A Most Ingenious Paradox Haven S3E09 Sarah

Previously on Haven: Audrey thought she was an FBI agent. Then she found out she was actually several women in rapid succession. Vince was fucking creepy and only mildly helpful with the indicating there was a common underlying personality between all the false memories, and Claire ran behind Audrey jamming lampshades onto her actions. Duke thinks someone with a Significant Tattoo of Omeny Goodness wants to kill him because of his family Trouble that means killing a cursed person kills the Trouble, and, oh yeah, his father wants him to kill Audrey. Awkward.

Also, as a matter of bookkeeping, although many of you probably guessed, the content on Murderboarding is going to get a bit thin soon. Not just because of the hiatus (details to come soon), although Haven is about to close for the season and Grimm has already taken its intermission bows. But between us we've got the holidays to prepare for, a house to move into, an increased day job workload to deal with, family to visit, new projects to work on, our wives to murder and Guildor to frame for it. We're swamped.

So, we started at Duke's bedside, which to my way of thinking is an excellent place to start out, I mean, I could start in Duke's very large very comfortable looking bed with no problem. Or maybe that's because I just woke up. We get a decent look at Duke's bedside table for the first time in a while, looks like it has a couple of books, a candle, a box of a pair of those tai chi hand exercise balls, and a bottle of possibly red wine and a glass. There's a couple of implications here, that Duke has at least semi-refined tastes or that Duke is now needing wine to get to sleep, and I'm not sure which inferences we're supposed to make. There's only one glass, though, so it wasn't a romantic bottle of wine. He also has the pirate coin, which he flips idly in the air with a quiet "Happy Birthday, Dad," so, probably at least the second inference for last night, then. And his father's journal, which he now opens and looks through. The picture of Sarah and Dave Teagues is clipped in there, reminding us that Audrey trusts Duke with a whole hell of a lot. I don't think she'd let that picture out of her possession otherwise. There's also the possibility, though, that it's a scanned copy.

Anyway, there's the obituary. "Died August 16, 1955. Roy Crocker, known around Haven for his genial nature and ever-present grin, passed away suddenly on August 16. He was 35. The long-time barkeep at The Shore Club, Crocker often lent a sympathetic ear or a stiff drink to the townsfolk of Haven, and [Duke's finger] their woes with [Duke's finger] of each." And then the rest of it is either folded or blurry. On the back Simon's handwriting says Roy was Killed by Sarah Vernon, which Duke reminds us is also Audrey. Notably, he only looks perturbed/disturbed by it for a moment before visibly shaking it off, most likely trying to reconcile the Audrey he knows with a person who killed his grandfather. There might also be some awareness of his own murder record in there, given that he's killed at least one man before that we know of. Then again, so has Audrey, killed one person that he knows of, but it was in defense of another. Turning the page we and Duke find that the last entry on the day Roy Crocker died was Stuart Mosley. Who it just so happens lives in Haven! And yet we already know this isn't going to end well. Let the time travel headaches begin!

Duke closes the door of his jeep (apparently affectionately named The Tramp going by the writing on the side) and goes over to to the back of Stuart Mosley's house. Stuart Mosley is apparently pruning his tomato plants because a couple of the Haven writers have copious tomato plants, which rather amuses me. All Duke manages to get out before and while Mosley's turning around and getting a look at him is that he found Mosley's name in his grandfather's journal in an entry written on the day his grandfather died. Stuart Mosley, with the kind of eerie accuracy that TV characters have (look, I just saw an old friend from 20 years ago earlier this week, these sorts of things are on my mind) recognizes Duke as someone he saw almost sixty years ago, and Duke looking not a day older. Well, if that wouldn't trigger a Trouble... and Duke pops out of Haven-Now and into Haven-Then. I have to stop here and wonder what damn use that kind of Trouble is, before I remember that there's really no damn use to being a bullet magnet either, or having the ability to spontaneously change shape and make attack-aging babies. So there's that then.

Duke appears on a beach and has the best reaction ever, which is the sanitized for TV version of FUCKING HAVEN. Because what do you do when your life is turned upside down by a Trouble? Assuming you're not in immediate danger, of course. FUCKING HAVEN. Or at least I would. Of course, having seen the episode promo we know why Duke's not getting any service to his cell phone, but he doesn't, so he wanders up to the nearest building and/or congregation of people in the hopes of finding a working cell tower. And somehow he manages to miss the a) 50s music, b) 50s cars, c) 50s outfits, d) 50s hairstyles and just walk blithely up to the first guy he sees asking if he's got any service. And this is why you should look up from your phone every once in a while. The guy, not having even a quarter to buy a clue with, looks at Duke like he's just propositioned him (which maybe he has?) and says it's not that kind of party. I'm just going to go out on a limb here and assume the guy thinks Duke means sexual services. Mostly because it's funny. Also because, although we can't see the guy's facial expression very well with his back to the camera, the awkward hesitation sounds like Duke's broken some kind of social propriety and sexuality is one of the few things I can think of that would apply as far as social propriety goes. Duke, of course, has no idea what is going on with any party or anything else and still hasn't heard the music yet, so either that's a soundtrack or he's really out of it. Oh Duke. (Take a drink!)

Our first glimpse of 1950s Haven! We have a number of cars with about the right shape and colors, one jeep which I'm guessing belongs to some of the military folk in there, the banner on the Shore Club does say Maine Veterans Summer Mixer. I'm not entirely sure about the style of the building, but lacking the architectural history chops to critique it I'm going to say it looks plausibly 50s and let it go at that. The boy has a scooter and the girl has a bike, the ladies are all suitably attired in modest dresses and the navy/army boys all have their cover on, which is a thing for me, okay? Duke is desperately hoping, despite the look on his face that says he knows better, that this is a vintage car club thing. Which doesn't explain why everyone's dressed and acting vintage, too, but it's okay to hope, Duke. The nameless guy rightfully complains that his car is a brand new Ford Fairlane, and it is, 1955 was the first year Ford put out the Fairlane, which replaced a previous brand I need not to go off on historical tangents, here. Ahem. Duke might not know about the changing models of Fords but he does know the Fairlane isn't manufactured anymore, so he has to do the Back to the Future thing and ask what year this is. His new buddy tells him it's 1955 and suggests it could be the year Duke starts sobering up. Duke, painfully sober already and by now probably thinking FUCKING HAVEN in a constant loop, smiles and laughs nervously and says it's probably the year he starts drinking. Heavily. Poor, poor Duke. Roll credits!

And now we're inside the Haven Shore Club, with Fats Domino playing from the band, military folk and pretty ladies all scattered around and mingling. The decor hasn't changed radically, for which I am deeply, deeply grateful to the set designers for not hammering us too hard in the forebrain with This Is Not Our Time. There isn't really much room for decor, anyway, in a bar where we can't see most of the tables and chairs for all the people wandering around. The uniforms and fashions on the people themselves do a good job of setting the time. Duke bellies up to the bar and responds to the bartender's query with "whatever's strong and cheap." I love you, Duke. I'm sorry for laughing at your headache, but I love you. The bartender thinks he could use it and I think the casting directors did a pretty amazing job here, too, because right when we see both of them in rapid succession we can be pretty sure that this is the promised Roy Crocker. Roy calls Duke Tonto because of the hair, which isn't entirely an inaccurate nickname for an era before long-haired men became more acceptable. It takes Duke a second to get it, though, because his current nicknames tend more along the lines of Jack Sparrow apparently. I fail to see, and apparently so does Duke, how 'Junior' is a worse nickname than Tonto, but maybe that's just us. Duke looks around in mid-drink just in time to see the Army and Navy boys going at it. Like they do. I'd say "like they did" but somehow I don't think the rivalry and fights have gotten any less so much as they've gotten better at confining it to less public venues. But that's irrelevant. The point is, we have an inter-branch rivalry here blown into a full-on inter-branch rumble, and Duke's just trying to stay out of the whole mess and get very drunk. He notes that a broken segment of what looks like it used to be a chair is going to be a problem, reminds himself that it's not his problem, almost right before the as-yet-unnamed Roy Crocker gets punched into it. Good save, Duke! Too bad no good deed goes unpunished for you, because right then is when the cops come in and since Duke had his hands on the bartender, he's getting arrested. We do get a glimpse of Roy trying to stop the cops from arresting him, presumably by telling them it's not Duke's fault, he wasn't involved, but that doesn't seem to work. I pause to admire that very nice Les Paul looking guitar the lead band member was playing and we cut to...

Duke in the police station bemoaning the fact that no matter where he goes, there he is. In the police station. And, oh look. It's a guy with a Guard tattoo. So much for that one guy saying he invented it way, way back in season one, because I'd be willing to bet that tattoo artist hasn't been born yet. But we already knew he was a lying liar who lied. Anyway, the police station also doesn't look too much different, some of the layout has changed and there's typewriters instead of computers and so on. Old-style rotary telephones, some box with wires coming out of it that appears to be an older tape-recording device. But mostly the same in terms of paint scheme and furniture. The cop sits down at the head of the table and calls Duke Kemo Sabe, which amuses me, questioning him about his lack of ID, his "counterfeit money" Now, for those of you who either don't remember or aren't based in the US, most of the US bills underwent a redesign in the early '00s, and even before that in the later-than-55 50s/60s. That's not taking into account all the smaller, less immediately noticeable security measure redesigns between. So Duke's money is "counterfeit" twice over, and I have a bit of a giggle and a facedesk. Then the cop pulls out Duke's iPhone, which we all knew he would, and which resembles absolutely nothing from the 50s. Even television or radio monitors, even telephones weren't that small. Duke's assessment of its use as a paperweight might even be overestimating the weight, but definitely not the utility. After busting his chops and making sure Duke knows how unwelcome he is, the cop advises him that it's his lucky day, Junior aka Roy Crocker (I'm pretty sure the only reason for the nickname is to delay the reveal that that's Roy Crocker) has vouched for him so he's not under charges, he's free to go, and he should really think about leaving town. Duke would like nothing more than to leave 1950s town and go back to 2010s town, but sadly he doesn't know how to do that. But he's going to start working on it!

Over to the Haven Herald offices, and I sharpen my teeth in preparation for biting the twins only to watch it morph into a comics shop? I have to assume that this is where we have a backhanded reference to such things as comics continuity and the inevitable timeline screw, because I cannot think of a major or even second- or third-tier comics company that has not had all its major lines fuck around with the timestream. Literally, cannot. Audrey is apparently so distracted with whatever she's thinking about (admittedly she has a lot on her mind right now) that she fails to notice the giant honking colorful signs right outside the Haven Herald Comics Shop. I'm trying to identify some of those comics characters but I'm assuming that for licensing purposes and because This Is Really Not Our World I can't. Nathan also notices her being distracted and, as he says Claire calls it, exhibiting avoidance behavior, when he jogs up to her with hot coffee in hand. We have a lovely bit of blocking here going on, where she turns to talk to Nathan and has her back to the Haven Herald Comics Shop so at first she doesn't see it as she's fiddling with her cup and trying to talk to him about the Colorado Kid. And it's not until she displays another avoidance trait, turning slightly to avoid Nathan's gaze, that she sees it. Nathan doesn't find anything odd about this, just wants to know what her new theory is, but Audrey wants to know what the fuck is this happy horseshit all over the Herald. Apparently Vince has been dead a long time, Dave killed him fifteen years ago, I feel my brains leak out my ears from the force of that explosion and there hasn't been a Haven Herald since. Audrey then proceeds to give the most hysterical come-to-Audrey speech ever, in which she describes how she knows something's wrong but Nathan doesn't. "There's a Haven thing," indeed. That is the best explanation ever and the Zuckergirls get all the cookies for that. It's also probably the shortest path to "trust me something is very wrong here" because given the history involved, the seriousness of her expression and voice and the fact that she's referencing Haven and her immunity should send Nathan into brutally logical mode. Every case they solve where his perceptions are fucked with helps, when Audrey invokes 'It's a Haven thing;'  the best analogy I can think of is it helps him close his eyes and block out the sounds and put a hand on her shoulder and follow her wherever she leads.

So, it's back to the police station. Only we have 50s cars outside of it so it's the police station Duke is in, as opposed to the one Nathan works at. Poor Duke is trying to negotiate with an older cop to find out where Stuart Mosley is, and the cop is just giving him blank/flat stares. More flat than blank, because it's not the kind of blank that has no idea what Duke is talking about, it's the kind of blank that doesn't like Duke and his funny looking face and thinks he's a troublemaker and is not inclined to help at all. Duke would dearly love to be out of their hair and back home in his when, but he needs to find Stuart Mosley for that, and Eric Balfour's delivery of, well, most of this episode is pretty fucking hilarious. But I'm particularly fond of him asking the cop to do a search with his... filing cabinet. The cop plops a phone directory in front of him that includes no Stuart Mosley or indeed no Mosley of any kind. No Vernon, either. Duke doesn't even try looking that one up, though, probably because he doesn't think he'll find her. The unpacked version of that is he's not likely to find her because she's only in Haven for a handful of months every 27 years, not long enough to really get into the phone directory. But I doubt Duke is thinking that complex, more likely he's just thinking that with his luck, Sarah isn't in there either.  He does, however, find the Worldwide Post Delivery offices, which gives him a brilliant idea. And yes, Word of God says a number of these devices are lovingly derived from Back to the Future.

Speaking of the future, let's go back to it! Audrey is trying to figure out what the fuck else has changed, and Nathan is trying to regain his balance. Nothing else seems too out of place, which is when she thinks about her and Nathan and what else might have happened. Which isn't a bad call, actually. A lot of the information she's found out about her past has been from the Herald and Vince and Dave, so with them not there it'd be up in the air what she supposedly knows, or knew in the timeline before she crashed into it. No knowledge from the Herald likely means no Duke finding out about the meteor storm and the accompanying disappearance, which likely means no Audrey pulling away from Nathan, which brings her around to her and Nathan. And while it's incredibly awkward for her to ask him if he still resents her or is upset with her for pushing him away like that, it seems to be easier for her to state that he's still with Jordan in that tone of voice that seeks confirmation. Which she does, and which she gets. Nathan confirms the relationship with Jordan in a voice that does not sound all that enthusiastic about anything, and hiding the lower half of his face behind his coffee cup. Oh Nathan. Audrey does her usual show of fake-effusive pleased-ness, insisting that's good, Nathan gives her the squint-eye of I-don't-believe-you-but-I'll-pretend-like-I-do. And for a distraction, Audrey starts fidgeting with the mail. Which includes a letter from the Worldwide Post Delivery! Yeah, I'd be confused too, that's a natty looking envelope and the mailing date is about, well, sixty years old. And it says 'to be held until X date' where X is the date they're on at the time, addressed to Audrey. Well, now they know why Haven's different! Back over to Stuart Mosley's house, it's a rather nice house from the front, too. Flag up and rippling. There's no answer at the front door, Audrey goes around back, Nathan goes rummaging around the front before picking up a photo and walking around to meet her. Like you do when you're at a strange non-suspect's house. On the other hand, maybe he's hoping to use it as leverage-ish to get the guy to use his Trouble for good? It wouldn't be the first time, in the main Haven or this one.

Audrey comes around and finds Mosley, who's still chatting about his tomatoes. Probably to himself at this point. She asks after Duke, and at first it seems like the guy's too out of it and/or focused on his tomatoes to remember that Duke came around earlier. The blocking and the monologue from Mosley is that close to what was going on earlier. But he does straighten and turn and says "The man from the past..." so we do know he knows what happened. He's just trying to forget it, like most people do with Haven's wackiness. And when he sees Audrey, unlike with Duke, he tells her she's almost her. Her meaning Sarah, of course, not that Audrey knows it, but she's almost Sarah, not quite. The difference is enough (or would be if she weren't already immune) to keep Mosley from popping her out of her time and back into the 50s, unlike poor Nathan, who comes up behind her. Mosley sees him, freaks out, off he goes! And Mosley tells Audrey that she has to go, that bad things happen when he gets upset like this. And I love the actor's delivery on that specific set of lines in particular, it makes it sound both ominous and helpless. I wonder, a little bit, if Mosley was calm enough upon seeing her that he didn't think he would pop her out of time, or if she didn't pop because she's immune and he took that as a sign that his control hadn't frayed that much, and was duly reassured. Sadly, we have to leave it as unanswered, leave Mosley and Audrey blinking at each other and go back to the 50s.

Duke comes back to the Shore Club to thank Roy for bailing him out, saying he thought he was going to be in there until the Beatles. That's only about five years, Duke! That's not that bad, is it? Roy inadvertently gives him the best straight line response ever with "The who?" and Duke obligingly picks it up with both amusement and resignation. "Them, too." That might take a little longer, that'd be about ten years. Now, Duke claims he's looking for an old friend (I'm guessing that would be Sarah because he's more familiar with at least Audrey, but it could also be Stuart Mosley.) and he's low on cash, so would Roy like this shiny real gold doubloon in exchange for whatever he's got in his wallet? Thereby utterly and completely destroying any provenance that coin has and sending me into a complete and total brainspin. Because if Duke got it from Simon, who got it from Roy, who got it from... Duke. Where the hell did it come from before that closed time circuit? And this is why I fucking hate time travel episodes, plots, and everything. Which is why of course I'm doing this one. You're welcome. Anyway, I un-Moebius my brain as Roy accepts the doubloon in exchange for the contents of his wallet, which may or may not be considerable. Duke checks how considerable for a bit when a voice behind him says he got his letter that said he'd be here. And we get a good old Western chord, in fucking Maine, and it's Nathan! Here he comes to save the day! Looking particularly Nathany, what with the up-front exasperation and the moderately-well-concealed concern. Oh you two. Just kiss and make up already.

A brief scene change later they're both sitting at a table and Nathan's giving the run-down of what needs to happen, all authoritative and shit. Duke, floundering about in the past as he has been, isn't challenging Nathan's dominance as much as he might normally. And normally Nathan isn't this blatantly dominant, either, which is a bit interesting, but I think this Trouble is getting to him since it's one of the more strong area effect Troubles. Comparable, for reference, to how he was behaving with Toomey's Trouble. So, Nathan sums up that they need to find Mosley and get their asses out of the past, but first they need to fix whatever it is Duke broke by coming back here. Duke protests that he kept a low profile, he knows the rules which, since he's at least something of a specfic genre buff, he probably does. Nathan does not know the rules. Duke rolls his eyes slightly and says the time-travel rules in a "well, duh" tone that has me tipped off my chair again, oh Duke. Only when Duke shakes his head it brings the bartender into his line of sight, which reminds him of that little incident where he might have accidentally saved this one guy's life. Which is about the way in which he tells it. Nathan is only slightly incredulous, I think. On the one hand, Duke saved a guy's life, that's kind of good, on the other hand that's the kind of thing that can seriously, directly, and obviously fuck up the timestream and should be avoided and therefore merits an expression of you did what? Followed by a snippy crankfit about how they could get back and it's a completely different Haven. Followed by Duke wrapping up a straight line in pretty paper and a bow and giving it to Nathan with a pretty please mock me face. Because really, what else is Nathan supposed to do with the alternate universe scenario that ends in Duke saying "... and I could be a total douche?" Nathan obliges with the best look ever and "Or it's a completely different Haven." Thank you, guys. Thank you Zuckgirls, thank you Eric Balfour, thank you thank you bless your heart Lucas Bryant. Kisses for everyone.

So they debate a bit about how Junior/Roy now has to die because those are the rules, and I continue to giggle over Duke and his Time Travel Rules as Roy/Junior comes up with a couple of refills for the boys. Nathan displays impressive smoothness as he comments on how Roy's a little old to be a Junior, possibly in the hopes that they get a name they can then try and connect to someone. Which they do! Just as Duke's drinking, for maximum hilarity. Roy Crocker. Duke, meet your grandpappy. Try not to choke on your drink. Nathan looks over at Duke and asks 'any relation' in the tone that knows the answer. Why yes. Yes he is. Let's ponder that over a commercial break.

When we come back Nathan is giving Duke a look of resigned disappointment to the tune of "you saved your grandfather's life," and again I am amused that only in a show like this one would we have someone sounding so tired and disappointed about another character saving someone's life. Duke protests that he didn't know, that Sarah was supposed to kill Roy today, and right here I would like to point out how this shows tremendous restraint on Duke's part. By now he knows that Sarah Vernon kills his grandfather, he knows that his grandfather is that rather nice bartender he saved, and he's not making a move or even indicating through voice or words that he means to go save his grandfather's life. Nathan points out that they don't know how Sarah was involved in his grandfather's death, along with not knowing that that injury would have killed him. I'll note, however, for the nitpick fans in the audience, that both of the methods Nathan chooses imply agency on Sarah's part rather than Sarah either simply being there when Roy dies or killing Roy by accident. And here's where Duke feels the weight of, this is my grandfather, my father's father, particularly since Roy seems like a genuinely nice guy. Double particularly since Roy is doing now what Duke's been doing for the last few months, bartending, possibly running/owning the place. Sadly, Duke doesn't have much of a sympathetic ear in Nathan, who contradicts Duke's idea that Roy seems so harmless by reminding him that Roy kills Troubled people just like Simon Crocker did. Thank you for that, Nathan. Although it is telling that Nathan says just like Duke's father did, and not just like Duke does, especially given that Nathan knows Duke's now killed two people to end their Troubles, one willingly and one more of an inadvertent suicide assist. Duke's getting a headache off of this and can't believe Nathan's telling him to kill his own grandfather. Nathan, I really hope you're not, because if Sarah's supposed to kill him that's not going to fix the timeline at all.

Of course now Duke realizes that if he kills his grandfather that might take away his own Trouble, and that gives him the headache I've been fighting off since the episode took a turn for the TARDIS. I feel you, Duke, I really do. Nathan explicates the kill your own grandfather to kill your Trouble for those of us who can't understand Duke when he's talking to the table, and Duke talks himself into getting his grandfather killed a little more. Or, well, killing him himself, to be blunt. And it's still not going to fix the timeline guys. Guys? Nathan is a lot nicer about the whole 'hey, go kill people, Duke' thing, by the way. For all his exasperation over Duke saving his grandfather's life and potentially fucking up the timestream earlier, his voice and expression are a lot more gentle when he asks if Duke's sure he can do this. More justification, and I'm pretty sure Nathan pats Duke's hand when he tells him he's going to go find Stuart Mosley. At the very least he's patting something, by the movements of his shoulders and the underlying sound. Nathan's grand plan is to use the Guard tattoo to get himself in with the Guard person Duke saw at the police station. As impromptu plans go, it's not a bad one. That tattoo looks a little more healed now, too, props to makeup, and both Nathan and Duke seem a little more comfortable with its existence.  

Back in the present day! We know it's the present day because Audrey's there. Or at least we think we do, right up until Claire starts talking and wanting to know if anyone's followed Audrey. Turns out that the Rev's alive, too! Because that's exactly what Haven needs. Audrey attempted to kill Reverend Driscoll and is now wanted because of shooting him, which was exactly what the Rev needed if you ask me. Which you didn't. But I thought I'd put it out there anyway. Audrey once again tries the "Look, it's a Haven thing" on Claire, which does not work nearly as well as it did on Nathan because Claire doesn't have the history with her that Nathan does. It's a good summation though, for the people just joining the show at that last commercial break. It's also a decent transition into more Haven weirdness because Claire sighs and puts this down to Audrey retreating from the "reality" of Nathan's death by constructing an alternate reality. Which from her perspective is an entirely valid diagnosis! From Audrey's, not so much, because this one in which Nathan has now died protecting her from the Rev's men is her alternate reality, and she'd like to get back to her original reality where Nathan is alive and Reverend Fucknuts is dead thank you very much. Unfortunately she can't do that here because Stuart Mosley isn't here, some family named the Boydens are. Claire pulls Audrey away and over to some other place of hiding.

And Nathan walks up to the police station! Looking fairly dapper, too. He's got a nice fedora and a nice jacket and a nice stroke of luck in that men's fashions change, for the most part, slower than women's. Certainly his clothes don't look too out of place. There's a boy playing in front of the police station with his toy cars, one of which Nathan hands back to him. Awww. There follows a cute little dialogue of the boy wanting to be a cop someday like Nathan, while I gape and A capslocks all over the place because yes, that's ickle Garland. Being incredibly cute saying "Officer Wuornos." Nathan, you're not helping here with the 'you'll be a real good cop' and someone put that kid away before we all expire from weaponized adorable.

Once inside we see Nathan leading the Guard guy from earlier outside, and Nathan, I dearly hope you figured out what that guy was in the police station for before you sprung him. I'm just saying. Because he reminds me a bit of an Excitable Boy and I really don't want one of those running around. Nathan does give us a chuckle with his comment about remembering to get the locks changed on those cell doors. Yeah, Nathan, if the locks haven't been changed in 60 years I think it's about time. He talks to the Guard guy about Stuart Mosley, who is apparently arriving on the 1.15 ferry that day. All right, then. Nathan will neither confirm nor deny how dangerous Mosley is, but he does caution the Guard member to stay away from Mosley, and they leave. Only to reveal that the cop talking to the man in the trenchcoat behind him has been listening in the whole time, a-ha! Duke's asshole cop, to boot. The cop goes into the phone booth and magically turns into SuperDouche, calling someone and telling him to meet SuperDouche at the wharf in one hour, they've got someone for him to take care of, they've been waiting for this guy. Okay, 1) Who's 'they' and 2) How did they know to be waiting for Mosley? In the category of burning questions we never get answers to. Not this episode, at least. A little Zuck told me we might be revisiting Sarah later.

To absolutely no one's surprise, we now cut to Roy at the bar. Looking aggrieved and sad and tired and other similar words, and scribbling something on a paper we see a second later is a birthday card with a puppy on it. To Simon, no doubt. He drops the doubloon into the envelope with some exasperation, more at his situation than anything, and seals it. And when I think about this later is when I have to go DAMN YOU, ZUCKGIRLS, because this is the moment when I start to feel bad for Simon Crocker instead of punching him in the face. If he doesn't grow up not knowing what happened to his Daddy and almost as alone as Duke was, he grows up indoctrinated by the people who currently have a grip on Roy Crocker, believing that the way of things is for him to use his Trouble to kill people and take away their Troubles. Which, while a sucky situation all around for those who are running themselves onto Crocker knives, is ten times more heinous for those who have no idea what's going on and are being murdered at the behest of other people pulling the Crockers' strings. Like that nasty cop. They never say outright, but it doesn't seem an unreasonable theory to infer from what's going on here that Simon was raised from a young age to be a weapon of mass deTroubling, as opposed to either Roy or Duke. Certainly the Crocker Trouble lends itself extremely well to a person being turned into a weapon. Duke's dismay oddly enough mirrors my own.

The cop briefs Roy in exactly what we expected if not the way we expected it, that a Troubled guy is coming in on the 1.15 ferry and Roy is to "take care of him." Here, have a gun. Don't worry, I'm a cop, you won't get into trouble, is I think the subtext on this. Which makes it even more insidious the way they're systematically having Roy go around murdering people in cold blood just to get rid of that Trouble. "What's his name?" Roy wants to know, and SuperDouche grumps back with "Why do you always gotta know their name?" indicating that he sees the Troubled as less than. Less than human, most likely. Can I hit him yet? But no, first SuperDouche has to expound upon Stuart Mosley, injured Korean War vet in a wheelchair, who Roy has to kill. This is too much for Roy, who turns and says he's out. Officer SuperDouche grabs him and tells him he can't be out, this is what his Daddy and his Daddy's Daddy did. And oh so many things I could get into here, at least a few of which it looks like Duke was thinking because he heard that. Things like what the hell kind of hold do these people have on the Crocker bloodline that it goes back that far and they know back that many generations, and that now we have confirmation of at least a couple generations further back than we did before (okay, we had semi-confirmation, but this is another bit of tangible proof on the pile), and, what kind of a person were great- and great-great grandpa Crocker? If they were killing the Troubled at the behest of SuperDouche and his crew. And, who are SuperDouche and his crew? And, damn, that's cold. Using a Troubled person to kill and eliminate other Troubled people and their Troubles from Haven? After you've blatantly stated that you don't believe these people are human like you. That's very cold. All of these things we can infer from the last 30 seconds or so worth of dialogue, so we know it's a good, tight episode. Duke doesn't give us a chance for much more, though, what with the clocking the cop upside the head before he shoots his grandpappy and telling Roy to get the hell out.

Enter Nathan, of course. Who wants to know if Duke did it. Well, no, he didn't,  but he will tell Nathan that Roy's supposed to murder Mosley. Followed up with a gleeful explanation that his grandpa didn't do it, that he doesn't want to kill Troubled people either, that he's a good guy. Aww, Duke. Like us, Duke is skipping pleased that being a sociopathic killing machine is not a part of the Crocker bloodline. Roy Crocker might be a good guy, but Nathan would like us all to remember that he's supposed to die today, and aren't there Time Travel Rules? Rules schmules, Duke's so optimistic he thinks he can save his Grandfather's life and make the timeline better! Duke, I love you, and as much as I think having his daddy around would be good for your daddy, I have to side with Nathan on this one. Messing around with the time-space continuum is just a bad, bad idea. Duke continues to insist that he can get his grandfather out of town, Roy will never have to meet Sarah, he promises it'll all be fine. Uh-huh. Meanwhile Mosley is coming down the plank and getting assisted into a wheelchair by a pretty young nurse with her back to the camera. Nathan draws Duke's attention to Mosley, so that they're both looking well at the two of them as the nurse turns around and reveals herself to be, hey, Sarah Vernon! Where's that jar with A's surprised face. And that is definitely a better wig.

The boys do a damn good job of restraining themselves from really sniping at each other, I have to say, despite the fair bit of stress and tension they're under right now. Nathan points out that even if they can keep Roy from killing Mosley, the Haven they go back to might not be the one they remember if Roy doesn't die on schedule. And while Nathan prepares to go after Mosley and Sarah, Duke reminds him (which apparently he did need even if it didn't work) that that is not Audrey, but Sarah. Poor Duke, his arms are folded and his posture is more sunken than usual, or maybe huddled is the right word. He doesn't like anything about this and he wants to go home. His posture is only a little more rakish than huddled when he pops up in his grandfather's doorway (as Roy's writing down that Stuart Mosley entry Duke read before he got popped back) and says he thinks the two of them should talk. One of the most terrifying phrases in the English language is "we need to talk." I'm just saying.

Over to the VA hospital! Which is a much nicer VA hospital than they have nowadays, I have to say. Nathan attempts to make contact with Stuart Mosley, but it doesn't work too well. Mosley hasn't come out of his fugue state by the time Sarah comes in and demands to know what the hell Nathan's doing, and we have a more major key variation on the Audrey and Nathan theme as Nathan gapes, yanks off his fedora, and gives the brightest and most boyishly joyful smile we've seen on him since his disastrous breakup with Audrey. It's almost painful to watch, because this isn't Audrey, but he's so damn glad to see her in this extremity that he can't help but react as though she were. And let me just say that Emily Rose acted the hell out of this scene, and everyone laughed when she grabbed Nathan by the ear and escorted him out. And down the steps. And threatened to throttle him. Oh Sarah, we've been threatening that for weeks and it hasn't worked. He's still staring. She's still pissed and demands to know why. Sadly, Nathan is still a lovesick and now ecstatically happy puppy and all he manages to get out is that she's incredible. Which flatters her enough that she wants to know who he is and maybe flirt with him a little. While he tones down the glowing and the smiling some as he admits he has some explaining to do, she flutters her lashes and tries not to smile back. It's still painful to watch. Adorable, and painful.

Duke is still trying to sell Roy on the idea of leaving Haven, and apparently SuperDouche's name is Hank. I prefer SuperDouche. Yes, Crocker, we are painfully aware that your family has lived in Haven for generations. Incredibly painfully aware. Roy talks about sending his wife and son every penny he earns so they can live in Derry, which causes A and me to capslock some more about how Derry is of course SO much safer than Haven (King fans will know that you can't live in Derry, that's Evil country), and Duke points out that that doesn't make them much safer. He suggests Disneyland and offers foolproof investment advice while I attempt to smash my desk into kindling with my face. Because once you've started dicking around with the past of course investing early in Apple and Microsoft and all those other companies will pay off! Not to mention that's still not going to help you get back to your Haven. In fact, it'll ensure it. Still, it convinces Roy, who agrees and sends Duke into a little happy dance. That quickly turns into a potty emergency dance. Which is a convenient device to get Duke off somewhere leaving all of his stuff on the bar oh Duke, seriously? Remember those time travel rules which clearly state in Section III, paragraph 5, subsection ii, never leave your future shit where  people can get it? Duke does not remember this. Duke runs off to the restroom while Roy goes around behind the bar rehearsing what he's going to say to his wife and namedropping Simon in case there are one or two of us out there who don't yet know this is Duke's father's father. It's kind of cute. Roy moves Duke's jacket off of the phone to pick it up and call his wife who, I will note, never gets named along with Garland's lady, Simon's ... well, Duke's mother, or a lot of other significant women in Haven. And in shifting Duke's coat he uncovers a leatherbound journal. That looks suspiciously like his own leatherbound journal. Not just suspiciously, right down to some of the wear patterns. And, oh, look, the contents, too. Well, Duke comes back babbling about microchips and the Sox and gets promptly blackjacked by a now deeply suspicious Roy. Which is what happens when you break the Time Travel Rules. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Establishing shot of a beach, followed by Nathan and Sarah on a beach! Sarah is proudly telling Nathan about her time in the war zone that by now we are all Haven-savvy enough to know never actually happened. Oh AudSarlu. Nathan feels around the edges of what she knows by mentioning how she handles "situations" and "helps people," which is as good a turn of phrase as any for it. But no, she hasn't been here that long, she previously (thinks she) worked with the vets in DC. Most likely at Walter Reed, but possibly at one of the other nearby hospitals stop looking at me like that. She came to make Stuart comfortable, and her supervisor says she's good with the strange ones. And some of us know who that supervisor is Howard you bastard and why he says that, but Nathan just tells her that that's good, Haven's a strange place. But she doesn't need to be afraid of what she can't explain. Yes, good advice anywhere, but specifically for Haven. Which she'll figure out eventually. Meanwhile she's getting awfully close to Nathan, who is having palpitations at being able to feel someone's touch again. Distracting palpitations, judging by the way she's whacking him upside the head with the flirting bat. Unfortunately Nathan is a) a gentleman and b) well versed in the Time Travel Rules Duke spoke of. Fortunately, he's also contact starved. And Audrey starved. Both, though I don't think they're necessarily the same thing going both by the history of the developing relationship between Nathan and Audrey (many moments there which did not involve tactile contact) and going by his reaction when he lost his Trouble for a bit (touching every single damn thing he could rationally touch). Sadly, um. That's not Audrey, Nathan. That's not Audrey that's not Audrey oh why do we bother.

Poor Duke isn't having anything nearly as interested as kissing happening to him right now. Roy's got him tied up with a rag stuffed in his mouth, ew, tastes like sweat and cotton. He's found the journal, found the future entries, and found his own obituary dated for that day which has to be one of the most unnerving experiences that can ever happen to you. I'd say the most unnerving, but this is Haven. There's always a worse thing. So, Roy knows about the Troubles and he wants Duke to start talking right the hell now. And Duke, I think he can guess that you're from the future. Because of having knowledge of the future and all. Suddenly I'm deeply glad Sarah didn't get ahold of that book and see what was in there about her and Lucy. But what Roy clearly didn't count on is Duke first claiming to be a Crocker and then proving it by describing their Trouble. I'm guessing, by his startlement, that that isn't even so much as an open secret in Haven, at least the Haven of that when. Which is also interesting. Duke insists once again that they can change their fate, and I feel like reminding him that every time he says that he ends up being wrong. Seriously, every time he says that out loud, Haven turns around and smacks him and says "the hell you can." It's bad as saying "piece of cake" in the Labyrinth or "I'll be right back" in a horror movie. Sadly, for Roy Crocker this means killing Sarah so she can't kill him rather than getting out of town, and he stuffs the rag back in Duke's mouth and books it. Nathan comes to rescue Duke the Damsel after the commercial break. These boys are doing an awful lot of rescuing each other lately. I cautiously approve. Nathan assumes Roy thinks he's nuts but, no, it's worse than that, and if Roy kills Sarah, etc.

Hey, speaking of that etc, here comes Audrey and Claire! And apparently Claire's been in contact with Jordan, to Audrey's surprise. I'd be a little surprised too, except we already knew they had a therapist-patient relationship outside of what we see in Haven, and that doesn't seem like it would have been affected by the current changes to the timestream. So, sure, why not. The Guard is also there, smuggling people out of Haven rather than into, now. That doesn't much comfort me as to the intentions of the Guard, but it's clearly meant to indicate more of the bona fides of this group. They get the Troubled to where it's safe. And at this point Claire gives an abbreviated but similar speech to Nathan's usual line, which is that although she's half thinking Audrey's delusional or thinks she should say so, Audrey is still Audrey and she "sees things the rest of us don't." Awww. Claire's taking them to a man who can help.

And Sarah is pushing Stuart Mosley in the chair and explaining to him about ladyslipper orchids. For those of you in the cheap seats, this is a screaming continuity tag. Back in 1x03 Harmony a mental patient told Audrey that she reminded him of another woman from 27 years ago named Lucy who liked Gerber daisies, snapdragons, and orchids. She tells him about the orchids sleeping until they bloomed long after everyone thought they had become extinct, and uses that as an analogy for his missing platoon (which he probably popped into the future) who appeared a year later not knowing that any time had passed. And then turns Nathan's line back around on him about not being afraid of things you can't explain. Which, again, very good advice for Haven. Because Haven is full of that kind of thing.

In the present we have a tearful reunion between Audrey and Garland Wuornos, and yes, I might have had some onion slivers on my desk for this scene. Audrey's happy theme kicks in (Audrey's her-and-Nathan theme? One of Audrey's themes) and Claire explains that he insisted on helping when he found out she was in trouble and evidently some things haven't changed in this timeline, because he's as fond of her now as he was then. And like Nathan, he's absolutely willing to take her word for it that this is a result of something screwy going on. Audrey tells him that Nathan's fixing it in the past, for which it sounds like the Chief is quietly proud, and he says that a son should outlive his father. Yes, Audrey, you were in fact that transparent with the staring and the hugging and the clinging. Cute. But transparent. Besides, you have a distraction coming up in the form of several armed men pointing guns at you, yay! Oh, wait, no, that other thing.

Speaking of armed people pointing guns at AudSarLu. Here's Nathan come up while she's getting her patient back into the room, Nathan, you couldn't have waited two minutes? In the doorway, even? No, apparently not, because he's pulling her aside while she's pushing Mosley through the doorway. He tells her that someone's coming after her to kill her, that she needs to go, that she's not safe, and somehow when he's telling her all of this and that she needs to trust him he manages both to make it into a deep compliment and to look like he's trying not to smile because giddy in love the whole time. Lucas Bryant, I salute you. And then I go look for a cluebat for Nathan's face. He gives her his gun, which is another cluebatting offense, and tells her to go, run, and don't stop running until she hears a man named Roy (it sounds like Rory in Lucas Bryant's mouth) Crocker is dead. As for Stuart Mosley, well, Nathan will guard him. Which is also a neat way of getting Nathan and eventually Duke in proximity to Mosley. Another gem we get from this is when Nathan tells her to go down to the basement, she'll meet a man named Duke, he has long hair but she can trust him. Of all the reasons, he has long hair, but she can trust him. Nathan, I love you, you odd lanky goofball. Come here so I can smack some sense into you. So Sarah goes, but not before one last dramatic kiss in case she never sees him again, etc. Oh, Nathan knows she'll see him again. Except that's not Audrey, Nathan. Again we smash our desks into kindling with our faces.

Sarah sneaks down into the basement. Duke sneaks around in the basement. A wild Roy Crocker appears! Roy Crocker uses brandish firearm. It's super-effective! She sounds utterly calm (though her blink rate would beg to differ) as she says "Oh, you must be Roy" and raises her gun to point it back at him. Fade out for commercials because this is a good tense moment for it, fade in and Roy half apologizes to her in a tone that is not at all sorry. Self-preservation, though, is accurate. Apparently Sarah was in the women's army corps, which is a decent enough place to pull a background from, for a woman who has to be both in a position of authority in Haven and not so much of an authority that it looks odd for the time. As a nurse from the women's army corps, presumably equivalent to the MOS of a corpsman or something like, she gets to be both bossy and a figure of shelter or help. Ahem. Moving back from the plot geeking to the actual plot, we have a standoff between the two armed people and Duke desperately trying to talk them both down. Oh Duke. This is going to end with one of them dead, and he's most likely not sure whether to hope it's the right one and he can go back to Haven or hope that neither of them die and the timeline fixes itself. One is significantly more likely than the other. Well, and Roy will put the gun down if she will, and she agrees that she will if he will, and for a moment it must look to Duke like things are going to maybe work out. Those of us who are familiar with stable time loops know better, sadly, and are not in the least surprised when Roy goes for the knife at his back. Very blatantly too, I might add, which leads to Sarah shooting him in self-defense. She looks surprised and horrified at having shot him, too, which is what led me to believe she wasn't in any of the more combat-oriented WAC positions. Her job is to save lives, not take them.

And then Roy says something that makes me question his reasons for reaching for that knife, as he of course smears his bloody hand on Duke's wrist. Fortunately, their Trouble requires Duke to deliver the death wound, as we learned from Simon in Sins of the Fathers and had confirmed in Magic Hour. Else that could get real awkward and recursive real fast, and we've had enough recursion for one episode. And while Duke's staring down at his dying grandpa with silver eyes Roy tells him that we (presumably meaning the Crockers) can't escape our fate, it's in our blood. Subtle, you guys. Real subtle. Especially with the blood disappearing and the silver eyes and they have really been hammering on no escaping the Crocker fate hard this season. Which is going to make it all the more epic when Duke doesn't become the latest in a long line of Trouble-killers, right, guys? I suspect right, at least, things seem to be heading towards this being the turn that breaks the cycle.

And they're back up by Mosley's room, and Duke still can't quite believe what just happened. But clearly, this is the way it was always supposed to have happened, right? Duke just looks tired and worn, though, there's nothing Nathan can really say to that, and he doesn't try. They're still stuck there, Duke goes out to get some air, no doubt feeling like he's stuck no matter where or when he is. Oh Duke honey. Nathan's expression even agrees with me on the oh Duke honey. Duke goes out and Sarah comes out extremely upset that she killed a man. And in fact she does say that she helps people not kills them, thank you for the obligatory line. But Nathan at this point has been acting too much like he knew it was going to happen, so she turns to him for answers. And Nathan, because all of this has happened before and all of it will happen again, and because he sees far too much of Audrey in her for anyone but his comfort, tells her. About the Troubled, or about as much as he can cram into a couple minutes if that. It's probably the most straightforward anyone's been with AudSarLu in all three incarnations, though, at least until Audrey started demanding answers. And he explains to her that he's from the future, and he needs her help to get back.

So it's back to Mosley's room, and while Sarah tries to figure out how she's supposed to help someone who's Troubled (sadly, Nathan can't give her a very satisfying answer by telling her she does it on instinct) they both try to figure out how to get Mosley to send Nathan and Duke back to the future. Yes, I finally said it. Between the two of them, as Nathan does with Audrey, they manage to figure out that old!Mosley sent Nathan and Duke back to 1955 because he remembered the two of them from 1955, thereby creating another stable and self-contained time loop and another headache for me. Extrapolating from that, Mosley likely sent his platoon to the future, to a better future, and therefore they need to convince him that the future isn't torn up by war and death and bombs and gunfire, which is where his mind still is. Ah-hah! Nathan has a picture, so helpfully thieved from the man's front porch, conveniently featuring old!Mosley and all his family and all of them looking healthy and happy. Because back then, there was no Photoshop. And apparently no one had ever heard of the Cottingley Fairies. I digress again, so back to Nathan and Sarah and Sarah at least seems to think it might work, because now she's all sad again about saying goodbye to Nathan. He, at least, is aware enough to tell her that he belongs somewhere else, and not tell her that he belongs with her future self Audrey. Which is good because that'd be a whole other sticky explanation. Sarah actually pouts, too, and says she doesn't want to do it alone, and while I think part of it is flirtation part of it is probably also bravado covering fear connected to the realization that the world is a lot less fixed and determined than she thought it was, and somehow she's been a big part of it without knowing. Audrey's had a few of those realizations and we've seen her go through them. Some of them, even with Duke!

Who is now leaning in the doorway as he tells her she doesn't have to do it alone. She can go to the Haven Herald, talk to Vince and Dave. They can help, as long as she doesn't take any of their crap. Which she won't, because she's AudSarLu, and an AudSarLu by any other name would still kick your ass if you gave her crap. Another stable time loop slips into place and A and I do a little dance of we were fucking right. Because we had a number of different theories, some of which made it into this very blog, about how AudSarLu is often to always at the center of some kind of love triangle or trinity. Audrey has Duke and Nathan, Lucy had James and someone else, we're not sure who, but possibly Garland? And Sarah had Vince and Dave. It's not incontrivertible proof but we will take it. Duke smiles a little and agrees to Sarah's badassery as we cut back to the notHaven of the current future. You know, the one with Claire, Garland, and Audrey all with guns pointed at their heads.

Only this time they're on their knees with guns pointed at their heads. Because sure, why not. Audrey would love to tell them it's one of her delusions but, um, not really. And while her immunity keeps her from direct Trouble attack it won't prevent her from dying from a bullet that was put on that trajectory by a more distant Trouble. She tries to bargain for Claire and Garland's life, even going so far as to stand and confront the gunman, who gives the usual spiel about cleaning up Haven. I dearly, dearly would like to know what the fuck happened to the United States that this paramilitary force can run around in 2010/2011 killing as many people as it sounds like they're killing, even in a small town in Maine, and not raise the suspicions of the FBI or the DHS. Dearly would. Cut back to the past, where Sarah screws her courage to the sticking place and shows Stuart Mosley the picture of his own future. The bonus side effect of her gently nudging him to imagine himself in a life without pain or trauma haunting him is he gets to take a big step forward in the PTSD treatment! Actually the bonus effect as far as he's concerned is probably the two strange people popping out of his hospital room. And back where they belong. We have one last scene in the notHaven of the future with the guy pulling the trigger on the revolver pointed at Audrey. At this point, though, it's more of a yeah like you would really do it than anything, and most of the suspense is robbed from that cut to commercial. The gun goes off, the bullet flies in slow motion, the bullet is sucked back, and everyone pops back to where they were. Sadly not in a position for reunion hugs because as Mosley hears or senses someone behind him and starts to turn, Nathan and Duke book it for the front of the house at Audrey's urging. Because yes. Please. Let's not go through that again. Once again, Mosley recognizes Audrey as being like Sarah but not actually Sarah, and this time she just makes up an awkward excuse for being there. But he does seem to have a smile for Sarah's memory.

Meeting up around the corner, everyone is relieved that everything is back to normal but Duke is still dealing with what happened. Still with that tired, hopeless look that makes me want to give him all the hugs. Eric Balfour, stop breaking my heart. Duke's slowly having the notion of fighting his fate beaten out of him, as he mutters about trying to make things better, and Audrey tries to reassure him that everything turned out for the best so clearly he did the right thing. Well, Duke told Sarah to kill his own grandfather, and he doesn't feel that's the right thing at all. So he'll just head on home to his boat now, leaving Nathan and Audrey to talk about Sarah. Which of course Audrey wants to know all about. Nathan mumbles something about first case, and Audrey focuses on that and asks him if she was married or had a family. No, Audrey, she didn't. Nathan gives her the rundown on Sarah and when Audrey starts asking the really blatant specific questions, starts getting that funny look. She tells him that the Colorado Kid is her son, and whatever is going on in Nathan's head he clearly doesn't know how to vocalize it. That is the exact expression of head explodie and brains leaking out of his ears. We don't actually get to hear whatever pieces just slotted into place, though. Currently the two main theories are that his mind is trying to wrap itself around the concept of Sarah having a child (most likely with Vince or Dave, how's that for blasphemy) or he's just realized he's fathered the Colorado Kid. I know which one the screaming fangirls will pick, but sadly there's no conclusive evidence one way or another.

And because we're not already suffering enough headaches from the time travel episode, here's Sarah on the pay phone to her commanding officer Agent Howard what the fuck are you doing here why the fuck haven't you aged come here so I can bite the answers out of you with my teeth. I have no analysis for this because there are approximately infinite theories as to what the fuck is going on with Howard and why the fuck he hasn't aged. So you get my immediate reaction of snarly data-hungry rage. For the record, too, her line of: "I like it here. It's hard to explain but I, I think that I could do a lot of good in Haven." is a strong echo for Garland's "I think you could really make a difference here." in 1x02 Butterfly. Not to mention the pilot episode's line of throwing things at Howard, "Maybe she can help you with your Troubles." There's a repeating moment of revelation here. Hopefully this will eventually lead us into a revelation about Howard, because the season finale is coming up and I am all out of bubblegum.

Next week on Haven: NOTHING. BECAUSE IT IS NOT AIRING. But come back in two weeks when we resume with episode 3x10 Burned! The return of the Bolt Gun Killer! Stay tuned!