Friday, November 30, 2012

Blood Ties: Meet the Crockers

Ah, the Crockers. Curst stepchild family of Haven, or that's the way it's starting to shape up, anyway. For a family whose bloodline is looking more and more important to the underlying structure of Haven, we actually know very little about the Crocker family and how they and their Trouble work (pithy answer: dysfunctionally). But let's give it a try, shall we?

We start with the Crocker Box, which I have to keep reminding myself is not a Crocker Jack Box with a nifty toy surprise inside, and we start with that because the box was commissioned in the colonial era and because it says Crocker on it. We know that the box was originally made most likely by the silversmith Regis Glendower for Fitzwilliam Crocker in post-colonial Haven (1786, which was between the Troubles), and we learn this from amateur historian and genealogist Beverly Keegan (Roots 2x05) with the lead- and followup from Dave Teagues. Apart from that we have no notion of its provenance until Simon Crocker gave it to his son Duke, so that's all we know of its history. As to the nature of the box, we know a little more. The box is actually two boxes, one smaller than the other. The small box says Omnia Vincit Amor on the inside of the lid, which means Love Conquers All, and under a terrarium light the lid says Crocker. In the hinge is a key, which goes to a larger matching box which currently contains weapons, though there's no way of knowing what it contained previous to that. The name on the smaller box, too, is both evidence that the Crocker family was significant in colonial Haven and evidence against it. While certain minerals do have fluorescent properties under ultraviolet light (fluorite being one of those, and very common) it's hard to say what mechanism might have been used to create that name within the box such that it would be invisible to the naked eye. It's also vanishingly unlikely that it would have been visible until artificial ultraviolet light was developed in the last century.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Blood Is Compulsory

One of the major themes we haven't touched on yet in an essay, or even to speak of in any detailed manner in the ep analyses, is blood. I mean, aside from the part where Grimm's sometimes a gory show and we grumble at length about having to translate things written in blood in French and could his handwriting please suck less? (No, we don't squick easily.) Specifically blood magic, both the more obvious kind and the kind related to bloodlines.

You'd think we would have, but we've been waiting (and waiting, and waiting) for a resolution to the Juliette-and-Renard potion subplot. Making puppy eyes at the writers to come explicate the way both those potions worked, too, because there's so much tasty analysis we could do with it! Unfortunately for us, they're going to leave us on tenterhooks for the holiday hiatus. Fortunately for you, that means we're going to leap ahead and do the damn thing anyway, including some discussion of blood magic as used in Western mythology/legend as well as some speculation about where they might be headed in Grimm.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Murderboards, Grimm mid S2, Haven late S3

Once again, the murderboards (actually more like murder dotplots) of Grimm and Haven, current as of all the episodes to date. We would like to register a complaint with Stark Industries, which refuses to loan us the use of JARVIS for these purposes. This would be so much easier if we had a 3D holographic display to manipulate.

Also, now that everything has gotten fairly complicated on both shows, the murderboards from here on out will include a color/font key so that everyone knows which sides each aspect of each dot refers to. If the various factions start splintering even more we might consider making sub-dots or logos that require even more keys to decipher, but thankfully that hasn't happened yet. 

As always, spoilers abound, and click each picture to embiggen.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Bride of Behind The Scenes at Murderboarding

As Kitty mentioned in her Haven recaplysis this week, we're Humperdinck levels of busy in the upcoming week. Which does not mean we won't be working on some posts for you guys, just that they're the kind of posts that require heavy lifting! Therefore, Murderboarding will be on hiatus from Monday, November 19 to Sunday, November 25. For those of you in the US, have a good Thanksgiving and we'll see you later. We'll see our international readers later too, but you'll have to come up with your own excuses for feast days. I have faith in you!

Just a reminder for the new folks: we try and keep the show pages in the top menubar updated as often as we get new data. Or as soon as we can parse out what the hell the new data means, yes, I'm still bitter about the Royals and Renard's little cell of conspirators this past episode.

Edit 11/20: We've got a recent influx of people from Facebook, and I thought I'd stop and let you guys know that Kitty and I do not, in fact, have Facebook. (And if we did we wouldn't want to attach it to this.) That said, you can follow us on Twitter under @mightybattlecat and @adsartha or add us to your RSS feeds if you want to know the second we post new content! We try, when not on hiatus, to post 3-5 times during the week in addition to the weekend post(s).

Even though Grimm's on hiatus, we'll still be churning out a sackful of posts between now and its return. Look for updates to the murdermap and our own personal murderboard, along with the Arthurian angle revisited (love potions and you, or how to make everything explode at once and not in the fun way), that stupid blood magic post that we were hoping to have a resolution to the potion on before posting, family ties (possibly followed by a study of Renard's ties, depending on how punchy we're feeling), and the women of Grimm. Plus the assorted homes we have yet to analyze in excruciating detail. Haven, of course, continues as scheduled and I'll see you all back here for the analysis of Burned first thing in December. We have a few other things up our sleeve for Haven, but we'll have to wait and see how long all this heavy lifting takes.

Without further ado, I give you more of us saying 'fuck' a lot, since I know that's what you're all here for.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Come To Mess Me Up Grimm S2E12 Season of the Hexenbiest

Previously on Grimm: procedure, what's that? That wendigo must have a fascinating digestive system and Kitty and I are still not writing a treatise on theoretical Wesen biology. (K: At least not until halfway into the hiatus maybe.) Everybody was stressed and bad at communication, for understandable reasons except for the part where I still want to smack Nick with a cluebat. Studded, maybe, like the one from this ep? Renard tries to find an actual cure for him and Juliette, and I question why he hasn't had his people in Portland stalking following Nick to find out who his Wesen contacts are what with the surprise!discovery by Monroe.

This week on Grimm: Adalind's back! Nobody seems to remember what they knew at the beginning of this season. I consider smacking people with cluebats, preferably Nick's nail-studded one, rather than the usual dead fish, which should tell you something about my tone for this ep right there. Infinite cliffhangers are infinite!

Before we begin, let's review the things that each character knows at the beginning of this episode, because that's going to come in handy when I reach my notes that are nothing but capslocking and illustrating the diversity of the word 'fuck.' Nick: knows that Juliette is still suffering the effects of the spell designed to make her forget him. Knows that there's a Royal in Portland who was the only one who could wake her, QED the Royal must have woken her or Catherine lied. (He seems to have picked the latter with no consideration for the former.) Everyone wants that key from him, and he knows it's a map that leads to super-awesome conquer the world treasure, but not where the treasure might be or what it is. He does not know that Juliette's increasingly erratic behavior is also tied into the potion, but it would be a logical leap for him to make. Monroe: knows that Renard is a police captain who's under a compulsion spell to be in love with someone he doesn't want. Now knows that that person is Juliette. Given this and Juliette's reaction to him in the spice shop, should be able to make the assumption that Juliette doesn't want it either. (Has still not called Rosalee. What the fuck is WRONG with you, Monroe.) Poor Rosalee, speaking of, is out of the loop. Hank, who regains his title of 'the best' this ep, knows about Grimming and either Nick's told him about Adalind off-camera or he's managed to put most of it together on his own, because he's not stupid. Is, much to our dismay, sidelined from the love potion action, because I bet he'd have some fascinating things to say about it. Adalind: knows pretty much everything except where the damn key is. Renard: ditto, except apparently he doesn't know that Nick's been working with Monroe for the past almost-year. Juliette: is goddamn sick of being left in the dark. A-fucking-men, honey.

A Most Ingenious Paradox Haven S3E09 Sarah

Previously on Haven: Audrey thought she was an FBI agent. Then she found out she was actually several women in rapid succession. Vince was fucking creepy and only mildly helpful with the indicating there was a common underlying personality between all the false memories, and Claire ran behind Audrey jamming lampshades onto her actions. Duke thinks someone with a Significant Tattoo of Omeny Goodness wants to kill him because of his family Trouble that means killing a cursed person kills the Trouble, and, oh yeah, his father wants him to kill Audrey. Awkward.

Also, as a matter of bookkeeping, although many of you probably guessed, the content on Murderboarding is going to get a bit thin soon. Not just because of the hiatus (details to come soon), although Haven is about to close for the season and Grimm has already taken its intermission bows. But between us we've got the holidays to prepare for, a house to move into, an increased day job workload to deal with, family to visit, new projects to work on, our wives to murder and Guildor to frame for it. We're swamped.

So, we started at Duke's bedside, which to my way of thinking is an excellent place to start out, I mean, I could start in Duke's very large very comfortable looking bed with no problem. Or maybe that's because I just woke up. We get a decent look at Duke's bedside table for the first time in a while, looks like it has a couple of books, a candle, a box of a pair of those tai chi hand exercise balls, and a bottle of possibly red wine and a glass. There's a couple of implications here, that Duke has at least semi-refined tastes or that Duke is now needing wine to get to sleep, and I'm not sure which inferences we're supposed to make. There's only one glass, though, so it wasn't a romantic bottle of wine. He also has the pirate coin, which he flips idly in the air with a quiet "Happy Birthday, Dad," so, probably at least the second inference for last night, then. And his father's journal, which he now opens and looks through. The picture of Sarah and Dave Teagues is clipped in there, reminding us that Audrey trusts Duke with a whole hell of a lot. I don't think she'd let that picture out of her possession otherwise. There's also the possibility, though, that it's a scanned copy.

Anyway, there's the obituary. "Died August 16, 1955. Roy Crocker, known around Haven for his genial nature and ever-present grin, passed away suddenly on August 16. He was 35. The long-time barkeep at The Shore Club, Crocker often lent a sympathetic ear or a stiff drink to the townsfolk of Haven, and [Duke's finger] their woes with [Duke's finger] of each." And then the rest of it is either folded or blurry. On the back Simon's handwriting says Roy was Killed by Sarah Vernon, which Duke reminds us is also Audrey. Notably, he only looks perturbed/disturbed by it for a moment before visibly shaking it off, most likely trying to reconcile the Audrey he knows with a person who killed his grandfather. There might also be some awareness of his own murder record in there, given that he's killed at least one man before that we know of. Then again, so has Audrey, killed one person that he knows of, but it was in defense of another. Turning the page we and Duke find that the last entry on the day Roy Crocker died was Stuart Mosley. Who it just so happens lives in Haven! And yet we already know this isn't going to end well. Let the time travel headaches begin!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Haven Herald Cover-ups

Though the Haven Twitter accounts for @VinceHaven and @DaveHaven have been around for most of a season, the dispersal of Haven Heralds online only began this season. For those of you lacking Twitter or otherwise disinclined to comb through all the data about these cover-ups, here we have links to each with a short description and commentary. This page is linked on our Haven show page, and will be updated with each new Herald on Twitter.

301 - Notably, only on Dave's account. Blamed on gas pipes exploding, quotes from Dwight. Bog standard cleaner stuff. Secondary story about the crop circles, blamed on local teenagers. Altair Bay Inn mentioned, since putting the location in contributes to an aura of disbelief for the other incidents, quotes from one random teen who they somehow convinced to accept the blame (not sure how; maybe he comes from a Troubled family?), implied additional quotes below the fold from Nathan.

Stay - Blamed on contaminated meat from a single cow, served at a local softball league. Quotes from Doc Lucassi. Secondary story regarding #EscapetoHaven tags throughout town and a coalition of concerned citizens who want it stopped. Yes, thank you, we're all looking forward to the payout from that one. I wonder if this is as much as they could fit in about people taking the Rev's side this season so far; that storyline's been largely disregarded probably because they can't fit it into 42 minutes along with everything else.

The Farmer - Blamed on nasty strain of swine flu that particularly attacked teenagers and pre-pubescent children, medical babble about how their bodies are trying to adjust to changing hormone levels. Lucassi quoted again. Poor guy, as much as he prefers his solitude he's getting one hell of a workout providing cover quotes to the Herald. Secondary story with tips on avoiding flu this winter, but the money shot is in the last line, "this year's flu can be a real monster." Really. Seriously. I'm going to be over here with my machetes now.

Over My Head - Flood blamed on major sewer line clog. Haven still has the worst infrastructure of anywhere in the Northeast; I'm sure Dwight's thrilled. Notably, no source directly cited for the quote, just "the statement" and it's left implied that it comes from DPW. Secondary story on the crabs Bob Harmon suffered, with out of context quotes presumably lifted from when he was at the hospital. Ew, you guys.

Double Jeopardy - Damage at the Gull is easy to blame on a bar fight, and Duke probably doesn't mind too much. Quotes from Duke which, if you can picture the gestures that he'd put with the words, are just a leeeetle over the top. Specifically blamed on an argument over beer pong rules which of course Duke has a list posted. (If he didn't before, he does now.) Secondary story about the football game that supposedly led to this, with a money quote at the end about "several curiously stating that they had no recollection of the night's events." Uh-HUH. Because retrograde amnesia isn't a problem in THIS town at ALL.

Real Estate - High schoolers' Halloween prank gone bad. I find this especially creepy in that they blame it on high schoolers and yet there's no mention of the two who died because of Holloway. Also, the poor local teens in this town get scapegoated for a whole lot of things that aren't their fault. Quotes from Nathan, with some snark about "if anyone had been unlucky enough to be in the Holloway house." We feel you there, Nathan. Secondary story about the annual costume contest, which Claire won; quotes from her acceptance speech with suitable snark. Further snark about the Teagues' costumes and their ineligibility to win, very well suited to a small town newspaper. Heh.

Magic Hour Part 1 - Sleeping sickness uh-huh right. Though it's about the best I could do if I had to explain a resurrection Trouble that was so publicly enacted. Dear Moira, you're not making their jobs easier, no love, us. Quotes from Lucassi and from Dan Hamilton, the husband who paid the ransom money. Secondary story on Haven Happenings, a shout-out to the Twitter account of the same name and also a list of various social events as the holiday season ramps up in Haven. This would feel more benevolent if I didn't have a mental image of the Teagues giggling over their desks while figuring out what to put in. Especially that LARP, for which I have all the facepalm ever. Because what Haven needs is people pretending to be superpowered in some way! Somehow I suspect someone in the Losers' Club is Troubled, too, with that story of what happened the last time they played. Maybe several someones.

Magic Hour Part 2 - Also notably only on Dave's account. Leaving aside the question of how the hell a weekly newspaper got out two publications when the events of these episodes cover maybe three days total (yeah, we know, take a drink), not to mention the extended torture the Teagues underwent, the boat explosion needs only minimal coverup. With no body recovered and nobody around who isn't in on what was really going on, they just need to explain away the cause of the explosion as something non-violent. Which is what Nathan's for! Secondary story on the Parade of Ships, for which we will cheerfully smack someone with a trout because a) Kick 'em Jenny Neck b) Twin Peaks c) gathering at the Colorado Kid Beach. Different route because of the explosion and ongoing investigation, yadda yadda, that would have to be done even if they were being honest about what was going on.

Sarah - A much shorter cover-up this time, which is to be expected with half the episode taking place in the past. Apparently, though, people remember parts of the alternate realities Stuart Mosley's Trouble caused to take place, which is an interesting manifestation of that Trouble. Methane gas causes hallucinations now! We had no idea. (Technically it causes amnesia, but most people are unlikely to double-check that.) Interesting to note that the DPW in Haven is contributing to the cover-up again; who works there? (Kitty bets Dwight. I would haul out the jar with the surprised face if so.) Also interesting that they pulled a random high school teacher for the rest of the quotes. Either they're trying to keep the usual suspects out of the spotlight, or Patterson is Troubled/aware of the Troubles, or both. He doesn't appear on our index list or in the list of the Troubled from Sins of the Fathers, so inconclusive on that front. Secondary story that the Haven Shore Club will be throwing a 1950s-themed party, complete with snark about post-1960 currency and I cannot facepalm enough for this one.

Burned - Excuse us while we facepalm at the primary cover story. Oh Duke. Oh Teagues. Oh everyone. Dress Like A Pirate Day is still a good excuse, it builds on Duke's reputation as the impetuous ex-criminal (really he swears) scoundrel who never really means to hurt anyone, etc. It encourages people to view him as harmless when he's anything but, though he is generally well-meaning. (Unless you're trying to hurt one of the people he cares about.) Contains some predictable self-deprecating talk where again, you can about see the expansive hand gestures to match his words. Secondary story on the Looking Glass Florist. Is now a good time to mutter about all of Haven being through the looking glass? We thought so. Julienne Pate goes in the notes as a member of the Guard or a family member of someone in it. A great deal of talk about blending into the background and looking pretty and focus on appearances that mesh well with your surroundings, from her. There Is No Coded Message Here, What Are You Talking About.

Last Goodbyes - Hey, it's that old chestnut the gas leak again! And this time there's some talk about getting people to look into the infrastructure, yadda yadda concerned citizens, oh HELLO Dwight. The city's growing and there will have to be some changes "starting with the roots," is THAT so. That doesn't sound ominous. Or like he's still working for the Guard. Really, nothing good is coming out of this story at-fucking-all. We are less than pleased. Secondary story on the local rec leagues, specifically the basketball one, which is presumably more Doylist than anything since frankly at this point I'd be surprised if Audrey or Nathan were giving the Teagues anything more than they had to for cover stories. We've got the North Haven Rams (ha ha North ha ha very funny) and the East Haven Demons, and I'm not sure if that's intended to be anything meaningful but we'll keep an eye on it all the same.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Meta Concepts: Rule of Three

By now you've heard us reference the Rule of Three so often it's become a drinking game (which we'll suspend for the duration of this essay because we love you and your livers), but for those of you who don't hail from our particular sub-sector of geekdom you might not be familiar with it. Or you might, but not in that phrasing. What we mean by "Rule of Three" is simply this: a design flaw/feature of human brains is to see patterns in things, and many of those patterns are numerical. Significant numbers feature heavily in fiction, whether written or oral tradition or visual; indeed, they can feature heavily in real life when people seek out meaning in the numbers or numbers of things in their lives. For the purposes of storytelling, though, the significant numbers are generally limited to seven, five, four, and three. And for the purposes of today's essay, we'll be dealing with the number three.

The Rule of Three is one of the simplest storytelling devices: repetition in threes to emphasize the importance of a thing, group, or concept. It appears in many cultures (most of them western European, but not all), religions, and bodies of work. For religious forms you have the Holy Trinity, the Maiden Mother and Crone, three Wise Men/Kings, three Marys at the crucifixion, three pilgrimage holidays (Pesach, Shavuot, Sukkot), Abraham Isaac and Jacob. For popular fiction you have the Three Musketeers, Han Luke and Leia, Larry Moe and Curly, the Billy Goats Gruff, the three witches in Macbeth. On and on you can find this in works both serious and less so, such as Monty Python and the Holy Grail ("Three shall be the number of the counting, and the number of the counting shall be three!"). Terry Gilliam was an accomplished Arthurian scholar, he knew what he was talking about! Well, most of the time. Even in psychology and philosophy you have the Freudian concepts of the Id, Ego, and Superego, as well as the Kant or Hegelian or whoever first devised it (there's some argument about that) dialectic: thesis, antithesis, synthesis. I'll go into more on that later. We have the saying that once is chance, twice is coincidence, but three times is enemy action or conspiracy or whatever you want to call it. Even that, there, you see what I did in that last sentence? Three things make a pattern.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

When You're At Home: Catherine Schade

All right then! Last week we covered Adalind's house; this week we'll do her mother's. Not because I expect Catherine Schade to come back from the dead anytime soon, but her influence was obviously formative to Adalind and almost certainly to Renard as well. So we'll go over this in some detail, in the interests of teasing out what this tells us about the woman who made Adalind who she is today. Spoiler alert: nothing nice.

Because I'm lazy at heart, and because Kitty's already gone through the opening scenes of Love Sick for house profiling, I'm just going to start by copying these paragraphs in. Then we'll do some extra detail work, and then we'll start hammering on the s2 eps.

K: Renard's battlewagon pulls up to a Victorian? style townhouse, three stories and likely a basement behind the shrubbery. Two of the stories are lit with the curtains drawn, so someone's home but not inclined to visitors, so either he's expected or he's gate-crashing. Now, later in the beginning of season two we learn she paid cash for this place, so she, too, has some wealth available to her; I'd put this townhouse at up nearing half a mil easy. Two moss-covered trees frame the front of the house in this shot, giving it an in-the-woods appearance. Like the witches in the old stories. And like the witches in the old stories, we cut to an interior shot where a woman whose name we don't yet know is grinding some dried herbs and other things into a mortar, with a kettle on one side and a small cauldron on the other. She has a couple of spices and an herb jar in front of her, but given what we saw earlier in organ grinder I'm hesitant to say that's cumin and parsley or anything of the sort. She looks up and smiles at something we don't hear (A: probably the car door closing), either because of the background music or because her senses are greater than normal.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Silence Like A Cancer Grows Haven S3E08 Magic Hour Part 2

Previously on Haven: Moira went around resurrecting people she'd killed so she could get some money! Not that we ever really understand why she chose now to be desperate for money and to get out of Haven, but sure. Duke and Audrey were confused about how they feel about each other! Well, mostly Audrey. Duke was a gentleman. Nathan was somewhat of a jackass though less so with Duke most of a continent away, and then he found the bolt gun in Tommy's car, and then he was Jesus. Hi Jesus Wuornos!

We pick up right where we left off, with Audrey over the body and Duke hovering protectively over both of them. Have I mentioned in the last thirty seconds how much I adore this wacky triad and their screwed up but incredibly tightly-knit relationship? Because my god everyone. And a repeat of the last lines from last ep, so we can be reminded how shady Tommy's acting. I mean, yes, he should be upset if he's just a cop and he's seen his boss get shot, but he should also be acting. Cops are trained to react in situations like this, call for backup, get first aid, chase after the one hope they have of getting Nathan back alive, and he's quite obviously frozen. Not, as I'm sure he wants them to think, because he's having a bad reaction/bad flashback to one of the things that drove him out of Boston (though if he IS a chameleon and took on the real Tommy's memories that's entirely possible too), but because he would vastly prefer it if no rescue was forthcoming. Hi Duke's "you're a lying liar full of bullshit" look!

And A Nice Chianti Grimm S2E11 To Protect and Serve Man

Previously, on Grimm.... well, nothing much happened relevant to the overall plot of today, so there are no previouslies! Instead we get sirens and speed lines, and today's quote, "The beast was simply the Call of the Wild personified, which some natures hear to their own destruction..." which is apparently from a horror story about Wendigo from a turn of last century author named Algernon Blackwood. The More You Know! [star]. 

As we fade out on the quote we get exactly one pause, which I wonder if it's a glitch in my episode or if that's meant to signify something; whatever it is, it isn't repeated. I mean, possibly it's meant to signify the herky-jerky impression of being under fire, when for a lot of people things seem to slow down and occasionally even pause. But since it isn't repeated, I'm not sure. Rather than sirens over the lights we get a traditional police dispatch person talking about a 4-15 on 57th? avenue, a disturbance in progress. We hear a familiar voice say Unit 18 copies and is en route, and by the time we turn a corner things are sort of normal again!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Internal Memo: Enhanced Interrogation?

Internal Memo: Chandler & Hammett
To: Thomas Marlowe <tmarlow@[redacted]>
CC: Kitty Chandler <kchandl@[redacted]>, Eve Marlowe <emarlow@[redacted], Sam Connor <sconnor@[redacted]>, Jared Engel <jengel@[redacted]>, Danielle Matheson <dmathes@[redacted]>, Alec Cray <acray@[redacted]>
Date: 11/6/12
Subject: re:
enhanced interrogation?

It'd make me feel better.


To: Kitty Chandler <kchandl@[redacted]>
CC: Adsartha Hammett <ahammet@[redacted]>, Eve Marlowe <emarlow@[redacted], Sam Connor <sconnor@[redacted]>, Jared Engel <jengel@[redacted]>, Danielle Matheson <dmathes@[redacted]>, Alec Cray <acray@[redacted]>
Date: 11/6/12
enhanced interrogation?
Are you sure you want to put the Teagues under enhanced interrogation? Standard caveats apply here, too.


To: Eve Marlowe <emarlow@[redacted]
CC: Thomas Marlowe <tmarlow@[redacted]>, Sam Connor <sconnor@[redacted]>, Jared Engel <jengel@[redacted]>, Danielle Matheson <dmathes@[redacted]>, Alec Cray <acray@[redacted]>
Date: 11/6/12
Subject: ME new & updated profiles

See attached for the Teagues' updated profiles, along with the CK profile if you missed the memo earlier this week.


Attachment: (teaguesprofile.docx) 18k
Attachment: (coganakakid.docx) 11k

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

When You're At Home: Adalind Schade

In light of Adalind's imminent return to Portland, let's talk about that house she abandoned last season! I have to tell you guys, without going back and looking, my strongest memory of this place is the kitchen which is such a showroom it's painful. I mean, it works, it's not a bad kitchen, but it's intended to be seen more than it's intended to be worked in. Why yes, I have Opinions about what kitchens are for, are any of you surprised at this point? I didn't think so.

(Hint: blood cookies are NOT on my list of approved kitchen usages.)

We see bits and pieces of Adalind's place in four episodes: Island of Dream, Thing With Feathers, Love Sick, and Woman in Black. I can't decide if I hope we see her (new?) place in this next two eps or not, but it's quite certain we'll see the Hexenbiest herself. Yay. No, wait, the other thing. Unless she has an actual cure that someone chews out of her liver rather than giving her the key. Look, a girl can dream, okay? And Adalind's overfond of mind-whammying people, which is one of my major, major "oh fuck you you're evil" buttons. Ahem. But continuing on to the profile of her house. I expect I'll be saying house rather than home quite a lot, because this place is so damn cold and almost sterile for all that it pretends to warmth in places that it makes me twitch. Our first shot is of Adalind's kitchen, which while very lovely is not your traditional cooking workroom. It is if anything a combination zaubertrank and cooking room. Once we zoom out from Adalind pouring Hank's blood into the cookie dough we have a wine rack off to the left, with some kind of modern abstract black-and-silver curtains. There's a big central island with a large marble slab where she's working, I can't tell offhand if that's a permanent fixture on the island or not. I'm guessing it is, something that heavy would be a pain in the ass to lift on a regular basis. We can see that the toaster, microwave, and kettle all match and are blood-red, thanks for that, guys. They also appear to all be fairly high-end. The blender or juicer or whatever it is on the edge of the counter past the island (visible just beyond the grimoire) does NOT appear to match, though. One of the reasons I say this kitchen is a showpiece is the fact that the contents of the cabinets are clearly laid out to be seen. Nobody I know who actually uses their kitchen on a regular basis has room for shit like pretty plates standing vertically in back of a cupboard. No, they're all stacked up and ready to use. There are three placemats laid out but only two chairs (and those also sleek modern design which look really uncomfortable), which I would guess is done for the look of it rather than the fact that Adalind often entertains that many guests. Everything that's not currently in use is very precisely placed for maximum visual effect; this kitchen could not scream Appearances Matter any louder unless it were, oh, Renard's. Though in some respects it's worse, because Renard is allowed not to give a damn and to leave his cupboards closed, because men aren't expected to cook. (K: More practically speaking, when would Renard have time to cook?) (A: For that matter, Adalind shouldn't have time to cook either, given her job as a lawyer. Renard's is about status; Adalind's is about gender roles, which says some fascinating things about their characters I might get into. Later, because this digression is long enough already. Ahem.) This is very, very Martha Stewart style gender performative. There's a bench/window seat type thing under the window, and really the only warm colors in this kitchen come from the brick wall to the right, the blood-red appliances, and the apron Adalind is wearing, meant to evoke a slightly warmer/more feminine version of the blood red. Stainless steel fridge, check. Also I cannot for the life of me see where the oven is (I'm guessing on the wall where the brick is?), just the fridge/appliances and the sink on the wall with the windows. Unless that's it tucked adjacent to the sink, in which case I severely question the layout of that kitchen.

Better the Devil You Know: Haven Profiles (James Cogan aka The Colorado Kid)

Date: 11/5/2012 (updated 1/31/13)
Subject Name: James Cogan aka The Colorado Kid
DOB: 08/31/1956
DOD: 5/28/1983
Gender: Male
Age: 27 at alleged time of death/disappearance 1/31/13:
subject has been held within barn for past 27 years and does not appear to have aged; unknown if he experienced any subjective passage of time though current data indicates he did not
Place of Examination: Data compiled at Chandler/Hammett Investigations offices
Occupation: Unknown
Marital Status:. Married (possibly widowed) 1/31/13:
though separated from his wife for 27 years and both his and his wife's status unknown due to external interference
Race: Unknown, presumed Troubled
Classification: XX-####

Presents with: As this is a profile of a person presumed deceased, no interview or current presentation is possible. Analyst will confine herself to observations of current data and update as available.

Updated 1/31/13: Subject has been confirmed living, albeit in a fashion which prevents him from leaving the barn for any substantial length of time. It is unknown in what fashion and to what degree the barn heal(ed/s) subject, though this may be a side effect of his biological relationship to subject IN-####. Subject's affect was relatively flattened, likely due to culture shock and sickness, though he has clearly demonstrated the ability to express surprise, fear, disgust, concern, and hope, as a partial sampling. In this respect he appears relatively normal in emotional lability and reaction given his circumstances and known factors. Subject expressed belief that Lucy Ripley would have been willing to kill him to end the Troubles, but as subject was being manipulated by SR-BD-#### at the time and presumably not in full possession of his faculties we cannot take this as indicative of his past relationship with subject IN-####. This willingness to believe his wife's manipulation does indicate a strong emotional involvement and/or traditional cultural values attached to a loving romantic relationship.

On feeling threatened, subject engaged in mild subterfuge to make his escape into the one place he appears to feel safe (i.e., the barn). This suggests that subject is capable of at least some mid-level mental processing when experiencing fight-or-flight adrenaline rushes, and more importantly suggests that at some point he established the barn as a safe location. Along with subject's ability to avoid others within the barn when he wishes not to be found, this indicates that regardless of his subjective awareness of time within the barn, he is familiar with its workings to some degree. Since his memory is at least partially intact, we may also stipulate that the barn does not have the same effect on him as on his mother despite its disappearance from Haven.   

Observations: James Cogan, aka the Colorado Kid, was predominantly observed from a partially supine position with his back to the photographer. He was clearly a white male in his mid twenties to mid forties, with dark hair and presumably in good health before the circumstances of his demise; at least, no external old trauma was evident. He was dressed in somewhat durable, casual clothing for the time. Descriptions of the event are vague and varied, as all persons present at that time either have no memory of the event or are in an altered state of connection to reality. Two subjects have been established as potentially having knowledge of the situation, but have consistently refused to share information, and as yet enhanced interrogation is not an option.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Internal Memo: Surveillance & Speculation

Internal Memo: Chandler & Hammett
To: Kitty Chandler <kchandl@[redacted]>
CC: Daifyn Ifans <difans@[redacted]>, Ash Dunlevy <adunlev@[redacted]>, Danielle Matheson <dmathes@[redacted]>, Peter Torkarov <ptorkar@[redacted]>, Sam Connor <sconnor@[redacted]>, Eve Marlowe <emarlow@[redacted]>, Jared Engel <jengel@[redacted]>, Alec Cray <acray@[redacted]>
Date: 11/5/12
Subject: re: re: re: BGK speculation & photos

Several things! First, pull Johnny off the Teagues, the way things are going. Sam and Jared can team up for one shift, and Dee and Alec can take another. Second, pull Sam off Hendrickson and reassign him to Thomas. Eve, maybe start taking Thomas with, since Howard seems to have dried up into a dead end. The chances of them hanging around any of your (plural your, stupid English) current targets are pretty high, might as well have a floating surveillance team out there just in case.

Do we need to pull some people out of the SF/PDX offices for home base support in the meantime?


To: Daifyn Ifans <difans@[redacted]>
CC: Adsartha Hammett <ahammet@[redacted]>, Ash Dunlevy <adunlev@[redacted]>, Danielle Matheson <dmathes@[redacted]>, Peter Torkarov <ptorkar@[redacted]>, Sam Connor <sconnor@[redacted]>, Eve Marlowe <emarlow@[redacted]>, Jared Engel <jengel@[redacted]>, Alec Cray <acray@[redacted]>
Date: 11/5/12
Subject: re: re: BGK speculation & photos

ANYway, you guys. While we're discussing the import of messages, who wants to volunteer for Teagues duty? Observations aside, it looks like they're interested in talking to at least the two of us, which means we get to be the public faces and you all get to do the clandestine legwork. There's two of them, at least in theory, so who wants to volunteer for long-term surveillance?


Sunday, November 4, 2012

Sunrise Sunset Haven S3E07 Magic Hour Part 1

Previously on Haven: Audrey is confused, Duke is chivalric, and Nathan is a jackass. The Guard is suspicious, Jordan is driven, and Nathan is still a jackass. The Bolt Gun Killer is seriously sick in the head, and Nathan is... well, actually Nathan hasn't been that much of a jackass over the Bolt Gun Killer case, so we'll give him that one. For all that we've been getting a shitpile of information as compared to the last two seasons, every answer leads to at least two more questions. It's both gratifying and incredibly annoying as we attempt to sift through all the noise for the signal. 

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Chekhov's Intern is Fired Grimm S2E10 The Hour of Death

Previously on Grimm: Kitty was a Na'vi Balam and hid behind/under/on top of lots of furniture (nobody ever looks up). The Renard-Juliette plotline did not give us too much embarrassment squick, which means undoubtedly they'll make up for it tonight. We got a name on another Royal-related player, and Intern Chekhov Ryan was more firmly affixed to the mantel. Tonight, we find out what happens IN A WORLD WITH TWO GRIMMS. And if you didn't hear that in the right voice, you're watching an insufficiency of bad scifi movies. I spent most of this week hiding from the embarrassment squick and worrying about Bud the Eisbieber. You leave my Eisbiebers alone, dammit. Also I mutter a bunch about interns being left on the mantel for two acts. I mean eps. Stupid Intern Chekhov.

We open on a blue flame from a blowtorch, which is totally not doom-laden. Oh wait, yes it is. Especially with that brand. And that quote. "And branded on the beast, the mark of his kin. For none shall live whom they have seen." Although made up by the Grimm writers themselves, which is a first, it sounds awfully Biblical. Awful Revelatory, if we're going to be precise. They do a lot with fire and blood and overall brimstone-type cleansing symbols this ep. And yes, it's pretty obvious from the outset that that's a stylized G, I'm not sure why it took them THAT long to figure it the fuck out. Though my refrain through first watch of this was "Nick, be a better cop and a worse Grimm," so there's that to consider. We cut from that to a shot of Nick having a nightmare about a missing girl, and I continue to question why robbery/homicide gets all these kidnapping cases. Juliette wakes him up from the nightmare, the way you do. At this point I pause to note that we've had four dream sequences of Nick's: Juliette running through the woods in a red dress, Aunt Marie stabbing him in the hand, Juliette being fine and remembering everything and declaring that all the Grimm stuff made sense, and this one. So we have an alternating pattern of Juliette featuring in his dreams with Juliette waking him up/being there for him when he wakes from a nightmare, and that second one is deteriorating in the level of support offered. Oh everyone. Note how Juliette's in a dark camisole with a white lace top over; this will be important later. Also, she's clearly forgotten everything she knew about sleeping with a cop and she's damn lucky Nick didn't react violently. They're snappish at each other, which is the first time we've seen this degree of discord. There have been arguments and disagreements and disappointments, but even since Juliette woke up from the coma they've always been trying to be good to each other in the little day to day things that make up a relationship, as much or more than the grand gestures. But no, Nick's snippy about sleeping on the couch. I would be too after this many weeks, and I question why there's no guest room with a bed or at least a futon in a house that size. I also question not getting SOME kind of alternate bed solution so that Nick can be well-rested while they figure this shit out. I mean, guys, this is common sense. Juliette, in turn, snaps back at him that there's coffee in the kitchen and she's going in to work, probably because she feels pressured to accept this stranger back into her bed. Again, I would be too, so I'm judging you BOTH for not coming up with a better interim solution than the fucking couch. My god. Anyway, Nick tries to apologize and have a conversation about it which judging by his facial expressions was going to be along the lines of not blaming her but he needs a better solution (no SHIT), but Juliette shuts him the hell down.

I sigh and imagine all the things I'd like to do to Adalind right now, while we cut over to someone burning pictures of the missing girl while on the phone with an accomplice. It sounds one hell of a lot like there's a sex slave ring going on here, but we never really get any details on it. He's a sloppy perp, too, leaving pictures not fully engulfed in flames before going to answer the door. Hey look! Hank and Nick are doing the horrible slog of footwork that happens when you don't catch an initial break on a case. Zane is incredibly shifty here, and the fact that the guys don't press him harder is evidence of how tired they are. Oh boys. Hank, don't you have a guest room to put your partner up in for cases like this? Because again with the better solutions to this problem argh. Anyway, Nick spots the photos in the stove and Zane woges out and cue Grimming! Instead of policing! One of these days we'll find out what happens when Nick DOESN'T just grab and hit Wesen perps but waits for them to do something inadvisable in front of Hank. And then the world will end. I do love how that's just about Hank's first question, though, when he sees Nick doing Grimm-like things. "Is he a Wesen?" Yes, Hank, you get all the Wesen cases, I don't think I can even blame Renard for this one because the kidnapping vic doesn't appear to be Wesen.

Internal Memo: Updates

Internal Memo: Chandler & Hammett
To: Danielle Matheson <dmathes@[redacted]>
CC: Peter Torkarov <ptorkar@[redacted]>, Sam Connor <sconnor@[redacted]>, Eve Marlowe <emarlow@[redacted]>, Ash Dunlevy <adunlev@[redacted]>, Jared Engel <jengel@[redacted]>, Daifyn Ifans <difans@[redacted]>
Date: 11/3/12
Subject: Updated files

Attachment: (unsub919-11312.docx) 14k
Attachment: (tbowen-eval-11312.docx) 15k
Attachment: (haven-11212.docx) 50k

Scanned in the latest out of Maine. You'll want to have a look at this, talk to Johnny about these two specifically and get back to us. It's getting awfully cutthroat up there these days, could use some extra eyes and security.