Previously on Haven: we are still in deep admiration of whoever's doing these previouslies. As much as we think they could use the extra minute or so of screen time to cram in more of the story, because of how serialized we've gone this season, we also have to admit that the summaries are necessary for people who are either not as fannish as we are or are coming to the show for the first time. This time, we have a fair chunk of the Nathan-and-Audrey love story, though with heavy emphasis on Nathan's side of things - he is, after all, the one who remembers right now. Maybe not forever, we've seen plenty of shots of AudSarLuLex in more Audrey-like clothes, but that could also be because those are the clothes left in Audrey's apartment which fit Lexie. Yes, we're here to bring you all of the worst possible interpretations. And yet you love us anyway for some reason. We also confirmed that the bar/n is, yes, That Darn Barn, and AudSarLuLex is somehow protecting herself by imagining the bar aspect. William? We don't know yet. Isn't it great? But she has to get out because it's still dying, so way-hey for the Dark Tower references this ep. You can expect a lot of swearing and a lot of DT in-universe slang to crop up. Hey, be grateful we don't write the whole recaplysis in Franglais, with A off to the De Temps Antan concert last night. Or turn all our swearing into Québécois patois.
This week on Haven, the swearing starts early and often. Because we're opening with the Troubled case, a mother and daughter reciting prayers at night. Hey, it's a less creepy form of the I Pray The Lord rhyme! I still remember the one that goes "and if I die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take," but I'll accept the WAY less disturbing words they use here. Except for the fact that small children and rhymes are never a good thing ever in any series with horror tendencies, so, still cringing. On the gripping hand, this is the first time since maybe the Rev that we've had any depiction of Christianity in Haven, and it's a positive one. Shock! Amaze. We are reliably informed that one Nick Parker recorded that laugh track for the creepy fucking child douen and oh my fucking god, so disturbed now. I mean, I assume there's been a trace of reverb added, but I will continue to give that man so much side-eye. Is there anyone on this production staff who doesn't disturb us on a regular basis? (No. No there is not.) We would like to know who Bella is. Because we hope it's not that one. Are we that out of touch with Sesame Street? Maybe. Or someone saw Beauty and the Beast recently, or something. But it's not either of Harper's usual imaginary friends, it's a third one! A new one. Oh goodie. We know where this is going the second Harper's mother walks out the door again, and it's probably down to either writer preference or the fact that we've got a lot to get into a single episode that it's not three iterations of creepy-laugh-track-not-Nick-Parker-kid that we only get two repetitions of the laugh before Harper climbs out of bed and declares that they're playing a game. Ooh, I know this game! It's the one called Let's Get Kidnapped And/Or Dead, right? Yaaaay. No, wait, the other thing. Oh, and this episode is the first ep we've had from new blood in the Haven writers' room in a long time, one fantastically named Speed Weed who's most recently done NCIS: LA and appears to have teethed as a story editor on New Amsterdam. Dammit. Now we miss that show again, which is also about being displaced in time and dealing with a lot of very weird shit as a result. Sort of like Highlander, if you take away The Game and focus on the characterization aspects. Yes, Murderboarding recommends all eight episodes of it.
Next day dawns bright and cheerful over Haven! Deceptively so. The music says. So does poor Harper's mother's shriek, and we cut straight from the exterior of the house that is, notably, all buttoned up tight, at least what we can see of it, and into the cops arriving. Hello, the cops! Dwight and Nathan, by their attitudes, have done a preliminary outside sweep, checking for footprints and general intruder signs, and found a whole lotta nuffink. They're also leaping to conclusions early and often, not that we can blame them lately. No, Harper's mom is convinced someone took her and will now proceed to jab Dwight in his soft underbelly. Remember Lizzie, the daughter he lost to the Guard and his family's Trouble? Yeah, that's finally come around again. We've been waiting for that all season, and it's oddly reassuring that they remembered now. Also Adam Copeland continues to step it the fuck up with his acting skills. That man's learning curve is kind of staggering, and this is us saying that. We want to see whatever he does when he's got all the lessons from Haven under his belt (pun intended) and starts branching out. Anyway. Dwight starts out with hands shoved in his pockets, probably trying to conceal emotions, but takes them out when he admits that yes, he knows some things about little girls, however much he's tried to forget, and no, four year olds don't generally have the gross or the fine motor control to assemble an escape structure that carefully. Especially the fine control, with the plastic spatula as a screwdriver that Nathan discovers, and hey, nobody gives a shit about the Masquerade anymore! No, there's no Troubles in their family, she's sure of it. This Will Be Important Later, though only as a sideways thing. On this one I have to agree with Nathan, they need Audrey back now. Not just because she has Trouble immunity and can talk anyone down from them, but because she has some unique skills with kids and kid-related Troubles (and they're currently assuming Troubled four-year-old because why not have a worst case scenario in mind!) that come from her Madonna-messiah status in Haven. Insert your GOT jokes here, folks.
Cutting over to the Mother Of Us All who still doesn't know what she is but would like some fucking answers out of William. So say we all, Lexie, to badly mix our genre shows. Emily Rose has the most hilarious emphasis on barn that we've heard in awhile, bonus points for having seen the gag reel recently in which she was having difficulty enunciating the n. Lexie still has very Lexie-ish body language and speech patterns, getting steadily drunk on that bottle of tequila that hasn't vanished either. (K: Well, I wouldn't be ready to let go of the booze.) William revisits the whole, the barn is dying and it'll take you with it if you don't get out lecture he delivered in part at the end of last episode. He's also getting steadily less toothy and more desperate, concerned, and it seems likely that that's as much real concern for getting AudSarLuLex out of there in time as it is a desire to do his job. Lexie has the well and fuck you very much attitude toward this, the last time she walked out she walked right back in again. Honey, I know you're distressed, but the last time you walked out you thought you were going home and William was proving a point about where you are. This time you just need a little more focus on getting out and a little less on snarking off at William. Not that we can blame her. William needs punched in his smug face. Also, bridge between two worlds? THE FUCK IS THE OTHER WORLD THEN. You'll have to pardon us for starting the Dark Tower quoting early and often, but what, "go then, there are other worlds than these"? Is the lighthouse a reflection of a certain other Tower? The fuck is going on all your fucking murderboards give to Zim. We will not get answers or even something that vaguely looks like answers right now, though we will note that that gives us some hope that maybe James is alive on the other side of this bridge somewhere? Maybe? Very vague hope, but hope nonetheless! William apparently can neither tell her where the door to get out is (fair, she has to decide to disbelieve the illusion and believe what William's saying) nor can he tell her who he is and why he didn't disappear with everyone else. Which is a not-very-tacit way of saying that Lexie totally tried to wish him out of existence, too. You go, girl. Wish that shark-toothed bastard out of your hair. Personally, we want to know all the geasa on William. All of them. Since most of them seem to surround the information he can and can't dispense, and that's genuine regret and even a hint of anger that he can't tell her these things. He may be using the anger at her stubbornness to indicate that he's angry at whoever placed these restrictions on him (did you do it to yourself, William? that would not surprise us even a little bit), one of those using real feelings to hide the true target, but it's definitely coming across that he's angry about not being allowed to tell her things. Okay, then! Lexie would like to see the truth, and when she says that it's got a good deal of Audrey intonation and expression to it. William does not, to his credit, put on hypnosis voice as much as he could, I'm sure Colin Ferguson is capable of a more singsongy cadence, he just gives instructions and waits for Lexie to decide to follow them. Some pushing, admittedly, but not a ton, and now he looks hopeful and eager, even. Goddammit William you are so totally a Crocker, aren't you. Or the other side of the triangle. Why look! It's an imploding bar/n! Yeah, I'd be freaking out too, Lexie would like to know what happens if she fails. Well, she'll cease to exist! Which is a polite way of saying you're dead, except I don't think that's an accidental turn of phrase. I think there's something more supernatural about the way in which she'd cease to exist that we don't quite have enough data to tease out yet. Lexie's expression says the "well, fuck" for everyone, and oh! Look! Jennifer can hear more things more regularly these days. This should get real interesting real fast.
Roll credits! All the usual suspects, no one that makes us sit up and go "AUGH THAT GUY AGAIN?" Which we're kind of expecting sooner or later, given that this season seems to be the season of Let's Bring Shit Back To Bite Everyone In The Ass. Not our usual flyover when we come back from credits but a flyover of the green woods, somewhat awkward phrasing chosen on purpose because there is seriously something fey or fae about Haven. On the second pass Nathan, Duke, and Jennifer are standing in the middle of a clearing and Nathan is saying how much he hates this place. We know, sweetie. We hate everything about the barn, too. And do we need to point out how once again we've got a trio of two men and a woman at the place that seems to be the linchpin of all things Troubley in Haven? Can we take it as given that this is Hinky and A Pattern? Good. I'll just leave this lampshade over here then. Duke will promptly pick it up and jam it on Nathan's head to illuminate him (pull the chain it lights up!) because really, Nathan? You're doubting that Audrey could still be in the time-traveling, time dilation barn of memory-erasing wackiness? Seriously? You didn't used to be this stupid. I will admit, though, Nathan's consistent and stubborn idiocy coupled with his greater willingness to talk and at higher volume than he used to is a great way of showing how upset and broken he is by what happened, rather than telling us every episode. (Which they will do anyway, but I will give the writers credit for that one, it's inevitably in the course of bonding with the Troubled person to talk them down from destroying the area/their loved ones/the entire town of Haven.) And while we're flinging around lampshades, let us now point out that the Crocker is once again the odd one out; everyone else including Lexie is in a black leather jacket over darker clothing. Interestingly, Nathan combines Lexie and William's sartorial tastes with the blue button-down shirt. You're welcome. Try not to be too disturbed. Anyway, the general thrust of their walking around this field is that it's where they last saw the barn, and Duke is hoping that being here will strengthen Jennifer's connection. Which we still would like an explanation for, dammit. Nathan's turn to break out the hard truths, which is that if the barn spat Duke out in Boston Audrey could very well be anywhere. In-universe, anywhere in the world, though we're constrained in the meta by where the film crew can go. Or convincingly greenscreen.
And this is where Duke makes his fatal mistake, i.e. telling Nathan anything about Audrey in Peril. To be fair, until a very short time ago (in Duke's experience) Nathan was a relatively stable guy even when Audrey was in trouble, see also the Bolt Gun kidnapping. As far as Nathan's concerned, though, he's had six months to destabilize and develop bad habits, which he will now demonstrate by immediately going to Jennifer and haranguing her about listening to the barn now, right now, right now, and getting some useful information. Nathan, honey, if that worked we would have all of Haven's secrets by now. Stoppit. Duke having taken over the title of The Best for this episode if not the entire season, first will proceed to call Nathan on his shit and then reassure Jennifer while Nathan takes that phone call. There's definitely a softness and, what are we calling that, pride? Affection? to his face as he talks to Jennifer. He appreciates her willingness to help them and is increasingly coming to appreciate her courage in the face of all of Haven's wacky. The shipping could be more obvious here, but not by much. There's also some strong parallels here, what with the pride, affection, and male-guide female-questor with UST thing, going on between Duke-Jennifer and William-Lexie, which is not an accident. In case you were wondering. As within, so without and all that. Back over to Nathan, we have the case of the week exacerbating with a second missing kid. Well, shit. Nathan proceeds to fuss himself into a tailspin for about two lines of dialogue, over the fact that he's got missing kids to find and Audrey to find and WHARRGBLE. Fortunately he has Duke around to smack sense into him, not quite literally but that is an awful lot of blunt he's beating Nathan with. Nathan is useless at helping Jennifer find the barn and the people within, and they have no other earthly leads, pun intended. However, he is very good at doing police work and finding missing kids. It's both incredibly blunt and also a tacit reminder to Nathan that he's not alone, that he's in this together with Duke and he doesn't have to do it all by himself. Which, frankly, Nathan could use a few of those perching on his shoulder and dope-slapping him upside the head periodically. All right, then.
Over to the Cape Rouge, where Duke is instructing Jennifer in the noble art of yoga. We're at least suspicious of this entire scene if not the cameraperson, because there's a conspicuous amount of fanservice, most of it centered around Duke's ass. Seriously, it's right there in the camera. Yes, we're focusing, Duke, but some of us aren't focusing on our heavy breathing breath. Jennifer seems to both be hopeful about this exercise and playfully rejecting its usefulness? In the sense that, as she mimics him, there's both a tone of "this is so not going to work and I'm going to prove it to you by playing along," as well as a tone of hopeful relaxing. The hope is what we're clinging to here. While Duke clings to her legs and she clings to his leg in the hopes of not falling on her head. Emma Lahana is one athletic actress, that's all I can say about this pose. That and Eric Balfour is tall. So. Let's try some meditation now, yes? Yes. The rapport between them, Jennifer's dubiousness aside, should help her relax at least as much as the exercises he's putting her through. And this scene makes a nice callback to Duke's Buddhism and all forms of religious exercises less typically Western in mode of belief from early on, as well as being a fairly subtle (if you're not on Twitter) bit of advertising for Eric Balfour's new line of athletic/yoga clothes. Yes, we noticed, though there's no brand labeling going on, a fact for which we are unutterably grateful.
Back at the police station Dwight is smelling a Trouble (can that be a Trouble? detecting emotions or circumstances through scent? Please oh please?), though damned if they can figure out whose because there doesn't seem to at first be any connection between the two, except the school, which offers a multitude of suspects. This will also cue a brief digression that gives us a whole new side of Dwight's character, since apparently this was also his daughter Lizzie's preschool. And he has fond memories of not fitting in the little desks at parent teacher nights. Oh Dwight. Even Nathan can't object to this digression, the mental image is adorable and hilarious and Dwight so clearly loved being a father (and have we mentioned Jesus Christ Adam Copeland? Because Jesus Christ Adam Copeland). It even gets Nathan to smile and think about something other than the case or Audrey, albeit only for fifteen seconds. He tells Dwight he's making a good chief, though, which is important. Both as a moment of bonding in the observational sense and as a nail in the coffin of Nathan as Chief, and also a moment of support from one friend to another in what he's doing, in a role Dwight might not be so comfortable assuming. We haven't seen too many signs that he's not comfortable with the authority, which he might well be given his history, but there's also the aspect that Dwight up to this point has been the cleaner, a very shadowy and unofficial role, and since we haven't gotten to see Dwight off duty at all this season we don't know how well he's settling into that aspect. And finally for this few seconds of dialogue, let us take a moment to examine how they're clothing and lighting these characters. Nathan is tall, lean, shot in the shadows, dressed in dark color and black leather. Dwight, for all that he necessarily has on the dark bulletproof vest (and how much do I appreciate everyone for remembering to stick that on him every episode or explaining when they don't, despite the fact that it's bulky and makes it awkward to move? very much indeed) (A: Though we still want some reference to how he got to keep it off most of last season), he's wearing light clothes, he's shot in the light, with the sun angled on his face. I'm not saying there's a good/evil comparison to be made here, but there's definitely a comparison they're drawing. So. Nathan starts to go over to the preschool and see what's to be seen there when Dwight gets an email with the surveillance footage from the store the second kid was taken from, meaning they might have a suspect! Or at least it's worth sticking around for five minutes to see. (Apropos of nothing, most of those emails seem to be standard police email except for one whose subject line is simply "tonight" and which is flagged as either unread or important. Is that related to night shift police work or does our favorite Sasquatch have a romantic entanglement? Inquiring minds!) At any rate, they watch the security footage, complete with creepyass laugh thank you Nick Parker, and Nathan catches a glimpse of the person opening the door to let the entranced kid in. Thank you, Nathan, for highlighting the entrancement, though we already half figured mental coercion based on the sophistication of the escape mechanisms of the four year olds. Dwight has a magic zoom-and-enhance button! I want a magic zoom-and-enhance button so we can see into these blurry writer's room pictures people keep posting. Dwight's magic zoom-and-enhance button gives us a picture of the creepiest fucking kid to show up on Haven since the Glendower boys. Kitty described these kids on Twitter as little vampire Beatles, which is frighteningly accurate. I want to call this one George. Dwight and Nathan have the same "the fuck is you" reaction as we do! Dwight, entertainingly, has this rather worried father expression, too. Nathan just wants to know the fuck is this.
Let's leave them to their freaky vampire Beatle children and go back over to the Cape Rouge, where Duke is giving meditation lessons. And where was the signup sheet for those again, and why did it not get passed my way? Duke lotuses himself neatly, while Jennifer displays some rather remarkable lack of flexibility (which is a lie. I've seen that actress's imdb record.) until he tells her to sit however's comfortable. Which is true, comfort is a big thing on meditation, or at least I've always been taught that. He also hands her a bowl and tells her to empty her mind. Like the bowl. Which is adorable and also a sign that he's really not used to teaching this, because while the notion is true the execution is typical Duke delivery and not in a very good teaching voice or sense of grace. Exhibit A, she's still mimicking him for lack of any other direction, and trying to do a port-de-bras with a big metal bowl in your hands is... weird. And awkward. Which is why she drops the bowl, but, ah-hah! Lexie hears that! So, it works in the Doylist sense, and in the Watsonian sense of inadvertent success. So now that Lexie's hearing that we're back to her, her bar/n, and William the creepy. How he knows that someone's looking for her and that this is the form it takes are questions we do not get the answers to right now, because William and his geasa hate us and want us to suffer in ignorance. Also because the writers love torturing us. Out of love. Really. Why would people be looking for her? Oh Lexie. Not only is William accurate about her being more important than she knows (right now) he's quietly proud of her, I think, for being the sort of person who inspires this kind of love and loyalty as well as for being damn good at what she does and therefore necessary. Which in its own way implies that he knows exactly what it is she does for Haven, which is not the easiest thing in the world to explain. Answers, William. Cough them up before I bite them out of you with someone else's pointy teeth.
Like Vince's! Hi Vince! he and Dave have been called up to the principal's office, I mean Dwight's office, to discuss Audrey and the barn and what Jennifer heard. Dwight explains about the barn and the door, and if we didn't know that Dave at the very least was being unhelpful about holding back information from the first reaction to Dwight's words, we know it from the close up on his face and the shocked glance downwards! Murderboarding appreciates the clear and concise work of the camerafolk in pointing out who's having a Significant Reaction. Dwight didn't bring them here for the barn and the search for Audrey, though, he wants them to look through the archives for anything to do with the creepy boy and his creepy pointy teeth. Which archives? The newspaper archives? Some secret archives having to do with them being old Haven founding family line? Secret archive of Troubles? What? Specify your terms, dammit, or we will pull you down to our level to smack you with fish. Dave wants to know what's wrong with his teeth. Vince has this very Leader of the Guard look, so I want to know what's wrong with Vince. Or both of them. Most likely, though, this is a result of the Troubles being more active in Haven than ever and any additional significance regarding the case of the week, at least in this moment, is projecting frustration. He's still very Leader of the Guard, Keeper of the Zoo, though. And Dwight is off to a place called The Brambles, because the children were seen heading that way and as the police chief he needs to take the lead of the search party.
At the search party, which is not really like a party at all, Nathan is giving instructions to everyone. Reasonable instructions, in a clear and police-like voice, reinforcing Duke's assertion that solving cases and getting people organized and safe is what Nathan is good at. Being a cop. He gives everyone their final marching orders and we can presume they've gotten their location or directional assignments before we picked up with this scene, and people start walking off. One woman approaches Nathan, the principal of the preschool the kids went to. And since this is the only person not related to the victims in the case who we see, can we assume that this is the Troubled person? We can! Let's go ahead and assume that and thank the rules of procedurals for making it this simple. Except when it isn't, because Nathan pulls her aside and asks her if any of her families have kids older than preschool age, say, around ten years old. In other words, the age of the kid with the fangs in the photo. This gives us two theories of the case, one being that it's her Trouble for a reason we haven't yet understood but likely related to her being a principal at a preschool, the other being that if we don't see her again, she was here only to give us that information/list of older children and we do have a Troubled ten year old on our hands. It does also serve to highlight Nathan's growing attachment to the people of Haven as a whole and as individuals, much like Audrey did in her time in Haven as opposed to the far more detached and cold way Garland approached his duties, though in a far more broken manner. Speaking of which, now that Nathan has two minutes to himself with everyone starting the patterned search, it's time to call Duke and bug him about Jennifer hearing the barn again! Nathan. Honey. You're not helping. Duke's strained cheer should tell you you're not helping, or it would if Nathan was paying attention as much as he used to. Duke's current method of getting Jennifer to hear the bar/n is apparently hanging her upside down from the railing of his boat? Personally, I'd stick with the guided meditation. Jennifer looks and sounds like she'd rather stick with the guided meditation too, or as she says, her sinuses are going to explode. Poor honey. Duke tells her she's doing great! No one believes you, Duke. But it does buy him some time to walk away, lower his voice, and ream Nathan out for even thinking about coming over there and distracting Jennifer. Nathan's "your plan isn't working" is childish and petty, so, he's still desperate, but since Nathan doesn't seem to get it and for those in the audience who may not have picked up on it yet, Duke will spell out the plan for him! Basically the plan is to keep Jennifer distracted and get her to relax, although the second part isn't as spelled out, so she isn't thinking about the pressure and choking up under it. Nathan's "smart" comment both has shades of the old Nathan in it and a distinct and physically expressed sense of sheepishness or shame that he didn't think of that or see where Duke was headed. Because you're emoting rather than thinking, Nathan. Deep breaths. You could use some yoga, too. Duke could probably use some more patience rather than hanging up on Nathan after an oblique I told you so, but I understand why he's running short on it by now. And Nathan turns around to get back to the search and finds, AUGH! Jordan! Stop fucking following him around like a puppy! Or a hunting dog, which is the more accurate analogy. Either way, stop with the following. Jordan would like to know the fuck is Nathan bothering with police work when Audrey is still in the barn. We all share Nathan's derision as he points out that there are missing fucking children, Jordan, stop with the monofocusing. Jordan dismisses the missing children problem as being a problem for the Guard. Which shows how much she does or has ever trusted law enforcement in Haven, even with Dwight at the helm. Although that also raises an interesting point, does she trust Dwight at the helm of the police? Is she saying this in the sense of the Guard and the police are organizing the search, and it's only that Nathan should be monofocusing with her? Or is this an expression of a lack of faith in Dwight now that he's gone over to the police side? Who knows! Not us, right now. We have this moment, but we also have the moment in the premiere and in Bad Blood where Jordan still seemed to have positive feelings towards Dwight, so it's difficult to say. At any rate. Nathan comes back with seventeen, and we all breathe a sigh of relief that he didn't say nineteen. Say thankya, Speed Weed.
Seventeen is the current death toll this season of Troubles. All right? We have at least one in Fallout, six in Survivors, four in Bad Blood, which leaves six unaccounted for? Note that we're only counting deaths as a direct result of the Troubles, Conrad's death of a heart attack and Mike's wife's death of cancer don't count because they would have died whether or not this was a fucked up magically cursed town. And given the potential mortality rate in a six month period in Haven, that's actually not that bad. Consider that in the first six months (or so) while Audrey was here, 50+ people died as a result of the Troubles, and that's only counting the ones who didn't get better and those who were while Audrey was in Haven, as opposed to on the Rev's note of Citizens Killed by the Afflicted or from previous times. It also excludes the people Arla Cogan killed that we can't conclusively prove happened while Audrey was in Haven as opposed to in the barn. Season three had a terrifyingly high body count, around 25, 26, depending on how you're counting. Anyway, the upshot is, we're doing pretty well even after the meteor storm, which might be the six unaccounted for deaths and if only six people died in that meteor storm? You got off really damn lucky. But Nathan is still focusing on seventeen people dead that didn't have to be, because of the Troubles, and the two kids makes nineteen and I have to go beat someone with the collected Dark Tower books now. And that's nineteen deaths that Nathan is constantly thinking about because they are his fault. So Jordan had better not question his dedication to finding Audrey and fixing this, etc, and indeed Jordan does look sad and maybe not chastened, per se? But accepting Nathan's argument without rebuttal. Dwight brings a welcome interruption/change of subject; they found footprints, presumably of the children. Off to rescue them, though it's interesting that Jordan gives the nod to go even though neither of them look to her for it. Two footprints are the kids', though the one we see must be Kent's because it's clearly a shod child and Harper was barefoot from having been in bed. And four sets of creepyass clawed footprints about the size of a ten year old child but, again, claws. Four distinct sets, indicating four separate Troubled ten year olds, with freaking claws. The unsettling-ness of this is only slightly mitigated by the fact that those footprints look like they were made by Wild Things, as in Where The Wild Things Are. Let's not have a Wild Rumpus in Haven, though. 'tis a silly place.
Back at the police station Vince is waiting in Dwight's office with that information while Dave has apparently fucked off for something else. Vince is only mildly perturbed, his level of crank is only about at "Brotherly Bickering," but he is curious to know where his brother has been. Apparently Dave has been in the Room, and this is why we don't livetweet Haven, folks, because after this line we both were reduced to a level of coherence approximately at "THE FUCK? WHAT? DAVE! THE FUCK IS THAT?! THE ROOM? THE FUCK IS THAT?" Not very scintillating Twitter conversation. The capital R on Room is very audible, though. He's been in the Room, he's been doing some reading, and whatever book he's been reading from Vince doesn't want it out in the police station. The fuck is this, you guys? The fuck is you? Dave is bothered by the door that Audrey's supposed to come out of. According to Vince, everything bothers Dave, loud music, starchy collars, Mrs. Perlmutter's dog. (Which I'd swear is a reference to something, but damned if I know what.) Throughout this whole conversation the only sense we get that Vince is thinking of Things We Do Not Yet Know About AudSarLuLex And That Darn Barn is the brief moment where he's telling Dave to put the damn book away, while Dave has an expression of growing alarm. The same expression, I hate to say it, that we get here when we start building theories. It's that expression of putting pieces together and coming up with things that look like strong possibilities and also bad shit going down. Whatever Dave's putting together, though, we don't get to hear it, Nathan's come in. The Brambles search is turning up nothing, sadly, so whatever they've got Nathan will take, and fast. Vince will now proceed to be us as well, with a slightly rambly exposition about folk or fairy tales relating to the current case. I mean, we don't do that at all. Ahem. Apparently the claws are specific to an Afro-Caribbean (a quick search leads me to Wiki's article which cites Trinidad and Tobago specifically) folklore, and they have an enchanting laugh and clawed feet. The wiki article cites an enchanting whooping call and backwards feet, which I now do recall is a staple of at least one legend about creepy children, but sure, for purposes of Haven, why not. Especially since this is a show about Troubles, not a show about folk legends come to life. Dave thinks this will all turn out fine, everyone has their children locked up tight. I'm with Vince, who points out the lampshade that reads "What the Troubles want, the Troubles get." And right now the Troubles apparently want four year old children. No one is happy about this. And, hey, just so that we know this is true, let's have a third scene (drink!) of a kid getting enchanted by the douen's laugh, setting up a dummy with his stuffed animals, and wandering off. The fact that he uses a stuffed tiger as the centerpiece of the dummy is only making me think of Calvin and Hobbes. It's like all the old comics and cartoons and illustrations come to life in the creepiest fucking way possible. I have so much side-eye for the writers over this you have no idea. Back to Vince, Dave, and Nathan, it turns out the douens are particularly good at misleading search parties. I'm pretty sure that's true for faery of all kind, all around the world. We'll end that scene on the dire pronouncement of how the children could be anywhere, yes, thank you, Dave. Being anywhere, in this case, turns out to be in the general direction of a sun-dappled forest covered with moss, just in case we needed more fey and fae imagery in this episode.
Over to the latest crime? scene, we'll go with calling it a crime scene because the kids are being stolen and the cops are the ones dealing with it, but as we know on Haven, crimes that appear premeditated often aren't. Valerie is horribly upset and, yes, blames herself for the fact that her son's missing, like all parents would. Sweetie, Dwight's right. Without knowing what they're up against right now, they couldn't give the parents anything to go on other than don't let your kids roam around freely, though frankly by the fact that both children disappeared out of locked/closed rooms they probably should've told the parents more strongly don't let them out of your sight. I don't want to know what a douen's laugh does to a parent who's not the target of its hypnotism, though, so it's probably for the best that that didn't happen. Besides: still not her fault, though the way Dwight says it makes me think he knows it's pro forma and nothing he says will make Valerie feel any better until she gets her kid back. If she gets her kid back. We do not put child deaths beyond the realm of possibility on this show, frankly, though it would be somewhat surprising even so, they've taken some pains not to kill children on camera. Nathan explains the douens to Dwight, which at a guess he's been doing in bits and pieces as they have privacy, and the unfortunate upshot here is: they got nothing. A really big pile of nothing. An annoying pile of nothing. We sympathize, boys. We want some data to go with all our theories. Worse, this breaks the pattern of the preschool connection, so not only do they have miles and miles of wilderness to search, their prior connection is fucked as far as finding the Troubled person. Back to the drawing board! Pun intended, Dwight throws out a couple possibilities clearly based around his own fatherly experience and hey, Nathan's the one who's observant this time around! Because after all, Dwight had time to bond with and have feelings for his child, so he's more emotionally compromised on this case than Nathan is. For a change, at least this season, which is actually very good for Nathan, I think. It reminds him that other people can rely on him, that he has abilities beyond dying at Audrey's hand, and no, it's not dealing with the fact that he needs so much therapy but it's a good stick for Duke and/or Dwight to beat him with later on. No, it's not the art teacher, Valerie's the art teacher! But his Aunt Carmen (well deciphered there, Nathan, and a nice throughline on his ability to handle kids) is the principal of the preschool, and Ben loves to give his art to people he loves, that makes sense. We knew she was going to be important later, we just didn't know how. Valerie's her sister! Okay then. That even gives us a good point of reference to go on for family lines, just in case.
Time to see how Duke and Jennifer are getting along, which can be summed up as oh god the adorable so cute what's gonna go wrong for them. Please let it be nothing for awhile. Duke could use some relatively uncomplicated happy in his life. So could Nathan, but we've pretty much given up on that for the next little while. Take what we can get, which is the happy soon-to-be-couple? at least if the writers keep it moving in this direction, which they seem to be, playing quarters and pretending to be samurai. Oh you guys. You are the cutest. She's relaxed and smiling and joking, Duke is even pretty relaxed although he's got some of that underlying anxiety about hoping this works still. They work well together, no matter that they're on a time crunch. Speaking of a time crunch! Jennifer can hear inside the bar/n now, which means we get to stick our heads back inside and swear at William some more. William. What do you know about Jennifer's Trouble? Because the way he just casually tosses out oh it's someone who has a connection to the barn, it's one of your friends leaves us wanting all the answers. Again. Still. Okay, so, she's got a door and they've got a door, the connecting motel rooms analogy is actually a really good one only instead of a couple inches of wall you've got a whole otherworldly border to cross. Enjoy that one, Lexie. William is getting more intense, maybe not more desperate but letting more of it show now. He still seems proud of the fact that she always has friends, but also a little bit jealous. William. You are so a Crocker, aren't you. You are at minimum one of the original men in this love triangle, all that jealousy and possessiveness that's mostly hidden. Lexie continues to give him dubious face, but, okay, in supernatural terms that does make sense even if you're the most genre-oblivious person around. (Which Lexie doesn't seem to be, come to that, she doesn't try going out and back into the bar/n more than once, and she doesn't let up on the fact that hinky shit is going on, plus she keeps hammering William to tell him what he knows. A woman after our own hearts.) Duke, now is not the time to say words to Jennifer, now is the time to shut up and let her listen while she's got the frequency tuned in. Though it's a credit to both her growing confidence in her Trouble and their ease with each other that she's willing to tell him to shut the fuck up so she can listen. Hey, there's some reverb there! Interestingly, William can hear what Jennifer says from inside the barn, which implies that it's the barn creating this effect and not Lexie. Not much of a surprise, but nice to have the confirmation. Lexie would like to give him more dubious face over hearing a door, but he does have a point, this is far from the strangest thing he's asked her to do. There is, in fact, a sound! Much like a foghorn, as Jennifer says, or like, I don't know, the fucking thinnies in fucking Dark Tower augh. Look, we're just going to keep doing this from here on out, if you haven't read Dark Tower so you know why doors in the middle of nowhere freak us right the fuck out I recommend going and reading Drawing of the Three. If you want to know all about our constant gunslinger and Flagg references, just… just start at the beginning. I promise it'll be worth it. But not being acquainted with the fact that she's a character in a Stephen King-based world (for which we can all be thankful that that form of meta hasn't arisen yet, though frankly if it does I'm pointing at Jennifer and William right the fuck now as the most likely existing candidates for that role), Jennifer just hears the thinny as a foghorn. Duke doesn't notice that he didn't hear it at first, because he's so focused on Jennifer and he's a sailor, foghorns are part of life on the water. He'd have to learn to sleep through the fuckers, after all. She explains what she just heard, tries to concentrate, hey, it's the foghorn again! And now the penny starts to fall.
We'll have to wait for it to drop until after Nathan and Dwight engage in a little B&E. Mostly Nathan. Carmen left the Brambles an hour ago, meaning she's been on her own for an hour, meaning she's either not at home or indisposed. Either way, Nathan does not have patience for this warrant bullshit, and Dwight's expression of "well, that was expedient but I'm supposed to be a cop now and also I did have lockpicks you moron" is priceless. Okay, the last bit is us editorializing, but you know Dwight has lockpicks in his cleaner's kit and knows how to use them. It's also a nice callback to the role reversal where now Dwight is the cop, as we discussed earlier with Jordan's reaction to him and Nathan's praise of his Chiefness, and Nathan is the, um. Detective, not cleaner, but you get the picture. They search the house, sort of, by which we mean they get derailed in the living room by the metric fuckton of baby gear, presents, clothes, rattles, but Dwight being the one who actually parented a small child notices the absolute lack of anything indicating there's a baby here. No diaper pail, no food splatter. (K: No diaper smell, because that shit lingers, pun intended.) No toys left out, no laundry in haphazard states of half-folded because you're exhausted from the baby, just a lot of stuffed animals and a crib and things. Including a stuffed tiger, we will note and twitch over. So, no, there is no actual baby and Dwight's quiet snort about positive thinking suggests he's had some less than laudatory experiences with, who knows, maybe his father told him that if he just didn't believe in his Trouble he'd be safe. Yeah right. Dwight's a realist, first and foremost, but he also has a great deal of sympathy for these people who so badly want a baby and can't have one. Including a file of IVF records (from Haven's Hope, the same fertility clinic featured in The Farmer 3x03, oh good production staff, yay!), which Dwight hands off to Nathan as Carmen's husband comes running up to the house. Dwight takes point on handling the distraught husband who also can't find his wife, oh goodie. And not only that but he can't believe Carmen's Troubled! Nathan's face is mostly under control but seems to be doing the I-know-something-and-I'm-keeping-my-mouth-shut dance, something about the oh-fuck look on top of the sympathetic way he's looking at Bert Brook. (By the way, aren't you proud of the way we've avoiding over the river and through the woods jokes so far? You should be.) Dwight asks the hard but necessary question of if there's been a new stressor in their lives, though he frames it as being on Carmen. Presumably because not only does the woman generally blame herself for an inability to get pregnant, it's often the woman instigating the lengths to which a couple will go, at least publicly. Men Don't Talk About That Kind Of Thing. Bert snaps about being used to the failed IVF treatments, but no, Valerie the sister just told them that she's got an accidental pregnancy and lord, honey, that sucks so hard. For everyone. I mean, even if Valerie wanted another kid, the implication seems to be that maybe she wanted to time it herself. Dwight has to look away over the trigger of a Trouble, probably because he's trying not to revisit the last time a family/child-related Trouble harmed a child in his proximity. Poor honey. Nathan is a much better liar, out and out claiming that Carmen's Trouble is hurting the children and these three kids, who are her favorites, are the ones that are missing. Husband dearest will have none of this shit, if he even knows how the Troubles work he seems keen on the idea that she'd be trying to save them somehow, not taking them away from their families. Sure, dude. You go right on believing that.
We'll go over to a rose-tinted clearing in the woods! Like we said, this episode gets all the fucking fae imagery. Carmen's eyes are BLACK OH GOD AUGH, which is a clear sign of possession, and she, the kids, and the douens are ring-around-the-rosy-ing. Which is not a goddamn fucking Black Death reference can we just put that out there? I will hire Seanan McGuire to beat you with her folklore learnings. I'm just saying. (K: I will beat you with my history learnings, the Black Death predates that rhyme, although by association it has now become one of those fucking scary rhymes. If you want a genuine fucking scary rhyme, go for Oranges and Lemons.) Everyone is laughing and happy and wants nothing but to be with Carmen forever and ever, right? Uh, no. Harper's fallen down and isn't getting up again, though she's still breathing, and then the rosy light fades and her lips are tinted blue. That's. Bad. I'm gonna with that's bad for the sake of keeping the swearing to a minimum. And the spell fades for a moment, Carmen realizes the kids are freezing cold and has a moment of clarity about having to get them home, but the douens crowd around her and laugh and we all know what's coming, yes? Yes. In the blink of an eye, very nicely done both on acting and on CGI timing, she goes from normal dark eyes to creepy black eyes again, but we can still see that Harper's lips are faintly blue even through the rose filter. Back to ring around the rosy, where indeed, if this shit doesn't get fixed soon, they will all fall down. Before we had one douen per person under the spell, and thus the ring was douen-normal person-douen; now we have a couple of douens holding hands. Fucking vampiric Beatles.
Dwight and Nathan are still trying to beat sense into husband dearest that yes, this is a child's footprints, yes, those are claws, yes, this is supernatural and doesn't play by the rules you think it should. Moron. He's still frantic about how she would never hurt a child and she was built to be a mother and dude, you sound kind of disturbed right now. Troubled, I might even say. Also just generally creepy and not like you love your wife for herself but for her ability to bear children, which, ew. Nathan backs down enough to lie with the truth some more, or what he suspects is the truth, which is that the douens are building Carmen a family. Why yes! Yes they are. We just won't address whose control they're under. (Seriously, A started in with "it's his Trouble not hers" pretty much the moment he showed up on screen, and either we've been analyzing this show way too long or this was one of the easier ones to call. Or both. Probably mostly the former, let's be honest.) Anyway, yes, there's a clearing in Chatham Woods where he proposed to her that he thinks Carmen would be very happy, and it's in the wilderness. It's the closest thing to a lead they've got right now! Let's go chasing off after it. Dwight would like to call shenanigans on Nathan's hunches and theory-switching, but they so don't have time to get into the fine details of what Nathan's keeping from his ostensible boss. He will also take this opportunity of a few spare seconds to check in with Duke! Though with marginally less pouting and sulking than he had before, he's just so goddamn target-fixed that, I don't know, maybe he's hoping they have as much luck as he does right now. Save the kids, save the Audrey, save the world? Sure, we'll go with that, even if it's a somewhat charitable interpretation of Nathan right now. Jennifer is thrilled to pieces that she's been able to get more information! So thrilled she's not using common sense or watching her mouth, which Duke will call her on, gently but firmly. No, let's not tell the obsessed man who wants to die that his True Love is going to die if they can't find this door. They're doing fine! Everything's fine here! Nathan doesn't have any longer to talk than that since he's heading out to find the kids, but presumably that was cheering, inasmuch as anything about their search for Audrey is cheering. Hey, those are sirens through the phone! That's such a lovely visual representation of the penny dropping for Duke that I kind of want to frame it or something. Because he has this expression of I am such a moron. Not that much of one, honey, you got there in plenty of time and none of you are used to these weird supernatural door things. See again how genre-savvy only extends to non-King references, because otherwise we'd be doing the meta I Am A Character You Are My Creator Fucking Fix It thing, and nobody wants to know how that would play out. (Though I'm suddenly seized by a perverse desire to see Duke and Nathan confronting Sam and Jim. I'm just saying. Or the Teagues doing the same. They'd be scarier. Ahem.) Anyway. Yes, Duke, the foghorn is coming through the barn, you are in fact a fucking genius, and after a second of explaining Jennifer gets it, too! Well, how do you find a foghorn that may or may not exist in the world Duke and Jennifer are in? You pull up the charts! Where can one hear a foghorn at, along Haven's coastline?
Right now one can find a foghorn coming through the fucking bar/n again, where Lexie has a weirded-out but less confused look on this time. William can hear it too! William would like to give her some more of these fucking cryptic instructions that do nothing for us. Remember what. I don't think that was a reference just to remembering where the foghorn's coming from, I have to assume there's something more at play here, but Lexie's focused on her primary goal right now, which is getting the fuck out of the bar/n before it falls to pieces and takes her with it. Okay! We have a location, and I'd say that was quick except we know the bar/n was built for AudSaLuLex (for? by? if not by her then by whom? which bloodline do we get to blame, and did anyone else have a hand in its design? so many questions! no answers!) and is tied more to her than to anyone else. Said location is sort of around the corner, in that little room that looks like it might have been a semi-private drinking and eating party area before the bar illusion faded, and right now holds a number of Old West paraphernalia, though the ones I'm noticing most are the wagon wheel, the two saddles, and the two Western-style hats/fedoras. Which frankly look like hats we've seen Vince and Dave wear, and is not helping the whole love triangle visual representation writ small thing. Lexie and William shove things out of the way, oh hi it's a calendar let me facepalm some more about how The World Has Moved On and look for William's gunslinger guns just in case, and hey presto! When she touches the wall, it becomes a door. A door that looks remarkably from this side like one of the smaller side doors in the barn from last season. William, stop being proud/astonished/toothy all at once, that's fucking creepy. And stop leaning in like you're delivering the best secret in the world when you tell her to open it. Augh. Fucking creepy fucker. But she does open it, with a look of wonder that's all Lexie and some of Audrey's steel nerves underneath that, and it creaks. A creak that Jennifer can hear! Yay! Sort of yay, because Duke has his charts and they are so not ready, as he points out. Helpful, Duke. Go back to your charts. Lexie will start staring at the fucking weirdass border zone (dare we say dead zone? will Sam and Jim offer to strangle us for making that pun? how many times was it made in the writers' room? if you're not hearing us muttering about 'there is a hole in your mind' right now you still haven't watched B5, have you. ahem.) and freaking the fuck out. Yeah, if I were confronted with green-and-blue glowy shit that looked like it might be solid or it might be clouds, I'd be pretty freaked out too.
Speaking of freaky, we no longer have the rosy filter on the rosy ring, not so much at all. Instead it's even darker (possibly to indicate passage of time, but it has the effect of sombering up the scene too) and definitely foggier and yes, they're at the clearing Bert has mentioned. Dwight, predictably, goes straight for the little girl on the ground to try and help her, oh honey. And gets sliced up by one of the douen for his pains, though we may be grateful they seem to have less than the intelligence of a ten year old, too, and don't go for the arteries. They're there to protect the "family" they've created for Carmen, not to kill unless it gets any more desperate. Please don't disembowel Nathan. He'd just scoop up his innards and keep going, and nobody wants that shit. Pun intended. Okay, okay, Dwight's the tactician, going after the kids isn't working, so now they need a new plan. That plan, as usual, will be to talk down the Troubled person! Note how the camera focuses on Nathan and Brook, not Carmen? Yeah. In case we were in any doubt.
We'll go back to the bar/n for a bit while Lexie freaks out at William. I'd freak out at William too, even knowing that there's really no preparing someone for "aaand there's a big glowy thing of nebulous solidity that you have to cross to get to the other side." I can understand his reasons even while thinking he needs punched, you see! And he's gone mostly all back to the light and charming and please just listen to me I have faith in you attitude. That is still incredibly disturbing. I'm disturbed. Lexie's disturbed by the glowing barrier between the worlds that she's being told she has to cross. William has to haul out the oldest cliche in the book as regards what you do with a weird physical or mental barrier that one is dubious about getting through/past/over, and I kind of wonder if her twitch isn't as much for the "fucking really you're using that line" as for the "fucking really you expect me to go where and do what now?" No, honey, nobody blames you for being scared. At all. All the options here kinda suck a lot, and more than she has any way of knowing right now.
Speaking of things that suck, Nathan has confirmation and now he has to disillusion Bert about who's doing what here. No, the Trouble hasn't made Carmen crazy, though we know some that have done that. Not usually to the extent that the afflicted person is completely unaware of their actions, though. Even Beattie knew about Helena, though she couldn't control her, and yes, we bring that up deliberately to highlight the parallels here. Wanting children you can't have with such desperation tends to lead bad places on Haven; to be fair, wanting anything with the kind of desperation that triggers Troubles leads bad places. (Hey, Nathan. Hey. Is this doing anything for you?) Children and parents in general are a massive theme on this show, though, and without stealing too much of the essay outline that we may or may not get around to writing at any point, it boils down to: women as mothers tend to be a good thing, whether biological or foster, though we have a couple instances of that growing twisted and diseased as a result of a mother's monofocus. They're often separated from their children, almost always by the Troubles, and dead mothers can trigger Troubles either in their children or their spouses. There are also a lot of single dads on this show, and their role tends to emphasize control or lack thereof rather than a nurturing role. Not necessarily as an indication of poor parenting on the part of the father, but rather as a result of the the fathers dealing less well than the mothers with stresses of being a parent in Haven. Either an inability to control their Troubles and thus bringing themselves/their children to harm, or trying to teach their children to control their Troubles and failing miserably. The upshot is that families in Haven tend to be torn apart by the Troubles, often resulting in a dead mother and a single father, but also resulting in mothers being separated from their children, which at this point given the Audrey-Lucy-Sarah-James aspect we're guessing is reflective of the originating incident. At any rate, massive digression over, Nathan points out that the douens didn't attack him, he's therefore the one causing this. Dwight leaps on this with all the speed of someone who catches on quick to what Nathan's really been up to, probably had his suspicions even before now, and no, dude, your wife? Under a spell. Looks about the same as the poor kids. This is not her fault. Arguably Bert doesn't want his wife to be under some sort of coercive spell but the part where she's dancing around a clearing with a bunch of kids? Totally what he wanted. And we all know far, far too well that the Troubles don't answer to the specifics of people's wants, they go for primal, visceral desires. Bert wanted to be a father, so the douen appeared and worked to make that happen.
There are some interesting and complicated dynamics and commentary going here with what everyone says next, so let's go back to our initial assumptions and work from there, because trust me, it's easier. Initially we assumed, and thought it was confirmed when Dwight and Nathan found the lack of baby and the IVF papers, that this was Carmen who wanted the children. In the last episode where there was supernatural motherhood shit going on directly related to the process of motherhood (Beattie Mitchell) and not the supernatural mother (Sarah and a handful of others) it was because a woman wanted children. Not to mention, there's a long history of fiction, especially visual fiction, that deals with the terrible things a woman will do to become a mother. Partly because it's true, just look at some horrifying articles in the news, but also because we as a society (largely American) are so fixed on the idea that a woman must have or want a family in order to feel whole that this becomes a point of her character, secretly she wants children and will do anything to have them. So it's somewhat of a pleasant surprise and a relief when it turns out that the person who wants the happy family with children is the father, and it's his Trouble instead of hers. But this raises another disturbing point about the potential message here, that he's compelling her to live out his fantasy of being a mother with many happy children. Ah-hah! Another twist! Neither Nathan nor Dwight contests Bert's assertion that she's the one who can't let go of the dream of having children, and although we have very little evidence one way or another on this, we can take it as at least close to the truth both because we've seen they're pretty perceptive when it comes to personal matters which aren't their own, and more practically because there's little time left in the episode. So now it becomes not that she's causing it because she can't let go of the dream of having children, and not that Bert is compelling her towards that end, but because Bert can't accept the fact that he's the sterile one, and it's not her infertility preventing them. Which gives him a twofold hit, once in disappointing his wife and not being the husband that perhaps she wants, and twice in the idea of manhood being so tied in with virility and fathering a child of his blood. Arguably this shouldn't be so much of a thing in the modern world, when our idea of family is becoming rapidly redefined and broadened thanks partly to a social evolution and partly to an increase in communication leading to a broader diversity of experience. But in Haven, blood counts for quite a bit, both good and bad, which we've seen repeatedly in the Troubles. So. The writers have done an amazing job at subverting our expectations in a very short time without pulling shit out of nowhere, making it relevant to the characters as Nathan brings in James's death or "death" since we don't have confirmation there, and giving the leads a hook with which to talk the Troubled of the week down without dropping too many anvils on our toes or too many bodies on the ground. Speed Weed, we salute you and your hilarious name! I think our only quibble at this point is that we've had so much of Nathan's emotional trauma, it might have felt more balanced to have Dwight address Lizzie's death one last time and use that as a bonding technique rather than have Nathan use essentially the same approach. But that's a minor quibble on an otherwise potentially very touchy episode. A few creepy laughs later and some horrified realizations from Bert, because the "it's my fault" could be both for their failed attempts to have a child and for the imminent death of the children, and poof! No more douen. Dwight also gets the most hilarious line ever as he goes and bundles up the daughter, which is also a nice touch. Yes, it's possible that's because she was the one most in danger and Nathan was talking to Bert at the time, but it's also a nice reflection on Dwight's deeply paternal relationship with young girls which we've seen demonstrated quite a bit.
I'm sure there's a through-line to revisiting the barn, but nothing obvious springs to mind. Maybe the lost in the woods aspect. (A: Does that make William the Big Bad Wolf?) (K: He's got enough teeth for it.) At any rate, back to the barn, and Lexie wants to know if her friends have opened up the door on their side. Nice that she's referring to them as her friends already, as it will reinforce the idea that she has friends when she emerges into Haven, but it's also practical because how else could she refer to them? She can't even call them Audrey's friends because she has only the faintest idea that Audrey ever existed, and not by that name at all. William doesn't know, and he looks extremely tired and extremely sad. More so than he has the whole time the barn's been collapsing around them, which inclines our curiosity to wonder if this is how he got stuck in the barn. He refers to a leap of faith; did he fail to make that same leap of faith? Did the people on the other side of the door Tia Dalma him into getting stuck in the barn when they didn't open their door? We still want answers, William, and we're not letting go until you cough them up. Back in the woods Nathan and Dwight are observing the aftermath and the paramedics checking over the kids, and we get that mention of Lizzie we were hoping for earlier. He sounds relatively calm mentioning about how he blames himself for her death, and he probably has come to terms with both the Trouble and feeling as though it's his fault, in the sense that he functions just fine anyway. Note, though, that his voice is also softer and his arms are crossed in defensive position over his chest. Only for that part of the conversation, too, not for the rest of it; when we pull back again his arms are down by his sides. Dwight also raises the very good point of why didn't Nathan talk Bert down at the house? For the simple reason that he wanted Bert to lead them to the kids, first. Good reasoning, strong thinking, and exactly why Haven needs Nathan around. Not as a blood sacrifice in a stupid and desperate gambit that likely won't work anyway. Not that anyone's listening to us. Hey, speaking of the aforementioned gambit, Nathan's going to go off and do the thing with the finding Audrey and getting killed now. Dwight isn't trying to talk him out of it either, for whatever of several reasons, just wishes him good luck and lets him go. And as Nathan does go at Duke's now eager bidding, who is that we see following him? Is it Jordan? Yes it is! Jordan STOP FUCKING FOLLOWING PEOPLE. Argh. I get that you're severely traumatized by your Trouble and you need all the therapy and possibly all the hugs from Dwight and his long-sleeved bulletproof vested much taller than you self, but this is idiotic. No? No.
The flyover takes us to the hill in question, where Duke is pacing around in a circle talking about a door he can't see and really hoping it's actually there. Jennifer is staring right at it! And now that we see things from over her shoulder, so are we. It's a white door. To go with that white room barn thing. Oh goodie. It also doesn't seem to be where the barn used to be, meaning this is a whole new site of supernatural bar/n goodness. YAY. Now taking bets on how close to the lighthouse it is. No points given for "within foghorn range." Jennifer's been trying to open it, but she can't, which makes Duke about as uncontrollably nervous as we've seen him all episode. And he's right, Nathan's going to hate it even more. Jennifer tries to open it when he gets there, but it still doesn't work, and she theorizes it's because Lexdrey closed the door on her side again. Yelling ensues! As it does when everyone's stressed and worried and scared. And what do we all need when we're worried and scared in Haven? The Guard! Wait, no. Not the Guard. That other thing. Jordan seems to be leading them again, Vince, would you please do something about her and her four or so goons? She demands Nathan's gun as Duke argues against this admittedly idiotic plan, though he doesn't seem to be arguing on the basis that it's a stupid plan, more from the emotional place of this is his friend and he doesn't want Nathan to die. To the point of confronting a Guard member with a shotgun when said Guard member steps up to prevent him from interfering. Duke's hand around his throat is pretty telling of how much all of this has gotten to him, too; that's not something the Duke Crocker, gentleman rogue we've come to know and love would do. It's Nathan's turn to talk Duke down, though it doesn't look like Duke is giving up for good. More like giving up fighting for the moment, since they're clearly outnumbered. With all this going on as a distraction, Jennifer's picking up the barn again, this time Lexie saying "leap of faith," trying to psych herself up for this trip. William is making sad woobie faces. William, you are not a woobie, and all those faces aren't going to convince us otherwise. Lexie opens her door, making enough noise that Jennifer must be able to hear it too because she announces this to the rest of the group. Not that she needs to, because once Lexie opens her door it blasts into view for the rest of the group, too. Jordan looks like she wants to pounce it and hug it. Everyone else looks like they're asking the same thing we are, "the fuck is this?" Some of them are pointing guns at it, which, heh. That's still a hilarious reflex to have for all this supernatural shit. Jennifer is oddly calm, or at least, calmer than Nathan, who is trying to break the door down/open again. Presumably because oh good, she's not crazy, everyone else can now see the same fucking door that they couldn't a moment ago. Nathan, sweetie, you remember how none of this is normal? That door you're trying to pry open in the middle of nowhere? What makes you think you even can? Jennifer, since she's been the one hearing the barn, is the much more logical choice, inasmuch as there is any form of logic to this. But wait! A wild Dave appears! Dave uses brandish revolver! It's... less effective than the sheer amount of What The Fuck he brings with him.
Vince comes charging up behind him, of course, apologizing and saying he tried to stop him. His Leader of the Guard, Quick to Catch a Clue act is all but gone by now, he's just Vince, Dave's bigger baby brother and I just drew a completely inadvertent parallel here and now have to go laugh and cry. Ahem. He's just Vince, trying to control his brother and failing with typical maladroitness. Apparently Dave has taken a bug up his butt from reading the archives. WHAT archives? Explain yourselves! Wait, they're Teagues, they never explain anything. Least of all what are these powers beyond their control Dave is babbling about. In the midst of Jordan's "the fuck is you" expression she is, predictably, taking off her gloves. It's a nice idea but, Jordan, dude, you could kill the guy that way. He's not young anymore, and his heart might not be up to the strain, and as much as we want to bite them or throttle them for their information, it's not like he can say anything if he's dead. On the other hand, Dave's not putting the gun down, and all she has beyond a gun (which is even worse) is that one clumsy hammer. Back at the bar/n Lexie's trying to delay things by inviting William to go first, but we all knew he wasn't coming, and now he says so. With one of those proud little smiles that says he loves her and he's proud of her for doing it and it's still unnerving. A little adorable, but all we need is an episode of Eureka that's Jack and Zoe centered to find Colin Ferguson displaying that proud-loving smile that's less creepy than William's. Also, while I'm pointing out differences, there's restraint or subdued-ness to William's expressions by comparison with Jack Carter, as though William has learned what strong emotions can do in Haven and made attempts, with some success, to master his. Which just makes him more scary, both because of the degree of control he clearly has and with the prospect of what would it take for that control to slip, and what happens when it does? We won't find out today, though, William is entirely calm about the prospect of remaining in the bar and dying, let's not forget the part where he's telling her she has to leave the barn or die and he's going to stay behind. Lexie hopes she'll see him again, and he visibly brightens when she says that, and I go diving under my desk again.
Nathan is on the other side of the door arguing to open it or Audrey dies. And with her, the hope of Haven, not that he needs to say that out loud right now. Dave seems to think this is a small price to pay which, considering he was the one advocating for Audrey to go into the barn in the first place, what the hell does he think will happen? What the fuck did he read in those archives? What the fuck is going on here? Do we get to find out? No, no we do not, because Jordan will zap him into incoherence now. Thanks, Jordan. Go walk barefoot on some legos. And Duke, poor Duke is still trying to keep Nathan alive, to the point where he's willing to distract the Guard and maybe get shot in order to give Nathan and Audrey a head start. Oh honeys. And none of you are taking into account the barn's memory wiping abilities and this is seriously going to suck. Jennifer opens the door, to commence the sucking. Everyone gets a good eyeful of the thinny, the dead zone, or whatever we're calling it this episode. It's certainly making its own kind of noise, and those of us who read the Dark Tower series do remember that thinnies had their own kind of hideous noise that got louder as you approached. Nathan looks at the dead zone while we hope Duke doesn't have to haul him back by his new jacket of brooding badass. Lexie looks at the dead zone, but isn't quite ready to jump yet. She asks William who she'll be on the other side, if she's not who she thinks she is. William still has that expression where he clearly loves her, and once again makes it clear that loving her means loving the person, not the name or collection of superficial traits she's adopted lately. He's proud of who she is at her core, and whoever she chooses to be, or as he puts it, whoever she most wants to be, that's fine with him. It'd be adorable if it wasn't coming from William and if we didn't have a long history with what seems to be his character type and how really, really off the rails they can go. On the other side the doorway is visible now that both doors are open, and Lexie can see the people beyond. Calling for Audrey, but that seems to concern her less right now, and anyway this whole situation is incredibly surreal and out of her known realm of experience. He gives her the nod to go on, which does seem to reassure her, and...
... Well, something got unleashed anyway. There's a force blast, as you get when you start opening and closing doors between worlds, and everyone is knocked on their asses for a bit. Lexie, Audrey, whoever she's decided to be because even we don't know that yet, is knocked unconscious. For that matter everyone else might have been as well, we did get a commercial break there. Everyone slowly sits up except Lexdrey, and Nathan chokes out a quiet 'no' because he can't see the door. Oh Nathan honey. You were unconscious. You missed a lot of shit. Including, apparently, Lexdrey getting ejected because he barely has to turn his head to the side to see her lying there. Silly man. Of course this makes him the first one to go over to her and kneel by her side, so he's the first one there when she wakes up, very fairy tale. If this were a fairy tale, being the first one she sees when she wakes up would indeed either consign him to death or make her fall in love with him or both, but it's not, and none of these things happen. Although the amount of touching he's doing suggests that either her anti-Trouble thing is active for him or he's all but wishing it into existence, because Nathan Doesn't Touch People, at least not normally. She does, however, look at him like she kind of recognizes him. And at Duke. And then at all the people with guns, about which she doesn't seem in the least bit concerned. Though, again, she did just come through a thinny. Nathan goes and gets a gun from Jordan and Nathan, what are you doing. Nathan. NATHAN. His speech is very impassioned and heartfelt and also useless, because while he's explaining to her that he knows what Howard said, and he understands, and he's ready to die and all, and kisses her goodbye? She's giving him this look like he's lost his tiny mind. Also this look like she wants to fight back against the kiss more than she did but isn't sure that's safe, given, lots of people with guns. We hold the moment for a bit while Jordan looks actually more distressed and sad than happy, going along with the theme that she doesn't actually like hurting people and the only reason she's pushing so hard for this solution is because she really, really hates her life and needs all the therapy. Duke looks like he's about to lose his two best friends, which he is. Lexie, because it is Lexie at this point, now flat out refuses to pull the trigger. Half smiling, almost, it looks like she's picked up that facial expression from William, augh. But still refusing to pull the trigger, because she's not going to kill someone she's never met before, and by the way, who's Audrey? Everyone but the Teagues seem to have a hard time comprehending this. Vince just has the expression of "Well, shit. Here we go again." Indeed, Vince. Indeed.
Next week! Someone's Trouble is bad, according to the synopsis involving Medusaing people, so, yes, that qualifies as bad. Lexie is having issues with adjusting to Haven, as she does every time, and everyone is pointing guns at everyone else. So, just another day in Haven, then.
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