's in there I'd be sick of the same damn things by now too. Some standard gloating over how she doesn't like pancakes, the plan won't work, Audrey's dead, yadda yadda. Although she does point out one major flaw in this plan, which is that it requires her to have utensils, which gives her weapons. She will now insult Duke's tacos (could be worse, could be waffles) and get threatened with force-feeding. DUKE. You're supposed to be the good guys, don't even fucking start that shit. I'd throw a fork at him too, but I'd make sure it hit. Neither of you is making this whole thing where we try not to sympathize with the Evil Cackling Evil any easier right now. Especially not with Duke about to offer to create holes in order to feed her. DUKE. SERIOUSLY. I know you miss Audrey and you feel like shit in general, but oh my god that is not helping, either with getting Audrey back or with getting cooperation off Mara. For once I'm with Nathan, let's discuss strategy. Out back on the docks of the Gull where many a serious conversation's taken place over the last four seasons. Duke will now switch up providing the voice of reason, or at least the voice of Nathan you're completely fucking fixated would you consider the possibility that you're wrong? No? No. Not even with new and disappointing data about what Mara didn't know wasn't hurting Audrey, and now that she does, well. Bye, Audrey. Duke protests that he can't handle someone that hateful, essentially, looking out of Audrey's face, and hasn't he done enough, though he's pretty careful not to frame it in those words. Nope! Sorry, you're going along for the ride, Duke, and Nathan's just had an Idea. Possibly to probably not a good one, either, based on his track record.

This Quintessence of Dust Haven S5E04 Much Ado About Mara

Haven S5E04 Much Ado About Mara

Previously on Haven! Jodie shoots beams of concentrated light, isn't THAT fun. Dwight accused Duke of hiding shit, which was true, Nathan continued to fixate on Maraudrey to the probable, yes, retention of Audrey's personality in there but let's not forget that this is actually a complex moral and ethical question. Something that I remain unconvinced the writers are aware of, in their relentless pursuit for the Ultimate Love Story. Duke needs to release a Trouble or die! Mara will help him! Everyone who's not exceedingly suspicious of that, raise your hands. I'd sit on mine except I have to type.

How Infinite In Faculty Haven S5E03 Spotlight

Previously on Haven, someone edited the fuck out of this sequence to make it look like Nathan was the only person with emotional issues surrounding Audrey versus Mara. Ahahahahahaha. Ha. Ha. No, nuh-uh, cute, nice try, nope. Though the Teagues are Sirs Not Appearing In This Episode, which doesn't give us any of the warm fuzzies, just means their assorted issues are taking place, shall we say, offstage. This does not, in fact, inspire confidence or trust in what happens when they return. As it is, our drama this episode is almost entirely, thank you previouslies, about Nathan and Maraudrey. Also we had Jennifer die so Duke could be sad (seriously this is Haven you guys couldn't have left it a mystery? what's one more? honestly) and Dwight took over the Guard. Nobody believes Nathan actually plans to deliver Maraudrey to the Guard because Nathan is an easy fucking mark. Okay, possibly not a mark, but still and nonetheless, I disapprove so much of all of his actions.

Meet The New Boss Haven S5E02 Speak No Evil

Previously, on Haven! The Lighthouse! The door! Bye William, we will not miss you. Jennifer collapses! The thinny explodes! Everyone gets separated! Duke's Trouble is hurting people! Dwight is the only one apparently stable enough to take care of everything, which means people look to him, not Vince. This won't lead to anything, I'm sure. We get a brief replay on thinnies, Mara, Vickie's Trouble, and Mara's power and what she needs and how it works. Oh, and Nathan was an idiot some more, which got him shot. Though not fatally, despite an excellent headshot earlier, which is clearly meant to be somewhat ambiguous! Certainly we know Nathan will take it that way.

So! Let's have a look at the aftermath of all this, since this, last episode, and last season finale all take place within about a day, two days. Just to put it in perspective. It's not a very good day or so for anyone. We start out on the spit of land with Nathan quite sensibly leaning up against the front wheel well of his truck while Duke hauls up behind him, because while he may or may not be able to feel the gunshot wound he finally has learned sense about getting shot! Okay, no, that's unfair, this is I think the first time we've seen him get shot without another person around who was going to patch him up or haul him to be patched up the second the crisis was over. So he's holding still in case he bleeds out and waiting for someone to come find him. Wise! Wiser still would have been finding his damn phone, but there's a non-zero chance Maraudrey took it, so. Duke is sufficiently traumatized and wrapped up in his own problems that he can't even look at Nathan while he 'fesses up to the Barrow Trouble being his doing and therefore misses the not all that subtle tells that Nathan's barely with it. But his conclusion is, stay zen, try not to fuck anyone else up. That's completely reasonable and, as he says, next to impossible under the circumstances, and in conclusion, Fucking Haven. Nathan's got some small surprise about this! And it's very, very touching and telling that both of these guys have moved to a place where they do want to support each other, be there for one another, from the aggressive mutual dislike and distrust of s1. Witness the speed with which Duke goes from WOE AND DOOM to oh my god she shot you, hang on where's the damn first aid kit.

See Her Very Well Haven S5E01 See No Evil

Haven S5E01 See No Evil

At long, long last - no, really, this has been one of the longest fucking summers of our lives - we return to you with more new Haven. (S2 catch-up on Haven, along with Sleepy Hollow and the little-discussed but much-considered Helix, are all on the backburner until we figure out what new fall schedules do to our ability to get posts out while retaining what we pretend is our sanity.) A word to the wise in case you're new, or if you've just forgotten in the intervening months: this is not a shipper blog. We actually care very little, at this point, about the Nathan/Audrey romance, not least because Nathan goes through long periods of level-grinding where he flings himself like an idiot at a brick wall, metaphorical or literal, and then has sudden Moments Of Awesome. Which is totally plausible as a character! I know people like that! They're just unfortunately always the kind of person you want to smack upside the head with a cluebat until they get it.