The Secret Job Haven S5E06 The Old Switcheroo (Part 2)

Previously on Haven: Vince and Dave switched bodies! Dwight and Gloria switched bodies! Nathan got another of his brilliant fucking ideas to try and bring Audrey back out, which led to Mara faking it like the lying liar she is to Duke when he talked to her about the hotel room in Colorado. The name of the Troubled family is given! Duke and Nathan switch bodies! The boys attempt to fool Mara, Dave!Vince finds the thinny in the Doohan backyard in Manteo, none of this can possibly go anywhere good. It's a pretty quick and dirty summary of last ep only, and I'm really looking forward to the possibility that they'll drop the two parter shtick going forward. Maybe? Hopefully? Please? Not that I think it was kind of them to fling a double-length season at a writers' room that's spent four years adjusting to the pace of a 13-ep season, but I remain unconvinced that this was the sensible way to go about it.

We pick up back in Haven, not at the Gull as we might half-expect but with Jeffrey the mental patient exhibiting remarkably few signs of psychosis. Apart from forgetting that he's in standard hospital whites, or not thinking to replace them at least, which I think is as much a function of personality and habit as it is of genuine lack of mental faculties. Cabbie notices! Cabbie wants cash, and if not cash he's going to make comments about well you're a mental patient. Which gets him bodyswapped, with the sort of apology that says Jeff knows exactly what his Trouble is and how it works and how disorienting to people it is. Poor cab driver is duly discomfited, including some physical acting that suggests he got bodyswapped with a woman. Probably his wife. Ooh, that's going to be fun.

The Manteo Job Haven S5E05 The Old Switcharoo (Part 1)

Previously! Oh our first glimpse is of Dave's adoption file and the cave and the thinny and possessed!Dave nearly dropping into said thinny. And being more possessed after. That's not good. I'll be over here getting the booze while we get the semi-short recap of talking to Audrey rather than Mara and how well that worked up until Mara found out Audrey was in there. Uh-HUH. Because that's going to totally convince Nathan she's gone. I believe that. Thousands actually would. Nathan, not so much. Although if we're getting into technicalities I can believe that Mara will eventually choose to accept the memories and emotions associated with Audrey and form some kind of synthesis, because how we remember things affects how we think about them and ourselves, and she's stuck with that now the same way all the AudSarLu constructs were stuck with memories of someone who wasn't really them, either.

Next morning, or some morning not very long after the cabin of really disturbing interrogation scenes that make us feel sorry for Mara, Mara's still not a fan of pancakes. You know, while I appreciate on some level the fanservice and in-jokes that they're doing with this, surely Audrey had another meal she liked? Even assuming she's in there I'd be sick of the same damn things by now too. Some standard gloating over how she doesn't like pancakes, the plan won't work, Audrey's dead, yadda yadda. Although she does point out one major flaw in this plan, which is that it requires her to have utensils, which gives her weapons. She will now insult Duke's tacos (could be worse, could be waffles) and get threatened with force-feeding. DUKE. You're supposed to be the good guys, don't even fucking start that shit. I'd throw a fork at him too, but I'd make sure it hit. Neither of you is making this whole thing where we try not to sympathize with the Evil Cackling Evil any easier right now. Especially not with Duke about to offer to create holes in order to feed her. DUKE. SERIOUSLY. I know you miss Audrey and you feel like shit in general, but oh my god that is not helping, either with getting Audrey back or with getting cooperation off Mara. For once I'm with Nathan, let's discuss strategy. Out back on the docks of the Gull where many a serious conversation's taken place over the last four seasons. Duke will now switch up providing the voice of reason, or at least the voice of Nathan you're completely fucking fixated would you consider the possibility that you're wrong? No? No. Not even with new and disappointing data about what Mara didn't know wasn't hurting Audrey, and now that she does, well. Bye, Audrey. Duke protests that he can't handle someone that hateful, essentially, looking out of Audrey's face, and hasn't he done enough, though he's pretty careful not to frame it in those words. Nope! Sorry, you're going along for the ride, Duke, and Nathan's just had an Idea. Possibly to probably not a good one, either, based on his track record.

This Quintessence of Dust Haven S5E04 Much Ado About Mara

Haven S5E04 Much Ado About Mara

Previously on Haven! Jodie shoots beams of concentrated light, isn't THAT fun. Dwight accused Duke of hiding shit, which was true, Nathan continued to fixate on Maraudrey to the probable, yes, retention of Audrey's personality in there but let's not forget that this is actually a complex moral and ethical question. Something that I remain unconvinced the writers are aware of, in their relentless pursuit for the Ultimate Love Story. Duke needs to release a Trouble or die! Mara will help him! Everyone who's not exceedingly suspicious of that, raise your hands. I'd sit on mine except I have to type.

How Infinite In Faculty Haven S5E03 Spotlight

Previously on Haven, someone edited the fuck out of this sequence to make it look like Nathan was the only person with emotional issues surrounding Audrey versus Mara. Ahahahahahaha. Ha. Ha. No, nuh-uh, cute, nice try, nope. Though the Teagues are Sirs Not Appearing In This Episode, which doesn't give us any of the warm fuzzies, just means their assorted issues are taking place, shall we say, offstage. This does not, in fact, inspire confidence or trust in what happens when they return. As it is, our drama this episode is almost entirely, thank you previouslies, about Nathan and Maraudrey. Also we had Jennifer die so Duke could be sad (seriously this is Haven you guys couldn't have left it a mystery? what's one more? honestly) and Dwight took over the Guard. Nobody believes Nathan actually plans to deliver Maraudrey to the Guard because Nathan is an easy fucking mark. Okay, possibly not a mark, but still and nonetheless, I disapprove so much of all of his actions.

Meet The New Boss Haven S5E02 Speak No Evil

Previously, on Haven! The Lighthouse! The door! Bye William, we will not miss you. Jennifer collapses! The thinny explodes! Everyone gets separated! Duke's Trouble is hurting people! Dwight is the only one apparently stable enough to take care of everything, which means people look to him, not Vince. This won't lead to anything, I'm sure. We get a brief replay on thinnies, Mara, Vickie's Trouble, and Mara's power and what she needs and how it works. Oh, and Nathan was an idiot some more, which got him shot. Though not fatally, despite an excellent headshot earlier, which is clearly meant to be somewhat ambiguous! Certainly we know Nathan will take it that way.

So! Let's have a look at the aftermath of all this, since this, last episode, and last season finale all take place within about a day, two days. Just to put it in perspective. It's not a very good day or so for anyone. We start out on the spit of land with Nathan quite sensibly leaning up against the front wheel well of his truck while Duke hauls up behind him, because while he may or may not be able to feel the gunshot wound he finally has learned sense about getting shot! Okay, no, that's unfair, this is I think the first time we've seen him get shot without another person around who was going to patch him up or haul him to be patched up the second the crisis was over. So he's holding still in case he bleeds out and waiting for someone to come find him. Wise! Wiser still would have been finding his damn phone, but there's a non-zero chance Maraudrey took it, so. Duke is sufficiently traumatized and wrapped up in his own problems that he can't even look at Nathan while he 'fesses up to the Barrow Trouble being his doing and therefore misses the not all that subtle tells that Nathan's barely with it. But his conclusion is, stay zen, try not to fuck anyone else up. That's completely reasonable and, as he says, next to impossible under the circumstances, and in conclusion, Fucking Haven. Nathan's got some small surprise about this! And it's very, very touching and telling that both of these guys have moved to a place where they do want to support each other, be there for one another, from the aggressive mutual dislike and distrust of s1. Witness the speed with which Duke goes from WOE AND DOOM to oh my god she shot you, hang on where's the damn first aid kit.

See Her Very Well Haven S5E01 See No Evil

Haven S5E01 See No Evil

At long, long last - no, really, this has been one of the longest fucking summers of our lives - we return to you with more new Haven. (S2 catch-up on Haven, along with Sleepy Hollow and the little-discussed but much-considered Helix, are all on the backburner until we figure out what new fall schedules do to our ability to get posts out while retaining what we pretend is our sanity.) A word to the wise in case you're new, or if you've just forgotten in the intervening months: this is not a shipper blog. We actually care very little, at this point, about the Nathan/Audrey romance, not least because Nathan goes through long periods of level-grinding where he flings himself like an idiot at a brick wall, metaphorical or literal, and then has sudden Moments Of Awesome. Which is totally plausible as a character! I know people like that! They're just unfortunately always the kind of person you want to smack upside the head with a cluebat until they get it.

A Grimm Feast: Trubel's Scarf-It-Down Spaghetti (S3E20)

Click here to jump to Just The Recipe.

Have we mentioned how much we love Trubel?  ‘Cause we love her.  We love Her Badassiness so very much—the dark, wandering loner who doesn’t have a chip on her shoulder so much as the whole bag of Doritos.  It would be so easy to slide into cliché territory with this role, but Jacqueline Toboni and the writers have done SO WELL with her at every turn that right from the start, she has felt completely honest and real.  Right down to how she eats.

It is extremely common for runaways, foster kids, and the like to eat the way Trubel does—inhaling as much food as possible, as fast as possible before it goes away.  When you don’t know what or when your next meal will be, you do what you have to do.  Even if these kids eventually end up in a safe home with plenty of food, they often continue eating this way for awhile out of habit.  That’s why it wasn’t surprising that when Trubel joined the rest of the Scooby Gang for a delicious spaghetti dinner, she went to town on that bowl of pasta like Shaggy on a pot-brownie buffet.

Of course, we’d also like to think that Juliette’s spaghetti is just THAT GOOD.  Or more accurately, her spaghetti sauce.